Live All Your Life
Live All Your Life
030 Start Where You're At: The Philosophy Of Fitness Ep. 20
It's easy to get overwhelmed when considering our progress. We can underestimate ourselves and fail to act because we lose faith, or we can overestimate and get into trouble. In this episode, Tali and Cody bring some strategies for self-awareness, so we can realistically and effectively Start Where We're At!
00:00 Intro and Icebreaker
05:06 Start Where You're At: You can't get ready to get ready. You have to just start.
08:06 Find the right dose, effective but not deadly
10:34 Starting where you're at with the proper dose is an act of love for your self. When you assume you "should" be further ahead, it just opens you up to more self-criticism and discouragement.
13:23 Humility leads to confidence in this case
14:53 Because "knowing" and "experiencing" are two different things, if you want to have the type of confidence that drives you forward, you must act rather than prepare.
15:38 The Immortality Key: The Secret History of the Religion with No Name by Brian C. Muraresku, preface by Graham Hancock
21:41 Time + Worry = Fear... Action cures fear, and consistent practice makes it easier as you go
24:55 Some strategies for approaching difficult conversations (but first, don't avoid it, go in with action as soon as possible)
26:28 Fit at 42, tripped up, re-start where you're at now! (This requires self examination, self knowledge, presence, awareness.
32:19 Power Monkey, David and Sadie Durante
32:51 Phase 6
38:24 The frustration of re-starting after down-time. You can't pick up where you left off, you have to start where you're at, but where you're at is still ahead of where you started the first time because you now have experience, knowledge, and perspective from the past and now you other experiences that might carryover to your new approach. Starting where you're at requires honesty and shows self-respect.
47:04 A flip side: Meeting other people where they're at.
51:56 Starting where you're at is only possible if you take enough action to assess the reality of where you're at (you can't think your way to knowing) You can reduce your risk of disappointment and injury with self-k
Couples - Proven Fitness & Intimacy Practices To Achieve Your Health and Relationship Goals Together!
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Hi, this is Cody Limbaugh.
Tali:And I'm Tali Zabari, and you're listening to the Philosophy of Fitness podcast
Cody:on the Lyceum network.
Tali:Hey doll. Hey, baby. Did you come up with an icebreaker for today? Since I did I handed it off
Cody:to you. Yeah. So you have some travel coming up, you Uhhuh. You have a couple of. trips planned. Right. I thought you might wanna mention one or two of those and then give me, like you asked me earlier today, where would you want to travel for just you and I?
Tali:Oh, sure. So every year my mom, my sister and I, we do a Three Musketeers girls trip. And I think we've been doing this for like 10 years now. We tried to come up with the list the other day, or actually like the last time we saw each other of all the places that we've gone to. And we try to go somewhere new each time. So this year we're going to South Carolina, which is cool cuz none of us have ever been there. And our trips often surround a show that we wanna see. We love theater, we love musicals ballet, anything on stage really. And we're gonna see jagged little Pill, which. some sort of onstage experience of Alanis Morse's album that was just super major in our family when it came out. And so we'll be going there in May and then I'm going to Taylor Swift, which is so exciting. I am often happy dancing or just reminding everybody around me that I'm going to Taylor Swift And I'm gonna be going in June in Seattle and I'm going with my, one of my best gal pals Thai and some other gal pals of mine who are maybe more age appropriate for a Taylor Swift concert. But yeah, I'm freaking
Cody:out. Cool. Yeah. And then so that's what you got coming up. And then where, where are you thinking that you and I should go in the next year? Well,
Tali:I kind of wanna follow the same idea that we do for my girls' trip with my mom and sister is we should go summer. We haven't been yet. Mm-hmm. and. I know that once we start getting some traction with our company, like I want to of course reinvest that money, but I also wanna celebrate our wins, right? Sure. Yeah. We, we celebrated our win of signing up with our business coach, and I think that that's a really sweet gesture to do every time. And I don't know, I think it'd be really fun to like, go to Austin maybe New York. Maybe you've been to New York before. I have. Good point. Austin's a good idea. I would love to go to Austin. It sounds fun. Yeah, it does. It's, and it's hard though because we keep saying how all of the trips that we go to are like end up with family. Mm-hmm. Ken's in, in Texas, so that might be really hard to go there and not see'em. And then I was thinking Hawaii, but my cousins live there. Well, you have family everywhere. I know it's hard. Yeah. And we talked about Montana, but we're gonna go through your sister. Yeah. So it's kind of hard for us to find a place that like we can just go you and I. Yeah. And not try to rope everybody around it. But I have to say that's the struggle of not living close to family.
Cody:Yeah. Cuz we do wanna see them all the time. I do. So it's like, if you're gonna put the time and money out to travel, it's good to connect. But I think it's important that we do that just for ourselves at some point. Yeah. Yeah. in a similar vein for me, I used to go to Mexico frequently. Mm-hmm. annually. There was a conference that kind of started all that and then we stopped going, or I stopped going to the conference, but I kept the tradition of going every year. Right. So it was really cool. And when I would go to Mexico, it wasn't like a weekend in Cabo, it was like six weeks And so I would go down there for Yeah. Anywhere from a month to six weeks at a time and hang out with some really dear friends of mine that I hardly ever get to see. And in the last few years, not only have I not gone to Mexico, I have hardly seen them at all either. Right. It sucks really bad. So that I would like to try to get back to that tradition somehow. Okay. But for you and I, I think that Austin is a great idea.
Tali:Yeah. I wanted to pick somewhere that wasn't too far. Cuz if you and I are talking about like international traveling, like. I have a lot more Oh yeah. Ideas. That's easy. Yeah. But in terms of like, where could we go away for a week or a little less, you know? Yeah, yeah. Still be able to keep up with business recording, things like that. I think of something a little bit closer in, and I've always wanted to go to Austin. It sounds really fun. Cool. Great music. Supposedly
Cody:I'm on board. Let's, let's start kicking that can. Okay. So today the topic is start where you are at and this is something that has come up a lot of our episodes for the philosophy of fitness. Of course, we're gonna have overlap and we're gonna reiterate some things that we've touched on in the past, but we're gonna go a little deeper on this before, cuz we have mentioned how silly it is for us as coaches. When people tell us, well, I want to like get in shape or like get. I wanna be ready for CrossFit, so I'm gonna wait to sign up until, you know, six months from now until while I'm doing this like at-home workout thing or whatever. You know, it's like they have to get ready to get ready to get ready, right? And they don't understand that our role as a coach is to prescribe an appropriate exercise to you and an appropriate program to you. That's why we call it a prescription model. We prescribe things to you. It's not just come in and get your ass handed to you. So we're always trying to encourage people to just start wherever you're at. Just start now. Like wherever you are, you don't have to get ready for anything. Yeah.
Tali:You can even drop that you are at part. And just, just start, Just start. Yeah. Yeah, the phrasing on this one is kind of interesting. I've worked in many, many gyms and this has been a common theme in almost all of them. Meet your clients where they're at, and. I never really understood what that meant. Because everybody who goes into, I'm speaking about CrossFit just because it's a, it's where I worked at the longest, but, you know, as a client of CrossFit before, you know, you just kind of like jump into the fold. There are modifications available to you, but in a way you have a lot of agency in terms of how far you wanna push yourself. Mm-hmm. And very rarely did I find coaches being like, okay, I want you to move to this. Coaches are very different in terms of like how hands on they're gonna be and how much control they wanna have. Some can be really militant about it, and then some are cool with you just choosing your own adventure. And so I don't think I really understood this concept until I started working with clients one-on-one. It made it a lot more apparent what that means, and I was able to see a. My clients, you know, back to back, you know, any given day, I'd work with maybe five different clients and I could see from one to the next very easily how they really differ in their ability to challenge themselves. How much of their life is interfering with even being able to show up. And they all did the same programming. I would run the same, like CrossFit. I would run the same programming that day. But the sessions would be wildly different from one to the next. Sure. So I just thought that was an interesting dynamic when it comes to this concept because it's been talked about so much and I didn't really get it until very recently, I'd say in my coaching career. Mm-hmm.
Cody:Yeah. Well, I, I like the idea of thinking of it like prescription because. too much medicine will kill you and not enough is not effective. Mm-hmm. And so it's a matter of dosing things correctly. And so more is not better, faster is not better. You know, that, that's something that, and I think this may be cultural. I, I'm not worldly enough to know but I feel like it's a criticism of like American culture specifically. Is that like more is better, better means more. And so kind of like sprung out of the whole decade of greed of the eighties or whatever. Like there's a whole bunch of, are we attributing that to the eighties? Well, it's like sort of a mythos, I guess in, in our culture is like to blame certain, you know, political aspects for this. But it is definitely a thing in our culture where even though we've gotten away from like the bigger the car, the better it is. You know, we've gotten, gotten, gotten away from that in specific domains. Okay. But I still think it's sort of in the zeitgeist, like in the. In the ideas of the culture altogether is to be more, do more. You, you've gotta stand taller, you've gotta have more money. You've gotta be, you know, bigger, faster, stronger, you know? Right. Yeah. And all the above. Yeah. And I'm not knocking any of that. Of course, I have nothing against achievement or striving for achievement, but there's this sort of idea, I think it's almost like we're all being, treating ourselves as if we're not good enough for anything we want out of life. Hmm. And so to me it's, it's it's more intelligent and it's closer to reality to try to make sure that your dose is correct and not just more, and it's not just exercise, like I said, you know, we can take it out of the gym and just think about personal finance or something like, I mean, do you need to be a billionaire? You know, maybe. Six figures is just as good as a billionaire if you don't, you know, just depending on what you want out of your life. Mm-hmm. like, it's, it's very dose, it's individual dependent. And so you can dose things properly in how you manage your money, how you want to invest, what type of relationships you want to have or whatever. All these different aspects of life. I think we can shy away from this more as better idea.
Tali:You had said something about how we're kind of imposing on ourselves that we're not good enough to begin whatever endeavors. Mm-hmm. we have in mind, and I had a note here that really embracing, like starting where you're at is really an act of self-respect and a very loving thing to do for yourself because it is so easy to always feel like you are starting from a deficit. Mm-hmm. In our attempts to be ambitious, which I think is great. Sometimes that gap can feel so huge that we become overwhelmed by how daunting it is and then never start. Like you said, that's totally possible if you can't really get a clear look at where you're at. I think I wrote an article for Catalyst once about getting real with your numbers, and that was because there was a point in time where I had kind of learned that a way of training and weightlifting, you could kind of use your theoretical maxes as opposed to your real ones. Because the thing about a one rep max, when it comes to a very dynamic movement, like a snatch or a clean and jerk, is. Everything has to go right. Mm-hmm. on that day mm-hmm. to really know what your true one, one rep max is. Yeah. And a lot of times you will not get that data in one day. You might not get that data at the end of a training cycle. And so you kind of have to take all of the rest of the data into account of what you can realistically achieve, which can be, give or take five to 10 kilos. Mm-hmm. it'd say that that's like a safe, healthy boundary or like 3%. Right. But what that can do sometimes is I think it can really sabotage you. At the same time too, I have trained that way where I would base my numbers off of 80 kilos instead of 77 for my snatch mm-hmm. And what that would do is when I would miss lifts, I, it would kind of like be apparent in my head like, well, you haven't actually done this yet. Mm-hmm. this isn't really realistic. And so there was something really valuable I think about saying, okay, well maybe this is in my realm. But I have to train with the numbers that I actually have. I have to train with what I actually do know. And it's kind of like a critique of the fake it till you make it, which we've talked about many times. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Or fake it till you feel it, as my sister says Where I like that there's value to both, like propping yourself up with your potential is great, or where you want to go is great, but there's also something very humbling and valuable about the realistic situation that you're in. Mm-hmm. And I think that there's an easy value assigned to that as being less than.
Cody:Yeah. Yeah. I think humility is real key. Mm-hmm. in, in all of what we're talking about so far. And this topic is gonna branch out from here. I have some notes that are kind of on a whole different track here. They're out there, yeah. But while we're on this subject, you know, we, as far as people saying that they want to prepare to be able to come in to do CrossFit, sometimes, I don't know if it's even an ignorance. the structure and the coach's ability to modify things to be appropriate for them. I think sometimes it's like, yeah, I know you can modify things. I just don't want to be the one in class that has stuff modified for, like, they want to be, they
Tali:wanna be at the top level as they start, or
Cody:not even the top level, but they wanna be in the pack and not the last one. You know? They don't want to start out as the the new kid who doesn't know anything, but you know
Tali:what they don't realize, which I think is always like the gosh, like just come, you know? Yeah. I'm just trying to get them to go, is that they might never achieve that unless they have something to chase. Yeah. You know, they get to see it and be a part of it and have kind of the safe environment to try new things. And like that was the beauty of CrossFit. Like I would see someone right next to me who was, you know, a good friend or whatever, who could do pull-ups and I'd be like, wow, I really wanna do that. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And that would be a drive and like that person might help me and. Yeah. All sorts of awesome stuff can come out of it, but that resistance, ugh. Yeah. Even for me, so hard
Cody:to work against. Yeah. Even for me as a coach, I never, I wasn't too sure I would ever be able to do a muscle up, but I mm-hmm. watched enough training videos and went to enough certifications and like, studied, studied, studied to where I could coach people how to do a muscle up. And I remember coaching a few guys on how to do it and then one gal how to do it, and then I was, I can do this, like I I coaching other people to be able to do it kind of taught me that I could also do that. So for sure, I know what you're saying. Like there's a huge difference between learning something and experiencing something. And it's been an idea that's been floating around my head since I read it in a book about six months ago. And it's Which book was that? It was in the floor. I thought
Tali:I came up
Cody:with that. Oh no, it's the Brian Marrow rescue book called The Immortality Key. Oh, okay. And in the preface, I believe it was in the preface that was written by Graham Hancock. and he was talking about the psychedelic experience and how you can read all the books and you can understand the chemistry and you can listen to podcasts. You can just go on and on and on and on and on and on knowing about psychedelics and no amount of hearing people's accounts will ever prepare you for what it actually feels like to do it. And so it was like, there's a vast gap between knowledge and experience in that particular realm. And he gave the analogy of sex. He's like, you can watch sex, you can hear about sex. You can learn about sex, you can masturbate. But until you lose your virginity, you just don't know It's like, oh yeah. It's like, kind of drives it home. And so I, I've been thinking about that concept a lot about experience versus knowing, and I think it's really applicable to our overall topic of today of just starting just do, because you can. Think that you are preparing for something by learning and learning and learning and or maybe even getting a coach or whatever. You can, you can do all sorts of prep, but until you actually start to move on it, until you take action, you have no idea what you're talking about or what you're doing. Like you can think you know a lot until you start to get into it. And I've experienced that so hardcore in so many things lately. for sure.
Tali:Yeah. Yeah. And I think it's a big part of it is just being open to knowing where you are. Like what you're standing really is in the community that you wanna break into, or the sport that you wanna break into. And it's okay to be new at something. Mm-hmm. I just wish that we were more forgiving of ourselves in those situations. You know, it's. scary to be in a new realm and to feel like you don't know the lingo or you don't know any other people or mm-hmm. you know, might not have the support that you feel like you need, but you get to start to create that for yourself. Like you don't need anything else to get started. Yeah. Like, you just get going. Yeah. And that's how you build that confidence, like in doing so, that in and of itself is
Cody:the work. Yeah. And I think there's, there's just a great value in the whole fire, aim, ready scenario instead of ready, aim, fire. I've mentioned it in a podcast, but I think it was a few months ago, so I'm just gonna say it again. The classic adage is, ready, aim, fire. And that was, you know a military command kind of thing when people used to stand in lines and shoot at each other. It's really strange. But when you're citing in a gun for the first time and you don't. Know if the gun is accurate or not. What you have to do is you have to just pull the trigger at, you know, somewhere close to the target. You have to try to just shoot the best you can and then see where the bullet lands and then you can make adjustments to the rifle to dial it in and adjust the sites so that they line up with where you want to hit. So the order really is you fire first. Mm-hmm. so that you know what the hell's going on and then you can aim and then you're ready. So it's, it's a backwards order, but that's how you actually get accurate with that. You have to take action
Tali:first. If that's not someone else's book title, like just take it I think that's great. I remember that being in the running for one of your book titles. Yeah. And I thought it was brilliant. Yeah. It's such a concrete example and it's so. It's such a valuable analogy. It really
Cody:is. Yeah. And now you've experienced it cuz you got to sign on your own rifle. I
Tali:did, but it wasn't couple months ago. That extensive of an experience. I mean, I'll bet Andrew learned a thing or two that day. Cause it took like hours to sign on his rifle. Yeah. But not, not mine. Yeah. He just, I'm good. Really. I'm really bummed that I didn't really hunt in anything this year cuz I was like, I felt really ready. You are ready. Because last year I pulled the trigger you know, I, I feel like I really put myself into it. But that's another story I guess. But hunting, we had a great hunting season this year.
Cody:But that's a, you know, another great analogy is that to think about hunting, like if you had watched hunting documentaries or read books on it, how, I mean, how close do you think you could ex get to experiencing that without actually
Tali:experiencing it? Well, it's interesting that you said that specifically because. I had thought about watching some videos about gutting an elk. Mm-hmm. before doing it. Mm-hmm. and I kind of had the feeling that if I did it, my initial thought was that, well, I'll feel more comfortable cause I know what to expect. Mm-hmm. like there won't be any surprises. And then the second thought that I have, because I feel like I know better now, is that it might deter me more to be involved because I know too much. Yeah. And I'll already make decisions about it and I'll already decide how I feel about it. Mm-hmm. where as, when I actually, if you're in it, you're in it Right. So when I did end up getting that elk with you I just kind of like, I just kind of volunteered and I was like, well, okay, I guess I'm, I guess I'll do this today. And you didn't even ask me. I asked you, I said, can I help you with that? Mm-hmm. because there were two downed that day and there was. Part of our team working on the First Elk, and you were gonna do the second there only, only
Cody:two of us there that knew how to do it right.
Tali:And two Elk And so we had to split up, and I knew that it's a big job, and I figured, all right, well, I can be utilized now. And I also felt really compelled to help. Like, I know that's gonna be a pin in the ass for you to try to do alone. And so yeah, I think in turn, that allowed it to be a really meaningful experience. Mm-hmm. like, sure. I cried for a little bit, you know? Mm-hmm. I had to stop what I was doing for a moment just because I, I. I wouldn't say like blacked out or anything, but I had so much adrenaline mm-hmm. rushing through me as I was helping, and then all of a sudden it kind of hit me like, oh my gosh. Like that's, that's what their organs look like. And oh my gosh, I'm holding its leg open so you can like split it down the middle. Sorry, this is getting gross, but it had all kind of dawned on me at one moment that you were doing what you were doing and I was seeing all of it and it just overcame, I just, it washed over me and you know, I was able to get back to it, but I'm glad that I was able to experience that in the moment rather than see it ahead of time and then fucking dread it.
Cody:And then dread it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's a really good point. You know, I've talked about how thinking plus time equals fear. Mm-hmm. you know, that that's kind of what, that's where fear comes from for a lot of things. I'm not talking about the immediate, like adrenaline responsive. Something jumping out at you, but the type of fear that keeps us from doing things. A lot of times it's just we spend too fucking much time thinking about it. Yeah. And it builds up in our head, and I'm so guilty of this, I know, I know this so deeply about myself, and yet still fall into the trap you think of, of thinking that something is gonna be way worse to do than it actually is. Oh. Like whether it's a chore, like it could be something dumb, like a stupid chore that I have to do, or some task or a phone call or something like that, that I'm just like, oh God, I don't wanna do this. And then afterwards, like, why did I build that? You
Tali:just need to keep pushing yourself in those situations because, you know, I always thought of myself as being really non-confrontational and like not feeling comfortable to have difficult conversations. And I find myself now like, how soon can I make this happen? Yeah. Like, I wanna cross that off my list. Absolutely not good. Out of like wanting that sense of accomplishment, which is great. Mm-hmm. but I also don't. Want, I don't wanna like sit on this side of the fence and wonder. Yeah. The wondering is worse.
Cody:Yeah. I've seen you approach that so many times since we've been together and I've seen you improve at it over that time in that practice. Really respect you for that. Thank you. And I look up to you a lot for that cuz I thank you've seen it in action many times where there's stuff with a relationship. You know, that's probably primarily the, the issue is like, you know, confronting something that's just not right in a relationship. And and you have had an approach of, like you said, trying to like, when, when is the soonest we can deal with this. And then if it's like tomorrow or something, then you will talk it out with me and we'll go over ideas about how to best approach it and stuff. But you're not, you're not talking it out with me for like weeks at a time wondering how to deal with it. And then try to schedule something. It's like, no, let, let's deal with this now. And then between now and the time I'm gonna be dealing with it now, now we can strategize. And I think so many people get that so backwards. They try to strategize everything up front. And it kind of goes back to what I was talking about with the difference between knowledge and experience. How can you strategize for something you have no experience
Tali:with? Right. Well I was just gonna say, that's how you change where you're at. Yeah. You just have to fucking do it. Yeah, exactly. And that can be super fun. Like you were saying, you see progress in me in that specific regard. And I feel it too, like the anxiety that I have about confronting people or addressing something that might have been uncomfortable or whatever it just doesn't bother me in the way that it used to. Mm-hmm. I used to agonize so much and. that's how you change where you're at. But you also have to be forgiving of yourself and maybe even use some language like in those moments like, Hey, I'm not exactly sure how I want to say this, or I'm, I don't want to come off as rude when I bring this up, or I'm not trying to ambush you. You know, you can kind of like set some. like guardrails for yourself or to like communicate that I'm probably not gonna be very good at this. Mm-hmm. but that's not gonna stop me from trying. Yeah. And just on that note, like with this very specific example, one of the fav my favorite tactics that I have learned when it comes to having crucial and or difficult conversations is to explain what your desired outcome is right at the start. Like, I'm hoping that we can clarify, yeah, what happened last week, or I'm hoping that you and I will be closer because I'm being vulnerable with you. Yeah. Setting that stage right ahead of time can really put down people's guard and give you the room for the conversation that you really
Cody:want to have. Well, yeah, and I think having clear intentions is very valuable for the other person to know too. Yeah. Not a, not, not just in like, taking their guard down, as you say. But just in knowing that your intentions are good. Yes. You know,
Tali:because that could be totally misinterpreted. Yeah, absolutely.
Cody:Yeah. Yeah. That's a great little side tidbit. there. So I thought you might want to talk about our fitness lull a little bit over the last several years because when we met, I know it's years with an s now. Yeah. But with, when you and I met each other and first started dating, we were all hot for each other because, because we were hot. We were hot, we were like, we were both in the best shape of our lives. Yeah. And so I was 42 and for the first time, In my life at 42, I have a photo of it So isn't
Tali:it on our wall? I can't see it cuz there's that.
Cody:Right now I have the closest to a six pack that I've ever had in my life. And I would go so far as to say I actually captured it on camera that I had, it was real that I had a sixpack and at the age of 42, it was crazy. You were a smoke show. I thought, because it had taken my whole life to finally sort of dial that in and got there. I thought, oh, I'm, I'm gonna keep this forever. Like, I don't ever want to go back. Jokes on you. Yeah. And then we moved to the middle of nowhere with major lifestyle change and the covid thing that everybody has been dealing with for, you know, in the last few years. And yeah, just a whole up like life was upside down. Yeah. And so we got derailed. Yeah, for sure. But we have restarted and we've restarted multiple times. Yep. Which I think is also another valuable lesson. It's like just cuz you start and fail and start and fail and start and fail and keep tripping, doesn't mean you don't just keep getting up and restarting again.
Tali:Well, no, there's always been an element of reassessment, which I feel like I try to throw into this podcast a lot because we are changing moment to moment our life, just hours specifically have been changing month to month. Things drastically change. Like whether it's hunting season or winter or you aren't working anymore. Whatever, there's always some huge wrench thrown into the mix, and reassessment is super huge, and that means we have to change our schedules. Yeah. We have to change when we're gonna work out or what kind of working out we're doing in order to feel our best, but also to be realistic with what we can get away
Cody:with. Yeah. Yeah. So that just reminds me of our workout. Yesterday. We had plans to do a whole power lifting session, and instead we went down and we did five sets of five deadlifts, and that was the whole fucking workout. like we warmed up a little bit. Of course, but other than our warmup, that was all we did, but Well, but the thing is, but the thing is is I'm not ashamed to say that because we did something like, it would've been really easy to be like, well, we overslept. We are, are slow moving. We only had 30 minutes. Let's just pick it up later. Yeah. But instead we went downstairs and we did something.
Tali:Well, that's definitely the, something is better than nothing. Episode. I don't know if we already did it. Or if we're gonna do it but that's always an important one. But to back that up even more, so Cody had mentioned that we did a power lifting session. I am not a power lifter, I am a weightlifter. Let's just say those are very different things. And I'm not trying to sound snooty, it's just a lot of times when I'm like, oh yeah, I'm a weightlifter. People are like, how much do you bench? Which, so
Cody:I'm just gonna cla I'm gonna clarify cuz you don't want to come across a snooty, but
Tali:I already am. I know it's already too late. Well,
Cody:I can give a kind of an analogy. I guess that may not resonate with everybody, but hopefully it makes sense. Okay. A libertarian is a political philosophy like libertarianism. Is it political philosophy? There is also a political party called the Libertarian Party. They are two very different things because the libertarian party does a lot of concessions that are outside of the philosophy of libertarianism. In the name of being pragmatic. And so to clarify those two terms, a lot of times, we'll say Big L Libertarian or small L I've heard that libertarian. And so small l libertarian means that you ascribe some value to the philosophy of libertarianism. Got it. Whereas a big L libertarian is a label for a very specific group. So let's take it back to weightlifting. So weightlifting as two separate words, like lifting weight is an activity, but weightlifting, capital w is a fucking sport. and it's a sport in the Olympics. It's very specific sport with Yes, with very specific guidelines.
Tali:I'm also gonna attribute maybe running my mouth a little bit too much to my cram intake today, but yes, weight lifting. The competitive sport that consists of the snatch and the clean and jerk. And then power lifting is also very strong folks who are competing in the deadlift, the back squat and the bench press. And so they often just get used interchangeably. They're totally different, but people who are not involved in the sport probably, or in either one of the sports just probably don't know. So we'll just take a moment to educate here and this episode, where was I
Cody:going with this? This episode is tangent City. Goodness. Yeah. What
Tali:was I, what, where was I going with this? We might
Cody:have to rewind the tape.
Tali:Oh my gosh. You had brought it up. You had said something about me with my weight lifting. Oh, oh, oh, oh. So Cody had mentioned that we are power lifting. Yes. And so I have often said that I have no interest in power lifting. Primarily because it's, It's a little less cerebral to me. It doesn't feel quite as exciting. The movements are super valuable but I have used them as accessory work for my weightlifting. And so Cody and I have a lot going on right now. We have made some room to train more effectively with each other in the mornings, a full hour, maybe even longer. And we also found ourselves doing a lot of different things. We do weightlifting. We did Power Monkey, which is a really incredible gymnastics program by some friends of ours David and
Cody:Sadie Duran, and, and check out the show notes. Guys. I'll link. Whatever we talk about that's specific like that, check out the description of the episode because I've been putting a lot of work into that and yes, you have. I'm trying to make it easier because when I listen to podcasts and I'm always trying to take my own notes because they don't provide links to the books they talk about and stuff like that. It drives me nuts. But we do so check out.
Tali:So we had those things going on. Also, phase six fitness, which is super, super fun programming. It's very like flow like functional movement patterns that I love so much. We got ourselves like a year subscription, so I, I wanna be using it. And then we do CrossFit on Sunday with some friends. And so it just felt like we had too many things on our plate. Very hard to feel like we were excelling in anyone. And as much as I. To be weightlifting to the degree that I think I should be, which is a theme of today, I need to not think of myself as Tali the weightlifter, you know, three years ago. I have to think about who I am, what my body's capable of now. And so I had just told Cody one day, like, I just don't really feel like I have the mental bandwidth to lift in the sport of weightlifting consistently right now. I still wanna keep the technique at the forefront so I can commit one day a week to that. But I also feel a loss of strength and I really wanna build that up. So why don't we get back into power lifting or get into power lifting and just get really fucking strong this year. Mm-hmm. So that reassessment was super crucial to come to that conclusion. But I also had to just admit, like, as much as I want to be a weightlifter right now, like I don't really have the interest or the bandwidth or the strength to do it. and that doesn't mean that I can't come back to it. Mm-hmm. it's just I've also let a lot of things go mm-hmm. for too long for that to be realistic. And I don't wanna get injured, I don't wanna get injured. I wanna feel like I have enough time to do it. You know, weightlifting in one hour does not feel worth it to me. Mm-hmm. to get enough out of it. So I'm gonna like put that on the back burner until I do have that time. But doesn't mean I have to let my body go or my strength go, which is the part of it that I love so much. Yeah. So that's where I'm at.
Cody:Yeah. I think so I think it's, I I wanted to bring up that whole fitness journey cuz it's, The theme of the podcast is start where you're at, but it can also be like, restart where you're at. Because a lot of times I think we get in our heads, and I can bring in another analogy of drawing for this because there were, there was a time when my skills at drawing far surpassed where I'm at now. And I was even looking back through some archives yesterday, a couple days ago, came across a before and after picture of a student of mine that I used to teach drawing classes too. And it's really amazing before and after pictures of her drawings. And it's like now I can't, I mean, I am, my skills have atrophied severely, isn't that, and I have to. Admit to myself that it's okay to just start where I'm at. And part of my frustration with trying to get into a drawing practice again is I'm so frustrated with what comes out on the paper because I still have the eye for it. I still, I still know Yes. What it should be, quote
Tali:unquote. That's almost like a mean joke. You know? I have the same feeling with weightlifting where it's like I have mentally experienced all of this mm-hmm. and like my body is somewhere else on that. Yeah. On that trajectory. Yeah. It's like there's a huge mismatch between what I know and what I'm currently experiencing. Exactly. It's super strange. Why, why? Yeah. I mean, it's not true though because in a way like I can still clean and jerk, you know, 75 kilos if I want to. Yeah. It's gonna feel really heavy. Yeah. And it might not be as, easy as it once was, but that's all still in there. Yeah. Like I still know a lot of things that I'm gonna put into that lift, that's gonna gimme the advantage, blah, blah, blah. For sure. But drawing's kind of a hard one for me to relate to because I am not, I have not given much time to any artistic craft. Mm-hmm. And so to think about that skill leaving you so to speak seems so odd. It's frustrating. So like, what about people who just have talent? Well, does that just stick forever?
Cody:So I think talent is, you know, it's just like genetics in sports, right? Like some people are built for a certain sport, but in, but that does not mean that they're gonna be the best at that sport if they don't put in more work than everybody else as well. Like it takes both. Hmm. I would say that there is some innate talent in my drawing ability. My mother's an artist. My dad has done art stuff in the
Tali:past. I've seen your self-portrait that was on her wall. Yeah. Oh my gosh, I loved that.
Cody:I think I was like 15 when I joined.
Tali:Ugh. And I, gosh, you were so handsome. in that drawing.
Cody:So there's obviously some innate talent there as far as just having sort of the physical attributes, I guess, of being able to see things in a certain way. Mm-hmm. But the actual skill of getting that down onto the paper is what takes work. And I haven't been doing the work, and so it's a constant battle for me to, you know, I keep returning to it recently or over the last year, but it's like I return to it knowing that it's probably not gonna come out like I want, but that it is in there somewhere. Like I have the ability and so I just need to get back to practicing. But then the experience is still frustrating because sometimes it comes out so much worse even than I thought it would It's like, really bad. This looks like some child. It's like, so yeah. It's frustrating. It's
Tali:heartbreaking. It's almost like you feel like your past self is like pointing and laughing at you. Yeah. Like, you should fucking know how to do this. Loser. Yeah. But I, it's odd. It's a really odd experience and it makes me feel old. Cause it's like, whoa, I've had a previous life already. Yeah. Weird.
Cody:See, that kinda makes me feel old too. Like, yeah. Washed up or something. But but to try to put a, a more positive spin on this I am also trying to remind myself that, you know, when you, when you are excelling at something and then you stop and maybe you atrophy in a certain area when you have to restart again, you're not starting. From where you left off, but you're also not starting from where you began. No, exactly. Like if you were to suddenly spark a fire for weightlifting again to the point where you wanted to compete, you would already know so much more than you did going into your first competition ever. I mean, just indescribable how much of an advantage you have right now if you were to start from scratch, quote unquote.
Tali:Well, and there's also another benefit to it where you're almost able to start with fresh eyes. Mm. You can kind of decide what you wanna let go of and what you wanna move forward with. And we've talked about that as just a part of our life cycles as people. But you can think about that in terms of your craft as well, or your passion, or your hobby or whatever you wanna call it, your practice. And so I think about that a lot when it comes to weightlifting, like getting back into competing, but. You know, what would that look like? Would I have a coach? Would I have a team? Like there are things that I have to be okay with not being the same. Yeah, well it can't be the same. It can't be the same. Yeah. And I think a lot of people would be trying to chase the same feeling. Mm-hmm. you know, like I could very well, I mean, obviously where we live, this doesn't make it easy, but like, let's say you and I moved to the city and I just found another coach and another team, and I could essentially do it all over again. Mm-hmm. But part of me doesn't want that. Like I have a deep respect for what I've done, but I also want it to be something different to mm-hmm. living. You know, how I don't really love predictability in life in general. And so that would be feeding right into the same game and. I think that ability to recreate what you've already lived through is maybe the most important point there, that it can be recycled into something totally different,
Cody:right? Yeah. So you can come into it with experienced knowledge. And perspective, like you said, that is an advantage, but you can't go back and relive it.
Tali:Well, and I have to learn from redo it. Yeah. I have to learn from it too. And if I just do the same thing over again, I didn't learn Jack. Mm-hmm. So, you know, when it comes to my experiences with coaches or my love of training with other people, like I have to pay attention to those things. Like I probably will not be lifting competitively ever again unless I get to lift with other people. Mm-hmm. that experience is so exciting and fun and potent to me. Yeah. And what makes it meaningful? Like that's how I could relate to other people. And so if I'm doing it isolated in my own gym mm-hmm. then it's, I don't get sparked in the same way. I just don't. Yeah. But what if I just did that instead of working with a coach? Cuz my experience with coaches has not been great. so, you know, get rid of what doesn't work and move forward with what does mm-hmm. And maybe that creates enough of a, a different circumstance for something new to emerge. You know, like how exciting could that be? Yeah. And I try to think about that with kind of creating like a community out here, since it doesn't exist, that's why I'm so eager to get those stall mats. I just feel like I have to keep chipping away at making more room for more people to come. Yeah. I just want like a ladies lifting club so bad. I can think of so many friends that I've made here who would be. Fucking bitching at it. Yeah. Yeah.
Cody:I was side tangent. So coaching our shared client this morning and was teaching her a new movement and it's just like, just immediately clicks and it looks so great. And I'm like, oh, man, tell's gonna try to like recruit you. What did you teach her? Well, we're gonna start working toward the jerk. And so today I just had her like push pressing and that's probably the most dynamic weightlifting movement she's done other than your clean work with her. I was gonna say what with, with her cleans. Yeah. But I mean, like, she hasn't been doing in her upper body stuff, you know? She's a sprinter, she's a runner. So we've been focusing on a lot of hip stuff. Well yeah, she just went right into it, like from, from a demo to her performing it and it was just like, wow, that's just so good And so yeah.
Tali:Yeah, her body awareness is really great. Yeah.
Cody:So I had another note that is closely related to what you were just talking about. So you were talking about if you restart something, we're not starting from scratch. We're not starting from where we left off. You know, you're not at your peak anymore. Nope. But, but you're also not a newbie. You have perspective, you have experience and you have knowledge. Something else you have is you have otherworldly experience. So you have learned things outside of weightlifting that might actually carry over to your next experience. Where you to, should you get back into it? Hmm. And weightlifting may not be the perfect example, but I can think of, for instance, my experience in business. So, you know, I've owned several businesses and one of them was for about 17 years in the gym business and had a lot of like failures and things to look back on. Not so fondly, you know, just having to move cuz we couldn't pay the rent and over and over and. Really struggled, but kind of kept it afloat for 17 years. Finally just burned out completely. Yeah. And now we're restarting a new business. And what's cool though is that we're not, we're restarting with knowledge, experience, and perspective on my old business, but having stepped away from it, I also have perspectives on the world itself and about myself and about our relationship and like all these different things that are not even related to my previous business experiences that are valuable for our new business. So I think that's just another way to encourage people to start something if they've fallen off the wagon, whether it's your exercise routine or your meditation practice or some, you know, relationship that's not what it used to be and you'd like to regain the spark or whatever, you know. Y as you go through this life, you're picking up skills and knowledge from all sorts of different areas that you can bring to the table the next time you go in to start that thing over again.
Tali:Yeah. It's so tricky cuz you know, every time we talk about like, clients who take two weeks off and we're like, ugh. Like that's just gonna ruin everything You know, I feel like I want to change my strong opinions about that, of how detrimental it is. Because I think that there's gotta be something really valuable to this, like starting and stopping and reassessing and mm-hmm. Adjusting that we're always doing as long as there's still effort. You know, cuz obviously if you just let go of everything, you're at a standstill or you're atrophying or you're perishing, you know, there's, there's an inverse effect or an. A different direction you could be taking entirely, but yeah, I just, I just don't wanna feel so definite about certain things, and I think that that kind of flexibility is really important for this topic to meet people where they're at or to meet yourself where you are at. Mm-hmm. It's, it's a respect, it's like an, an understanding and an acknowledgement of what you can handle at this point in your life. And to assume that you could handle the same things that you did when you were 42 or 26. Mm-hmm. It's just really naive to think so. I, I believe. Yeah. But I'm kind of interested in something I had just said and I didn't think about it. You know, we're talking about where we are at, but thinking about where other people are at. Mm-hmm. is something really important. I think that should come up today because, you know, in the beginning I had mentioned, we talk about our clients all the time, meet them where they're at, meet them where they're at, and I was like, I don't really know what that means, But I'm thinking about how you can use the same idea for relationships and having compassion for other folks who may operate differently than you do, and being able to respect that, even if it's not like where you want them to be, I guess. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I think about that a little bit like with some family members of my own that I feel like I have challenges with and, you know, I'm holding them up to standards that I set for myself. That's not fair to put on somebody else. right? They're an entirely different person. Mm-hmm.
Cody:No, that's a good point. And I think that's probably closely related to what you're talking about as far as a realistic assessment. You know you can't use hypothetical numbers. You have to live in the real world, you know? Yes. And it's the same with relationships. You know, a lot of times we have ex, I mean, oh, I was so guilty of this when I was younger, of just having an expectation for what people, how people should respond to certain things or the way they should feel about things. And then is there anything that comes to mind Then when they didn't, it was heartbreaking to me, you know? Well, my heart, my, my high school sweetheart, you know, I remember, and this is embarrassing to admit, but just keep in mind, I was 16 at the time, but it's okay. We love you. When things were when I was starting to feel a little insecure in the relationship, I, I will admit that I just, I played this little game. I thought, I wonder how she'd respond if I told her that I was thinking of breaking up with her. I was not thinking of breaking up with her. I was. Afraid that she was sort of drifting away and I thought this might spark a conversation. And
Tali:so I said, or at least give you an idea of like where she's at. Yeah. I mean, I, this is not, you're not the only
Cody:person who plays cases. Oh, I'm, I know, but I don't do this anymore. And so it's hard for me to, I'm glad Yeah, I mean, you and I are just bluntly honest and forthright in every regard, so Oh yeah, good. But back then, 16 in love, and I told her, yeah, I was thinking about breaking up with her, and her response was so casual, it felt like I got shot in the stomach. What did she say? She was just like, really? Why? And she was just like, shrugged, like, why? And I was like, that, that's it. Like, that's all you. She looked totally relaxed and she like kept eating, you know? And I was just like, what the fuck? Like this, this is not even upsetting to you, I would actually,
Tali:I would read that very differently. because that sounds like, like, I can imagine her being really confused by you saying
Cody:that. Well, see, this is my point though, is that I had an expectation for what her reaction should have been. Mm-hmm. And when it wasn't, it was devastating to me. And it's because I was projecting my thoughts and emotions and my thinking about the whole situation onto her. And when that didn't happen, it felt like I said, like I said, I got shot in the stomach. I mean, I felt so terrible that she was so casual about it and like didn't seem to give a fuck. Well, honey played yourself. I know. And that's terrible. So it's I think it's a really valuable lesson though looking back, you know, 31 years later that you know, having an expectation for how people should quote unquote respond to things is the same as lying to yourself about your weights in the gym. Like, oh, I hit that one, lift that one day, two years ago. And I'm still using that as my numbers for, for assessing my performance. It's like, that's not reality. And in the same way you projecting your thoughts, feelings, emotions your, your way of thinking about things as far as your understanding onto what other people should do, and the way that they respond is just living in a fantasy world. And we see that all the time, like on social media. Mm-hmm. I mean, all the time. We, we were just having a conversation with this the other day about like pronouns and, and that kind of thing, and how easily offended people can get. Sometimes. Sometimes when you're just asking a question, like, I'm just trying to clarify and understand, and that person's getting offended. And it's like, well, the only reason they're offended is because they expect something from me that is impossible because I haven't lived their experience. I haven't. Right. I don't know the same things they know I Right. I don't. Have their life. I'm not in their brain, but they're expecting me to respond a certain way. And then when I don't, might be labeled a bigot or ignorant or whatever, and it's like, well, I'm, I'm just trying to understand
Tali:here, Yeah. Yeah. I actually have a note here that says, you know, trying to assess where you're at and operate from that vantage point, you are really preventing yourself from disappointment and you're preventing yourself from injury. You know, figuratively speaking even. And I think about how we've talked about how there's the tendency to either overestimate what we're capable of, and that's how you hurt your back in a, back, in a deadlift competition thing and mm-hmm. you can also underestimate it where I have. babied myself for many months because I was like, you know, too afraid to put any weight on the bar cuz I didn't think I deserved it or wasn't ready for it or had thought that maybe I didn't retain very much strength, even if I did. And so, you know, we can teeter to either side but both can be detrimental in different ways. And so figuring out where you're at, which I'm not quite sure how you do that. hope you have some ideas, but I think that it's something that you have to, you have to figure out. But I feel silly for saying that cuz I'm not sure how to do it.
Cody:Well I think figuring out where you're at is just what we're talking about. It's taking action. Taking action, that's the action only way you find
Tali:out where you're at. And also being like, this is how much time I have to work out each week. Mm-hmm. this is how many hours of sleep I can get each night. Mm-hmm. like. It's so easy for us to talk in our like, idealistic way of, this is what I wanna be doing, this is what I should be doing. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. But like, what can you actually achieve? Yeah. And it's really hard to say it sometimes. Yeah. Because you might be showing a deficit. Yeah. You might be showing something obsessive or compulsive. Like it's, it can be a little jarring. I
Cody:have some, a really good analogy for that. Yeah. Or experience late recently, so I was on a call with our business coach Mm. Last week. And we were talking about features of our new product that we're gonna launch and what could realistically be included right away for like an initial, like a pilot offer kind of thing. Yeah. And one of the things I mentioned that we could do is I can easily modify, so I wrote a 90 day. course journal at one point, and it talks a lot in there about gratitude and vision and affirmations and things like that. And it's it's basically like its own book. I mean, it's a lot of content. It's not just a blank journal. And I think it could be easily modified for our couple's coaching that we're about to do. We just add in some of the couples things that we've talked about wanting, right? But gratitude and a shared vision and all that is, is really part of it. And he's like, well, how real, how realistically, how long would it take you to get that put together? And so I had to really stop and be okay realistically. I was like, that's a scary word. I could probably do it by New Year's, like, you know, five, six weeks. And he's. We need to launch marketing within the next couple weeks. So let's put that on the back burner. That can be an add-on later. Damn. It's a nice to have. Yeah. You don't need it. And I was like, oh shit, that's That's hard to take cuz there's so much work already done in it. And I thought, well, that'd be a really cool thing that we could really do. And I launch it out and he's like, yeah, six weeks. That's just, that's a nice to have. We can do that later.
Tali:That's great. And I mean, not great that it like probably felt like a blow, like a blow to the ego. Mm-hmm. But I really love working with somebody who can do that kind of thinking for us. Yeah. Yeah. Because you and I have a tendency to get stuck on things that won't have traction for a
Cody:while. Yeah. And so getting, you know, that kind of brings home the point that you were just talking about, which to me, lately being realistic about things has helped me to learn how to say no because man, I. I am so guilty for a lot of my failures in life is just trying to do too much too soon, too fast. Why everything now? Like, everything's a priority. You know, we, we just started a book called Essentialism, which I think is gonna help with some of this.
Tali:It's so ironic. Yeah.
Cody:But there's just this tendency, especially I think with creative type people or just anybody who's really ambitious, I guess is just, it's easy to wanna say yes to things because it's exciting and oh, this will add to that and this will improve my fitness in this way.
Tali:That's the same thing that you were talking about earlier, about like the big car, the big job. The more and more and more. Yeah. Yeah. In
Cody:another way, in a, in a way. But it is almost like you feel like you're gonna be better if you do this other thing. Another analogy might be like my morning routine. Like I, yeah, I want to. contrast therapy, hot sh, you know, cold showers and saunas, and I wanna do meditation and I wanna work out and I wanna read and I want to pretty soon. It's like this is a six hour morning routine. Like you can't do it all.
Tali:That's an inside joke I have with myself. When you call it a morning routine, I chuckle a little bit to myself. It's
Cody:myself morning, right up until noon. Right.
Tali:But that's how I see it too. Yeah. That's how I see it too. And I'm excited about the Essentialism book, giving us an idea of how to distill mo more of our life. Yeah. Because it does feel very chaotic. It does feel like there's so many moving parts and some of. Are kind of non-negotiable at the moment. Mm-hmm. like getting in firewood, our house that we have to clean, like, you know, we outsourced cleaning our house at one point and that was fucking great. Can't wait to do that
Cody:again. Yeah, we will again. But right now we're tightening the ship a little bit and
Tali:the same thing with the business. Like, let's just make sure we continue to record our podcast, let's make sure we just keep working through our coursebook, that kind of stuff. Like we just need to do the bare bones and do them well. Yep. And the same thing with our training right now. Let's just do power lifting. We both like to feel strong. Mm-hmm. we can do it with relatively quick warmups. You know, like, I love dead deadlift day Love cuz it's just like you can get right into it. Yeah. You know? Yeah. With weightlifting it's like, gotta make sure all my joints are doing all the right things. You know, it's a, it's a lot to
Cody:ask. Yeah. I'm looking forward to when we are launching our new coaching program. I used to be guilty of trying to pigeonhole people into what I thought they needed. versus, that doesn't sound like a bad thing. Well, he would be at the detriment of their compliance. Oh.
Tali:So, oh gosh. I really need to pay attention to this cuz I feel like I really well experienced this recently.
Cody:It's not the only reason that people aren't compliant, but I can think of specific example. A dear friend of mine, Kim she did CrossFit. I mean, that's how we met. She joined my CrossFit gym. Mm-hmm. And she was kicking ass and everything was great for a while. And then she had an injury. I don't know that it was CrossFit related, but it was exacerbated cuz she had some shoulder issues and you know, you kind of test the waters and it doesn't work out and shoulders are hard. She got, you know, it was discouraging to have her being modified all the time for her, not to me as a coach. I, I love that stuff. Yeah. I love to help people out and figure out how we can make it work. But I was constantly trying to make CrossFit work for her and. Not really paying attention to the fact that she just didn't wanna fucking do CrossFit anymore. Mm-hmm. you know, it wasn't just like, yeah, she can come in and I can make the workout safe for her for sure. I know I have the skills to do that. And if we worked closely together, we could modify everything to be very effective and safe and whatnot. She just didn't want to anymore. Mm-hmm. and I wasn't listening to that. And so, and it was kind of hard cuz we're really good friends. So I think it was hard for her to tell me that she didn't really want to do it anymore. Sure. And so she'd try other things at other gyms yoga, et cetera, et cetera. And I was always, I always tried to be encouraging cuz of course I, I just want people to keep moving and like improving and taking good care of themselves. So I was happy to see her trying different things to take care of herself. But I also found myself sort of critical. It's like, oh, you should just come in cuz it'll be better kind of attitude about. So with our new coaching programs, I'm just excited to approach it a little differently since we're gonna be working with couples and trying to figure out how they can work together more as a couple, right? It's gonna require us to program differently than I ever have because I'm not gonna be trying to get everybody to do CrossFit. I'm gonna be like, what are his goals? What is his time commitment that he can do? What does he like to do? Where is his body at? What are the assessments? And then ask the same of the spouse, and they may be two different things. And so if they have different time commitments, different equipment, like maybe one has a gym membership, one's working at a home, like there's, there's things in there that are gonna require us to bend as coaches and be like, I would rather you having, I would rather have you under a barbell, but you don't have access to one. So here's what we're gonna do instead. And so, To me, I'm kind of excited about that
Tali:because fuck, I'm glad you are. Cause that's so nerveracking to me to think about
Cody:Well, I just, I think that it's gonna help provide a more valuable service to people in something that they can be compliant for. Because we're being realistic. We're meeting them where they're at. We're meeting them with what they need.
Tali:Yes, you have to where they want, respect their limitations. But it's hard sometimes because I feel like people seek coaches cuz they want to be elsewhere or they need, they need to be not where they're
Cody:at. Well, and that's where well that's where we have to decide. And they process of like, okay, here's your goal here. You're telling me you want this, but you only have time for that. And I'm telling you as a coach, one of those has to change. Either your expectations have to come down because you're telling me you only have 30 minutes, you know, four times a. You're not gonna win this competition. You know, like that kind of thing. It's like, it's up to us as coaches to bring them to reality and say, here's where you're at, here's what you can realistically do. And if you want more, you're gonna have to give up something else somewhere else.
Tali:Yeah. I've had clients who have expressed very lofty goals and are like, great, I'll see you once a week. And I'm like, mm, yep. I don't have the same comfort level as you do where I've seen you do this and it's brilliant where you're like, you know, letting them know like, well that's not really possible with what you are asking of me. Mm-hmm. I'm gonna need you to commit to X many days or whatever, where I have just kind of kept that information to myself. But I can see. that isn't in, that's kind of like the other big fault that is, has been a theme of our lives lately, where it's in your hopes to either protect the relationship or your partnership or whatever it is, by withholding information. Mm-hmm. it doesn't help anybody. Nope. Yeah. Yeah. All
Cody:right. Noted. Got it. I'm glad that we've learned that with each other for sure. So yeah, we, I think we touched on peaks and valleys a little bit because of our, you know, we met in the best shape of our lives and now we're not, but we're working on it and we're coming back.
Tali:It's nice to have been there. Yeah.
Cody:The one thing that, you know, we, we talked about all these like upsides, like, oh, we have previous skills that of course we can apply into the future cuz we haven't forgotten the skills. It's just a matter of re honing them. Yeah. We've got the knowledge, you know, we've got carryover skills from outside. You know, living life basically, that we can maybe apply to our future training or whatever. But one thing I used to tell people, and this was usually just to get them through a workout that sucks really bad. Uhhuh, is, I would just say like, instead of concentrating on the fact that there's like 150 reps to do in this workout, the only rep that matters is the one you're doing and the next one, that's it. There's only two reps that matter, the one you're doing, and the next one. That's so funny. And I would tell'em that while they're like sucking air, you know, like on the floor, like, ugh. I'm like, all that matters is the one you're doing. And the next one just focus on your good, you know, form your positioning, your movement quality right now, and then know that you just have one more to do. And it could be 150 more to do, but. That's irrelevant. It's just this one and the next, you
Tali:know what I always thought was so annoying? There would always be one person in the gym when it's like a rounds for time workout, they add up all the reps. Mm-hmm. And I'm like, why would you do that? Why would you want to know? Yeah. How many reps you're gonna be doing total? Like yeah, anything's gonna sound terrible when you think of like 50 pullups. Yeah. But when you think about, you know, five sets, five sets a 10, it's like no biggie. Right. Why would you do that to yourself? And if you do keep it to yourself. I don't wanna know it. Yeah.
Cody:It's better to know those things after the workout.
Tali:Yeah. And you could be really proud of yourself as opposed to going into it being like Exactly.
Cody:Yeah. But I think we do that in life too. That's what I was talking about where I build shit up in my head. Yeah. That I think it's gonna be way worse than it actually is. And then I actually do it and like, why? Why did I build that up? Yeah. And it doesn't seem to matter. It's like a weird rut habit that I've gotten myself into. Cuz I'll do it with all kinds of shit like, You know, ranch projects, or difficult conversations or hanging out at a party?
Tali:Well, so many things. I think you just have to take a lot of the components that you and I talk about in this podcast. Not just this episode, but in the other ones. And they all build off of each other, right. There's just start, be prepared to pivot, try to enjoy it as it's happening. Mm-hmm. what else can fit into something like that? A daunting chore. The sense of accomplishment. Mm-hmm. you're putting reps towards something, not nothing. Yeah. There's five things, that we've, five different episodes that we've had that can all feed into that daunting chore. Yeah. And the just start always has to be first Just start. Yeah. Yeah. Just start and, you know, fine print. Go in with curiosity. Yeah.
Cody:That's great. You're just like are you reading my notes? No. Yeah, you're, you're speaking my language, reading my mind. So, One thing about starting if it's hard to start is you just mentioned going in with curiosity. Yeah. And I wrote down here like, treat things like an experiment. You know, instead of putting so much weight on your success at something, try not to put so much value on whether you succeed or not. And look at this as an experiment. I'm gonna learn something by taking this action. So whether that's a business or approaching a potential date or you know, like whatever it is. Like it's an experiment. You're, yeah, it probably sucks if you walk up to somebody and ask for a date and they turn you down, but you might learn something like, maybe go into it. Or maybe that's one
Tali:of those times where you don't get data sometimes you
Cody:get data. Yeah. And that's frustrating, but look at it as an experiment or, or a new approach. Yeah. Or in the case of like the dating analogy, you're just playing the numbers, right? It's like, well, I, I don't want to get rejected, but if she rejects me, then I will do this like 10 more times and I'm probably not gonna get rejected 10 times in a row. Right. Hopefully
Tali:that is in the hopes that all the other variables stay consistent. So your optimism and enthusiasm, you're gonna have to keep that
Cody:up, Yeah, exactly. Yeah. But I guess my point is, is that we can put a lot of stock into our successor failure at something before we even start or try. And I think it's Yes, wild. It's silly. Like I, we can just kind of go in and with a sense of wonder, and that might app that might help us approach it with a little more action bias rather than too much planning if we're not so wrapped up on whether it's gonna succeed or fail.
Tali:You know, I can tell when I'm not operating optimally, when I find myself turning down doing new things. When I'm really like feeling myself, like I'm up for anything. And my lack of willingness to experiment or try or push myself, like I know when that's happening. I can feel it. I'm like, okay, something's wrong. Mm-hmm.
Cody:gotta work on it. Yeah. I love that about you. I love that you recognize that in yourself, that you, you have a certain ideal for the person you want to be and you are in touch with whether you're living that out or not. And then you take action to change it when you recognize it. Mm-hmm. I try. It's very admirable. Thank you. So one of my other approaches besides treating things as an experiment to get started is just to set the bar super fucking low. Yes. I kind of make the joke and I don't know if anybody's actually got the joke, but it's like, you set? We'll see, you set the bar so low that you practically trip over it. So who doesn't get that joke? Well, I don't know. I, when I say it, people are like, Uhhuh, So that's so cute. But I, I just think that as someone who's kind of an idealistic person and I'm always striving to improve and, you know, have great visions for my life, it's easy to want to say, oh, I'm gonna write a book, therefore I'm gonna sit down for three hours every day, blah. And it's like, Hmm. 10 minutes. Maybe 10 minutes is better. Like, start with 10 minutes of writing every day because you, it's harder to make an excuse for that. Can I ask for
Tali:a favor? Yeah. Can we make some visuals to go with some of these concepts in cartoon forms, since you are the cartoonist of the two of us? Sure. Make a, make a note. Okay. Because do you, you know, that cartoonist that you and I both follow on Instagram, who makes all those really funny. kind of dry humor jokes. Yeah, I think that that would be such a good one. Somebody t chipping over like set the bar low
Cody:Love it. So yeah, just a couple strategies that I've developed for myself because I used to be a massive procrastinator and same, I would I would use goal setting as an excuse basically because you get like a little endorphin hit when you set a goal and then you start talking about it with people and you start making plans and all that stuff's. Releases like the chemicals in your brain that make you think you're doing something and you ain't done shit.
Tali:Well, that's how I feel about our business sometimes right now. I've had a really challenging few weeks working more at my day job than usual, and we had been out of town one weekend and then I didn't sleep for like a week straight normally. And so I didn't work out. There was just so many things compiling on one another that just made me not very effective in a lot of areas. And so I've had a hard time talking about our business in the last week cuz I feel like I have not touched it. And so that's why this weekend has been so important for me to reengage. Mm-hmm.
Cody:Yeah. Yeah. But that's, that's the whole point though, is like re-engaging
Tali:right? But also being okay to admit that to myself, that no, I haven't been working on the business as much as I'd like or as much as I. I don't wanna say should, I don't wanna should on myself, but it's kind of like having that same like humble quality to just be like, yeah, you haven't been working on the business. And I know that I feel badly about it. Mm-hmm. and I'm not trying to rub my nose in it, but I also don't wanna romanticize it and like keep pitching it in this flowery way to other people. Mm-hmm. Yeah. When I'm actually feeling like really out of touch. And I think that that's a good quality too, like leaning in the other direction and always complaining about things. Also not really nice to be around, but we've also talked about kind of all this all bark and no bite kind of thing where it can also be really disenchanting when it feels like people are just kind of blowing hot air up your ass without really anything to back it up. And I really don't wanna be one of those kind of people. And I, I feel myself leaning into that camp sometimes when I find myself in these situations like, not, not getting anything done, but making changes. Yeah. To have that not be a trend anymore.
Cody:Yeah. Yeah. And that's the thing that not to sound like I'm justifying anything, but I think sometimes activities that we're taking outside the business are still for the business. You know, like you are working your day job, for instance. I mean, that's allowing us to. Pay some bills while we're in this initial launch phase of the business where we can't expect to be profitable. Yeah. And so in a way, you are working on the business in that way.
Tali:I know, I, I can understand that too, but I also miss you and wanna do it with you. Absolutely. And I've also had to be realistic with myself. Like I'm gonna have to let go of some creative control because I know it's important for you to make decisions and keep this moving. Yeah. I can't
Cody:wait for you to get off work to take any action. Well, let's get to it. I'm ready. Okay. We're gonna have a business meeting right after this, folks. Woo. So the last thing on my notes is imposter syndrome. And I liked what you just said, Dory said, we'll give her credit. Fake it till you feel it. Uhhuh. I like that because that's kind of what really, it's not about making it or not, it's about, because imposter syndrome is feeling like you're not qualified for whatever it is you're trying to do. And it you cannot. Change that without action. You just can't, you can't feel qualified by doing more research and more planning and more goal setting or talking to people about it. Like we were just talking about. It only, only action will change that, but it can change it really fast. Like sometimes a very small action towards something helps you feel more qualified to be able to take it on.
Tali:Yeah. So, man, I just always think of my mom when imposter syndrome comes up. She's an incredibly accomplished woman in her field. She's in hospital administration, or I should say healthcare administration. She's been out of hospitals for a little while, but she, I remember her telling me about feeling imposter syndrome when she was asked to speak at Harvard, fucking Harvard and she's like, I so don't belong here like this. This must be a mistake. And. I, I know you've seen her speak like at my sister's wedding. Mm-hmm. like her speech was so great. Yep. And hilarious. But I've also seen her speak in front of a classroom. She came to speak at my school when I was taking systems dynamics, or I forget exactly what it was called in college. She's fucking brilliant. Mm-hmm. she's super compelling and super smart and really funny and really cute. So she's just the ideal public speaker. And I just find it so odd that someone who is so brilliant and so up there to me feels that too, like, yeah. Wow. It just makes me also. Love her more that I know that she experiences things that we all do. Yeah. Cause it's easy to think that people are otherworldly or superhuman or something. Mm-hmm. And I think that that also can play into, when I said you have to meet others where they're at. You know, I have to still love her and have compassion for her as someone who might not see herself on the way that I see her. Yeah. You know? Yeah.
Cody:I'd be curious to know from her, kinda wish she was here for us to ask about how she felt after afterward. Like, I know that she experienced imposter syndrome. I re, I remember. When she said that, I wasn't there for it. But she met you outside of our apartment. You guys went on a little daughter. Yes. How do you remember that daughter date? Yeah. Yes. You two went out. Uhhuh And then I remember you telling me that she had said that, but I wonder how she felt after the speech. Like what I was just talking about. Yeah. I guess it was ahead of time. Yeah. Where you take action and that changes things dramatically. So I wonder, I'm, I would imagine that once she started talking on stage that a lot of those types of feelings dissipated. That would be my assumption, but I'd be great to get her perspective on
Tali:that. I would love for her to be on this show. Yeah, me too. All the
Cody:time. Okay. Okay. Mara, you've, you've officially been invited, so, yeah. All right. We're, we're expecting it. Yay. Do you have any other
Tali:notes? No. We went through all of
Cody:my notes. I feel like I've been pushing down my list here. Great. Well, I guess we'll wrap this up. There's probably infinite things to talk about on this because if we're really talking about action and taking action and developing an action biased and everything that can do for you, I don't, I think we barely scratched the surface cause Well I think that's, there's some some big stuff I'd like to add to this, but I think more specifically in just starting where you are and not trying to over prepare and just having an action bias. You know, you can't steer a parked car. I've used that analogy many times, but it sure is app appli applicable just to get moving.
Tali:Well, and I think this is also a fun opportunity for us to start to bring in questions and to come up with action steps for folks. Cuz I think sometimes when you're in it, it's very hard to see what the next step is. Yeah. Realistically. So we're creating some practice around you know, facing where you're at cuz that can be kind of scary. It's essentially like looking into a mirror and. Being honest with yourself, which is not an easy thing to do. Yeah.
Cody:Yeah. I think is a really valuable point that you bring up though, is that starting where you are means being realistic with where you're at. Like you have to be real, you have to acknowledge the truth, be honest
Tali:about it. And it takes a few times, like thinking about what I was saying about our business I can tell that I'm still trying to bend it with certain language. So it sounds like I'm still engaged with it, but I just have to be honest, like I have not done anything other than watch module videos in a week. Yeah. And that's about it. Yeah. But that changes
Cody:today. It does. So, Look at that. Yeah. Take an action. Mm-hmm. All right. I love you. I love you too, honey. We'll see you all next week.
Tali:This episode was produced by Tali Zari and Cody Limbaugh. Check out our writing coaching services and homesteading adventures at live all your life.com. For show notes, resources mentioned, or to submit a question or contribution, click on the podcast tab.
