027 Make Self-Discipline Easier With This One Practice: The Philosophy Of Fitness #17

We give a vulnerable look into our marriage and the intentional practices that we feel have made our relationship so exceptionally successful. Thriving takes intention. We explore making self-discipline easier through gratitude, developing a sense of wonder, and regular practices to build an intentional, thriving life. 

00:00 Intro

00:44 Icebreaker: Memorable Travel Experience

11:52 Today's Topic : Have To - or - Get To? It's a mindset, your gratitude today can change your future

21:21 The Resistance - Steven Pressfield Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles

24:38 Reduce friction by practicing shipping imperfect work: My book for instance! 

26:28 The up-side to being a has-been

29:01 Pursuing growth while also letting go of your attachment to specific outcomes

30:32 Some photos of the beauty that surrounds us

31:20 Using Gratitude preemptively to set the tone

36:59 Develop a sense of wonder to build the life you want regardless of the inevitable unknown twists in an unknowable future

41:15 Our weekly 5 Touchpoints for our relationship: 1) What I love about you. 2) Thank you for... 3) What I'm challenged by. 4) A small ask. 5) What's going well in our relationship?

50:27 White Men Can't Jump : Classic breakdown in communication

01:04:21 Resentment is often a byproduct of us not communicating our needs honestly and timely, we have an agreement of radical honesty (which we define as honesty + forthrightness) and bringing things up ASAP

01:08:26 Venting can be harmful and used as an excuse to degrade or gossip. Another practice that we feel adds value to our relationship, is that we edify each other to other people.

01:12:57 Gratitude to yourself

01:17:36 Strong is the new skinny. How acknowledging your own abilities can bolster your self-image

01:25:05 The gratitude loop

01:25:50 A potential dark side to gratitude: Radical Confidence: 10 No-BS Lessons on Becoming the Hero of Your Own Life by Lisa Bilyeu (Tom Bilyeu's podcast can be found here)

1:27:29 Being grateful for your struggles and the growth they bring, can help foster bravery to get out there and try again

01:32:35 The life-changing power of developing gratitude for small things

01:37:14 Gratitude reduces your need for self-discipline. The practice makes it easier to do the things you want to do

01:39:23 Bring that language into your relationships and watch your world change!

01:41:42 Don't ignore negative aspects of life, but you can take ownership of your response to them, look for growth opportunities and reasons for gratitude in the face of adversities, how can this be good for me? How can this serve me?

01:44:42 Takeaways: Thank someone in your life. Remind yourself that you GET to do hard things to improve. 

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 PhofFit Ep 17 Reframing Your Mind To Make Self-Discipline Easier

PhofFit Ep 17 Reframing Your Mind To Make Self-Discipline Easier

[00:00:00] Cody: Hi, this is Cody Limbaugh. And 

[00:00:17] Tali: I'm Tali Zabari, and you're listening to the Philosophy of Fitness podcast on the 

[00:00:23] Cody: LY Network.

[00:00:45] Cody: My turn for an icebreaker. Excellent. Cool. Share one of your most, you know, cuz I hate the word favorite, one of your most memorable travel experiences. 

[00:00:57] Tali: Okay, well something popped into my mind [00:01:00] immediately. Great. . It's a little bit embarrassing, but so that's better . Yeah. So when I was a kid and into adulthood too, I spent every summer in Israel.

[00:01:10] Tali: That's where my dad's family is from. I have a lot of family over there. And one of the fun things that we would do during the summer, you know, we'd be staying at families' houses through the whole time, but there's kind of like a resort town in the very southern tip of Israel called a lot.

[00:01:28] Tali: And we'd always go once a summer, stay at these really cool hotels and. , yeah, just like kick it on the beach and like, it was really fun growing up. But there was one time that I went to Israel with my sister, just the two of us, and my Aunt Etti, she was kind of showing us all around Israel and a way that people get around in Israel is like via like Greyhound bus, but they're really fancy.

[00:01:53] Tali: And we went to a lot and oh gosh, how do I, I'm trying to [00:02:00] remember how this went, but I have a tendency to try to seek out a boy like every chance that I get. And there was this guy who was sitting in front of me on the bus who I thought was super cute and. . I must have been like 15 at the time. But regardless, you know, I chatted him up a little bit.

[00:02:23] Tali: We ended up taking shots together. He like had a bottle of booze with him on . How old were you? Like 15. All right. ? Yeah, and my sister and my aunt were there, but I don't think they were like really paying attention to me. We were like sitting in different places. And this bus, for some reason, I don't know if it was outta order or what, but the bathroom was not available.

[00:02:45] Tali: And this is like a six hour bus ride that never stopped, which is weird. You think it would. And so I. Like losing my mind you know, pretty well that I have a hard time with like going to the [00:03:00] bathroom in public or holding it until it's way too late. Mm-hmm. , and this is definitely one of those stories where, oh, I had to pull out like all my tricks just to like not pee myself.

[00:03:11] Tali: And my aunt is telling me like, here, use this water bottle. Like you can pee in that. And I'm like, what the hell? Like, there's no way that I could do that with the finesse that it requires to pee into a bottle. You know, I'm like singing in my head and I'm like dancing in my seat. And the boy who's in front of me like turned around.

[00:03:29] Tali: He was like, Hey, you know, like I had a lot of fun with you, but can you stop ? Like he was getting annoyed, but I didn't communicate that. I was like losing my shit and like needed to pee really badly. Of course not. Anyway, by some miracle, I make it to the final destination after six hours of agony. You know, like every bump, everything just like cramps.

[00:03:53] Tali: Oh man, everything hurts. And we get out and it's late at night, so the bus station that we pull into is [00:04:00] actually closed. And so I'm like off of this bus running around like a chicken with my head cut off, like where can I go to the bathroom? Where can I go to the. The whole thing is shut down, but I see like across the street there's a building with a light on and it's some sort of like stop and shop kind of place.

[00:04:16] Tali: And I'm just realizing, you know, we were asked what our most embarrassing moments were. This is one of 'em, I think . Over the weekend we were asked for like a business survey anyway, so I somehow like have enough room in my tank to like run across this bus station across the street over some sort of like fence barrier and like get in there, ask for the key, you know, it's attached to some like ridiculously large piece of something.

[00:04:46] Tali: And then I get to the bathroom and I'm like struggling to close and lock the door. And then I pee my. Oh, . It's really close. Oh. To making it . But there [00:05:00] was something about like the relief of being in there that just, oh, so he called my cousin and he came to pick us up and brought me new clothes. So sad.

[00:05:09] Tali: I know. . And you'd think I'd learn from that time to like, you know, if I get just like the slightest feeling of needing to go to the bathroom or just like, as a precautionary measure. Right. But not really. Not really . Anyway, that's my travel story. What about yours, ? This is a great 

[00:05:28] Cody: icebreaker.

[00:05:28] Cody: Really hilariously, my story is somewhat similar or parallel really? Yeah. Parallel teams. Okay. Okay. So traveled to Mexico, spent a few weeks with some really close friends and got to share a condo with one of my closest friends ever, Kyron, and we were in Acapulco, and so had a great time.

[00:05:52] Cody: And then afterwards I had planned on going to Port de Valarta by myself for a week before I had, before I headed [00:06:00] home. And the only reason I give that context is because I, I get a little cocky sometimes when I'm around Kyron because he speaks Spanish so well, that the locals kind of like look at him in shock.

[00:06:12] Cody: Like, where, where did you learn to speak Spanish? Because you, it's like, you don't even have an accent. It's crazy. So he's really, really fluent. And I get a little overly confident because sometimes I'll understand words and I know a few. And then when I'm with him, he fills in all the gaps. And so when I wasn't with him for the last week in Mexico, I was like, oh shit.

[00:06:31] Cody: Like I don't. Know how to get a wor around on my own. Very well . And so what ended up happening is I was thinking I was taking the bus from the Mala, which is the boardwalk to my condo that I was staying in. And I wasn't, I was taking some other bus that goes up way up into the neighborhoods of Point De Valarta.

[00:06:52] Cody: There are lots of buses there and the way they work is they just kind of right on the window where they go. And so that's official. Yeah. Well it's cool cuz you can just [00:07:00] say like, Walmart and these kind of things and then, you know, based on land landmarks, like where those buse is going, it's pretty cool.

[00:07:06] Cody: But Okay. Unfortunately this one, the, the buses were like starting to slow down at that time of day and I just got one that I thought was going the right direction cuz that's what you do in like Portland. It's, if it's going the right direction, you're 

[00:07:18] Tali: probably okay. Right. You'll pass by. 

[00:07:19] Cody: Not the case.

[00:07:21] Cody: So this one. Toward downtown for a few blocks, and then it went way up in the hills into this like old neighborhoods where just like only the locals are. And I was like, okay, well adventure time, you know, this is fun. . And I sell bus alone in Mexico. Yikes. I, yeah, I sit on the bus. I sit on the bus. And unlike most of the rest of like the tourist environment in Porto Valarta, I call Pothe Valarta a little Canada because there's just, it's full of Canadians.

[00:07:51] Cody: Mm-hmm. that vacation there or, or seasonal. So again, I was a little spoiled by the fact that most people downtown speak English, but nobody on this [00:08:00] bus spoke English. And so. After a few minutes, well, maybe an hour or so, I realized that not only am I terribly lost, way up in the high hills, away from the beach in the downtown area, but I'm also the only person on the bus.

[00:08:16] Cody: Oh shit. I'm the last one. And then they park the bus in a field with a bunch of other buses and he's like, I'm done for the day. And , you go walk your ass home. Yeah. And but there was no English presented there, so I was just like, mm. Okay. I guess I'm just gonna walk for a while and then I'll figure out a way to, you know, get a taxi here or something.

[00:08:40] Cody: I, if you just go downhill, I'll end up back there eventually. Sure. So really beautiful memory because it was really an awesome experience at first. . I'm walking through these neighborhoods and people are, it's just a beautiful community. Like there are neighbors who are barbecuing and the way they do it is like they stack bricks in the [00:09:00] middle of the road cuz it's like dirt roads.

[00:09:01] Cody: Okay. And they stack bricks and light a fire and they barbecue in the middle of the street. And it's like two or three families just sharing a barbecue. Like want a sweet, everyone brings their own food and then, you know, kids are playing in the neighborhoods and it's just a beautiful experience to see.

[00:09:16] Cody: And there was one like kids' choir playing in a park. Oh my gosh. And they were singing and all the parents were there. And then after that I walked through a cemetery that was just incredibly beautiful because there's a lot of like big Catholic sculptures mm-hmm. and things like that in the cemetery.

[00:09:33] Cody: And you could see port Valarta, like from a bird's eye view, like looking down on it and like, it was just this great experience. And then I started getting a little bit of a stomach ache. Oh yeah. And the sun is starting to go down and I'm in neighborhoods. I don't know where I am and I'm thinking, well, this isn't ideal, but you know, I'm Okay.

[00:09:55] Cody: Well, the further I walk, and the later it gets, the more that stomach ache turns into [00:10:00] like the type of cramps where you're starting to sweat because it hurts so bad. 

[00:10:03] Tali: There are a lot of parallels in that story. Yeah. The bus, the, 

[00:10:08] Cody: the, the pressure . And so it turns out I had food poisoning mm-hmm. and it was just starting to like really set in.

[00:10:16] Cody: And I finally get to a, a lower neighborhood down the hill that has an Oxo, which is like their version of our seven-eleven. Okay. And so I'm like, okay, so I can get maybe some stomach pills and, and, and there's taxis there, but because these taxis are in more residential neighborhoods, they don't speak English like they do down in the tourist areas.

[00:10:38] Cody: So I'm having a hard time. I'm trying to figure out like how to communicate where I need to go. I just kept saying the name of the building, hours of fun, and then they would have conversations about if they knew where that was. And it took like five different cabs. They were really trying to help me, but they couldn't understand me.

[00:10:56] Cody: I couldn't understand them, right. And so I could tell they were being really kind and like trying [00:11:00] to help me, but it took a bunch of conversing and meanwhile I'm just like suffering and trying not to act like I'm dying. Oh my god. And yeah, so eventually I did make it back in time. I didn't have any like disgusting accidents, but then I spent like the next couple hours in the bathroom just like everything happening all at once.

[00:11:21] Cody: You know, food poisoning, how I can be pretty intense. But funny thing at the end of the story after I'm like, feel like I'm about to die for a couple of hours, it just passed and I felt really good and suddenly energized. And so like I took a shower and got dressed and I went out on the town again. . Oh my gosh.

[00:11:41] Cody: You bounced straight back, honey. Yeah. Quite an experience. So yeah, I guess that's our gross. Story introduction to today's 

[00:11:48] Tali: podcast. Yeah. But it's really funny that we both had very similar stories. 

[00:11:52] Cody: So you want to introduce the topic of the day? 

[00:11:55] Tali: Sure. Have to, or get to, it's a mindset, a matter of [00:12:00] gratitude and saying the words out loud and what immediately comes to mind with this title.

[00:12:07] Tali: I'm kind of air quoting as I'm saying it just because it's not super distilled, but it makes me think about how often when it comes to fitness or other things in our lives that we want in terms of like doing right by ourselves. They can feel like a chore, and it's very easy to get into this mindset of like, oh, this is something I have to do.

[00:12:30] Tali: Mm-hmm. , wmp, wmp. Like not really looking at it in a way of like, wow, this is an amazing opportunity. Wow. I'm so lucky I get to do this. Mm-hmm. . Wow. This is only gonna benefit me. Yeah. So at least that's what it meant to me. Did you have any other interpretations? 

[00:12:49] Cody: No, we're on the same page. This is being the philosophy of fitness.

[00:12:53] Cody: Usually the lessons were sort of taking. From actual gym experience [00:13:00] or, or fitness concepts, and then seeing how we can apply that to other areas of our lives. It's almost the reverse. And this one is a little bit reverse. Yeah. Because I think that this is a concept that helps, or that I've tried to teach people to help them have a different mindset around going to the gym, because I've worked with so many reluctant clients.

[00:13:18] Cody: Mm-hmm. , they pay me money to do personal training or something like that. They're laying out a big investment hoping that that will help them be more disciplined. But their mindset is they hate it. They hate being at the gym, they hate working out. It's something that I want to do. It's hard to get there, la da da.

[00:13:33] Cody: And even though they feel great when they leave, that's a consistent theme is that everyone feels great when they finish working out. But no matter how, it's a weird thing because you would think that that intrinsic reward would be enough to make you want to do it the next day, but, It doesn't work that way for some 

[00:13:52] Tali: reason, you know?

[00:13:53] Tali: No, it wears off entirely. It's like, 

[00:13:55] Cody: yeah. It wears off an all memory loss. Yeah. And all you can think of is how terrible it feels to [00:14:00] start when you're cold and tired and you don't want to do it. And that, yeah. That just sets in over and over and over again. So I've tried to use this technique in the fitness world to try to bolster people up a little bit and be able to be more consistent.

[00:14:16] Cody: And it's kind of funny because there's a, there's an old saying, and it's kind of probably from my generation, you know, an eighties kid. It was really common for a few decades for parents to be like, finish your vegetables, you know, they're starving people in Ethiopia, you know, and that kind of thing. Yeah, I got that too.

[00:14:34] Cody: Yeah. And it's, it. It'd always kind of made me laugh cuz even at a young age as a kid, I'm like, well if I don't finish these, that doesn't change anything in Ethiopia. Like, what are you trying to communicate to me? Because me eating this broccoli or not does not change what's happening halfway around the world.

[00:14:52] Cody: And, but this seems like a similar concept. Like I try to teach people like be grateful that you [00:15:00] have a body that can do what you're doing. Yes. Be grateful that you have a gym, have a coach, have access to those things. There are many people in the world who do not have access to no information or guidance or coaching or tools or they suffer from a disease or disability that they have to overcome that challenge just to be able to, you know, attempt to get healthier.

[00:15:24] Cody: Whereas all you have to do is show up, you know? Yeah. And. It's not that I'm trying to play a guilt trip, like the Ethiopia thing from your parents, but I do think there is value in just having a mindset of like, you know, I really am grateful that I can do this cuz there's so many people who can't.

[00:15:41] Cody: And with this particular mode mowed. Speaking of the fitness aspect of it, if you practice that gratitude and that helps you get into the gym, then that perpetuates your ability to continue to do it in the future. Absolutely. [00:16:00] Whereas if you squander that opportunity, you might end up being one of those people who has to overcome disease and dysfunction and disability because you allowed that to come into your life because you weren't getting into the gym.

[00:16:14] Cody: So it's kind of like a, like that gratitude actually really makes a difference to your future ability to do what you have the opportunity to do now. . 

[00:16:25] Tali: Yeah. So don't squander it. Yeah. It's definitely something that I think has a lot of long-term effects in terms of what you can accomplish, what you can see for yourself, how you celebrate your performance, your wins, all of those things.

[00:16:38] Tali: If you're going into it with the attitude of like kicking and screaming mm-hmm. , you're almost setting yourself up to not get very much out of it. It's interesting though because I was just thinking about how I am often like kicking and screaming to like social events. Mm-hmm. or like family functions and I just, I really dig my [00:17:00] heels in and I assume the worst and play it out in my head, you know, worst case scenario.

[00:17:06] Tali: And then a lot of times I find myself like really energized after Yeah. And pleasantly surprised and. That's so funny because I don't do that with the gym. I go knowing it's gonna be good for me, you know, all the time when you and I are trying to like get the gumption to get up off the couch and like go to the gym downstairs.

[00:17:26] Tali: I, we often say like, we know we'll feel better after. Yeah. I don't really use that when it comes to like those family functions. Mm-hmm. or social events. I kind of just set the bar really effing low, and then allow myself to be surprised with how fulfilling it was or fun it was. Mm-hmm. . So I guess that's one way that the gym could, you know, the dynamic could be kind of set right again.

[00:17:50] Tali: Yeah. Using that experience in the gym back to real. Sort 

[00:17:55] Cody: of stuff. Yeah, no, that's interesting. That's an interesting parallel [00:18:00] cuz I've seen that in you like since I met you. Duh, . Well, it's kind of funny because you and I have so many things in common. That's one reason we click so easily all the time.

[00:18:09] Cody: But that's one area where we sort of differ a little. Cuz you're more extroverted than I am. And so you are energized by that. I get the dread and then the dread. Like there's reason for it. Cuz it 

[00:18:22] Tali: takes a lot of Are you saying mine is 

[00:18:23] Cody: not valid? No, I'm not saying it's not valid at all. I'm just saying we have different, when I first met you, I thought, oh, fi I, I met someone who's like on the same page as me.

[00:18:31] Cody: This is so great. But then I, after getting to know you, realized, no, actually, she really loves these social interactions. , she just bitches about it like I do beforehand, but then she ends up loving it, and, and and I, I don't, I'm not saying that I hate it, it's just it does, it doesn't energize me. It takes energy for me to engage in social interactions.

[00:18:52] Tali: It does for me too. Yeah. I just, like I said, I feel like I set myself up for the absolute worst mm-hmm. . And so anything slightly [00:19:00] better feels fucking awesome. Yeah. However, just like we were talking about with folks in the gym, that wears off really quickly and I find myself like repeating the whole cycle all over again when Thanksgiving rolls around and then Passover rolls around.

[00:19:15] Tali: Like I have a really incredible family. I am incredibly lucky to be related to a lot of really cool, accepting, fun people. Yeah. There are a lot of valid reasons that I get. This sort of sense of dread or anxiety. But it doesn't have anything to do with them. It's all my stuff for sure. Mm-hmm. and I definitely can take ownership of that.

[00:19:40] Tali: I just totally stand in my own way a lot of the times. Mm-hmm. in terms of like experiencing it fully. And a lot of it is having that attitude, like if I walked into those family events, like I am so lucky I have a family that I get to do this with. Like how [00:20:00] Yeah. How fortunate am I? Mm-hmm. . And it's just easy to forget to do that.

[00:20:04] Cody: It is. And I guess one thing that we could take up from the, the pandemic shutdowns is, Hopefully we can come into a sense of gratitude for our ability to connect with people again, because that was literally physically forcibly stopped for us for a while. Yeah. And it was it was stopped in a way where you didn't know and maybe still don't know, like when, when does it end?

[00:20:35] Cody: Like there's no set date of like, okay, July 15th, blah, blah, blah. You know, everything's gonna open up again and everything's gonna, everything are still weird. And it's still weird all this time later. It's like this weird, gradual rough road that everyone's on to try to figure out what they're allowed to do, quote unquote.

[00:20:52] Cody: And it's I, but I think that to put a positive spin on that, you know, we could use that as a tool of gratitude for like, [00:21:00] you know, your sister's wedding that we went to this summer. It was. , you know, barring the fact that you and I got sick , but speaking of Covid . But, 

[00:21:09] Cody: but yeah. But before that happened it was such a, it was so great to finally connect with your family cuz you are, you do have an awesome family and it was just so, so nice to be there.

[00:21:20] Cody: Where, where I struggle with this, with this whole, like I get to versus I have to is with, and this is such a weird thing things that I want to do but then have resistance for. So it's very much like the war of art from Stephen Presfield where he talks about the resistance, where you want to be a writer, but then you just resist sitting down and actually doing it consistently.

[00:21:47] Cody: And for me it's drawing. I have always absolutely loved the art world and being an artist and drawing and sometimes surprising myself with the results that can come out of. [00:22:00] my drawing. That's so cool. And it's like, It's the one place in my life. I think I've entered a flow state more than any other I've talked about it in a previous podcast, but what's weird is I have all those positive associations that I just described, and yet I am so fucking resistant to just get out up.

[00:22:18] Cody: Pencil and paper and draw. I don't know what it is, 

[00:22:22] Tali: but, but that's because you're looking at the wrong end of the stick, if you will. Like, you are looking at that starting and how daunting it is and mm-hmm. , all these things that you have to have like just right to set it up and all the time and, you know, you're kind of building up all of this reasoning for it to be daunting to you.

[00:22:42] Tali: Whereas I think if you enter these situations of like, wow, how lucky am I that I have the time in the day, or how lucky am I that I have all the supplies that I need or mm-hmm. , how lucky am I that my wife like, wants to sit for me and I can try . It's such a beautiful 

[00:22:55] Cody: muse. Thank you. Yes. 

[00:22:57] Tali: Hey. But don't you think that that could [00:23:00] really change that friction of beginning, like, we're always talking about starting and stopping and how challenging it is to start practices over and how do we know when to quit them?

[00:23:11] Tali: Mm-hmm. , you know, that's a very much like an obsession of ours to figure out you know, how to operate optimally and how to. Make the best use of our time, . And I just think that this could be a really valuable practice walking into those situations with gratitude first as opposed to after the fact.

[00:23:33] Tali: Yeah, absolutely. Gratitude often is like a, I think uses like a reflective tool mm-hmm. Of like mm-hmm. , what I am gra gra grateful for, that's already happened. Mm-hmm. , but maybe if you flip it on its head and enter in saying what you're grateful for, you're kind of like equipping yourself with the right stuff.

[00:23:51] Tali: Yeah. To do a great job or to enjoy it more. 

[00:23:54] Cody: Yeah. Well that's why I bring it up because I just like your social situation. I think I can apply this [00:24:00] concept to my drawing and just be like, I'm grateful that I have all the tools and the past experience to at least kind of know how to approach it and, you know, there's a lot of things I could be grateful for in entering it.

[00:24:12] Cody: So yeah. It's something I'm gonna give a shot. The odd thing to me though, is just the, what we were talking about, like with the fitness analogy of almost universally people leave the gym feeling better than when they got there. So you would think that that reward system would make it so that people wanted to go to the gym more, and it just doesn't seem to have that effect.

[00:24:38] Cody: And it's the same with drawing. Like I, one of my parts of resistance for this, which is really another weird thing to me, is that when you switch domains, you have certain mindsets and growth, personal growth and concepts that can apply universally, like we're attempting to do with this podcast. And for me, [00:25:00] I have gotten really comfortable with like shipping imperfect things, you know?

[00:25:04] Cody: Mm-hmm. , like my book that I published is basically a first draft, you know, and I don't want to. People to be prevented from reading it after I say that, but, but basically I didn't do the whole like, oh, write something that's terrible and then spend two years in the editing process making it great. I didn't do that.

[00:25:21] Cody: I literally just kind of vomited it out on, onto the sheets, cleaned up any, you know, syntax errors and shipped it. And I was okay with that because I'm like, well, this is my first book, so my only quote unquote goal for the book was to publish a book. Yeah. Like just to learn the process of doing it. And so I've become really comfortable with imperfection in my life, but for some reason, drawing is a little different because I used to be at a level where I was proud to show people.[00:26:00]

[00:26:00] Cody: Could create. And now because of my lack of practice over years and years and years, I pick it up and it's like my hand doesn't know what the hell my brain's trying to do. Yeah. And that level of friction there makes it really tough to want to do it, even though in almost all the other areas of my life I know that you gotta start crappy and then the, it's the practice of the, the crappy mode that makes you 

[00:26:27] Tali: better.

[00:26:28] Tali: Right. Well, I'm gonna imagine that this is another chapter or another episode that we've lined out because you and I are both like quote unquote has bins something. Yeah. You as an artist, me as a weightlifter, you know, I'm still lifting now, but I've also had to really humble myself and be okay with where I'm at now.

[00:26:54] Tali: And you know, not every day is. , you know, coming from [00:27:00] such a, an evolved place. But I still love to do it. Yeah. And I still love that feeling of challenge. I just have to be aware and acknowledge that my area of challenge is at a much more shallow threshold than it used to be. That's a good point. But it's challenged nonetheless.

[00:27:20] Tali: Yeah. But I also have a strong belief that, you know, going about it a second or a third time around mm-hmm. , you know, you pick things up back easier. I'm not having to like, relearn things that I've already learned. Those are things that I still have with me. Yeah. I can, I know how to correct my lifts when certain things are going wrong.

[00:27:39] Tali: I, you know, all those things that you were pointing at my lifts earlier, like the leaning forward, the rocking off the floor, like those are all things that I, those are old pitfalls for me, but I know how to fix them now. Yeah. It used to take. days, weeks, hours, months, you know, to figure out like what was going wrong there.

[00:27:59] Tali: [00:28:00] And now I know the corrective ex exercises, I know the right cues to think about. Mm-hmm. . So we definitely have a lot more going for us. But I think having that gratitude at the beginning kind of allows you to like, bring it back to where you're at. Mm-hmm. . And to be okay with like, whatever comes of it, you are diminishing not having expectations for yourself.

[00:28:24] Tali: It's like taking the focus out entirely. And we talk about that all the time. That it's not about the destination, not getting attached to outcomes and you know, it's easy to just say that, but we don't really teach people how to do that. Mm-hmm. a lot of times I think it comes off as like you just have to put it out of your mind.

[00:28:42] Tali: Yeah. Which, , you know, it doesn't always work if you're told not to think about something. It usually has the inverse effect. Oh yeah. But this might be an actual real tool. Like this is kind of what I'm hoping the podcast will do, is that you and I will actually come up with techniques to steer people in the direction that we are [00:29:00] talking about.

[00:29:01] Cody: Yeah. Well we've, I think, put a big dent in that on, in episode one we talked about developing practices to, to make change in your life versus setting time-bound goals, which is also the theme of my book. And I think that whole concept for me, that's the whole point that I'm trying to get across is like this, you know, the Buddha said that all suffering is a result of our attachment to specific outcomes.

[00:29:30] Cody: I mean, that's kind of where suffering comes from, is that we have an expectation and then it's not met and then we suffer. And so You know, what I was trying to communicate in the book is like you can still have desires, you can still have a vision for your future that's different from where you are at currently.

[00:29:49] Cody: You can still pursue growth, personal growth, financial growth, relationship, like you can still pursue improvement, but [00:30:00] also stay curious and open to all the random variables that life has to throw at you that you cannot know in advance 

[00:30:09] Tali: and so, or that you might not even have control over, right at all.

[00:30:12] Tali: Right? Like we are always talking about things that are within our control in terms of our practices and, you know, knowing exactly what those steps are so that we can get as close to where we wanna go as possible. But I think this also transcends into areas that are out of our. Oh yeah. Yeah. I've actually, I had a thought about what you and I were talking about today on the way home.

[00:30:32] Tali: You know, we live in a really incredibly beautiful place and we just had our first snow of the season overnight, and Cody and I live up in the mountains where they've actually been bare for months, which is unusual for my experience being here. Usually it's like three weeks that they're totally bare, and now that they've got snow on them, it's just incredibly captivating and they're just picturesque and majestic.

[00:30:57] Tali: And 

[00:30:58] Cody: I'll post some photos in the show notes. Yeah, [00:31:00] that'd be great. So everyone check out the show notes too. Yeah. 

[00:31:01] Tali: And you know, I was telling Cody, kind of lamenting in a way that, you know, every time I look up at the mountains and think about how beautiful they are and how much I love them, that it makes me really insecure about how long we get to live here and.

[00:31:20] Tali: For those of you who don't know, you know, Cody and I live on his family's property. We don't have really any ownership of anything. We've definitely invested a lot of our money, time, sweat, tears, everything. But other than sweat equity, we don't really have a lot of say in the future. And there's a lot of what should I say, family dynamics,

[00:31:42] Tali: Yeah. There are a lot of family dynamics that are making it really hard to get clarity on like where this is going. Yeah. And we've been fortunate enough to have been here three years and for the situation to be pretty much the same. But I get a lot of anxiety sometimes about getting attached to this place or putting a [00:32:00] lot of money into this place and then like one day being like, sorry, it's over.

[00:32:03] Tali: Or, you know, I feel like there are a lot of possible outcomes and that's a really like hard place for me to be, not only because I don't. Wanna be pessimistic. I don't wanna feed into like those family dynamics that are unfavorable and you know, I know it's a stressful situation for you, so I don't really care to pile on to that.

[00:32:26] Tali: This has got to be a lot harder for you than it is for me because I've only lived here three years. Your family has lived here since the forties. Like you have deep and special roots here. Mm-hmm. . And one thing that I do a lot to just kind of like shut that voice down is, you know, other than just like waiting to see what happens is like, I'm stupid grateful for the three years that we have had here.

[00:32:52] Tali: Mm-hmm. , I'm grateful that I even know about this place. , I've lived in Oregon for most of my life. Never knew this county [00:33:00] existed. Didn't believe it was a real place when he had showed me pictures of it, , you know, it was just so incredibly beautiful. And I just feel like. gratitude can be a preemptive practice too.

[00:33:15] Tali: Oh yeah. And really just setting the stage for how you wanna feel about things as opposed to just having to like, cover up pain looking back or mm-hmm. foraging a new path after looking back. I just think it has a lot of potential as a, as a precursor. Yeah. 

[00:33:33] Cody: That's the first thing I try to start every morning with, is to sit down and it, it sounds kind of cliche, woowoo silly, whatever, but do it to sit down with a, a gratitude, a a paragraph of, of gratitude in my journal every morning when I first get up.

[00:33:48] Cody: And I think it just kind of helps get your mind right, because it's very difficult to be frustrated, [00:34:00] angry. Anxiety ridden, whatever it is, it's really difficult to do that and feel gratitude at the same time. And so starting preemptively, like you said, with gratitude, even before something happens mm-hmm.

[00:34:15] Cody: but just like, I'm grateful for this opportunity. I'm grateful for my ability to, to pursue this or to 

[00:34:22] Tali: have even known about it or, yeah. And 

[00:34:23] Cody: Something starting with that preemptively, I think really helps get your mind right. For sure. Yeah. Especially around taking action, which is kind of what we're talking about as far as the gym analogy is that it sometimes that those kinds of fears and anxieties that you described with, you know, how long we're gonna get to live here on the ranch that can also f freeze you, you know, from taking actions.

[00:34:47] Cody: If, if you felt really secure about our future here, you might be more willing to maybe put in certain. Equity positions, for instance, you know, like buying new fencing and, and doing the work of putting that in. And so 

[00:34:59] Tali: it's [00:35:00] very expensive to live on a ranch y'all. Yeah. Even one that doesn't have cattle

[00:35:04] Tali: Yeah. It's 

[00:35:04] Cody: crazy. Yeah. We basically just are on a tree farm. We have, I was gonna say we have a timber ranch, but yeah, we just invested nearly $1,700 in a chainsaw, so like, it's not a, that's a drop in the bucket, honey. It's not a, not a thing to do this, this kind of work, but I guess my point is that having that gratitude, I think does enable you to to move to, 

[00:35:25] Tali: to move forward.

[00:35:26] Tali: Absolutely. Yeah. So, because it can be totally paralyzing mm-hmm. and not just in a mindset, but like I've told you like point blank before, like, I'm not putting a drop more money into this place until we have some security. Yeah. You know, there would be times where that anxiety would just like totally boil over and it would be like upsetting to me.

[00:35:47] Tali: Mm-hmm. and maddening to me. And I just, I realized that there's so much in this. Situation that's out of my control that, you know, it is my best move to just appreciate every minute of [00:36:00] it. Yeah. Because I do, it's the most gorgeous place. There's so much newness that I get to experience and you know, I feel like I've been dealt like a totally different card in my life.

[00:36:11] Tali: Like how often does that happen? And I just wanna like milk it for all it's worth. And it really shouldn't stop me from trying to experience it fully just because I don't have certainty. That's what fucking life is. Yeah. You don't have certainty about anything and it's not fair to yourself. What was that quote that I had shown you?

[00:36:30] Tali: It was like written on a wall the other day that was like, think about how different your life would be if you weren't like self-conscious or something. There was another thing written on there. Do you remember that? Or shyness too. Oh yeah, it was just like a quick post that I saw, like I wanna scroll through on Facebook or something.

[00:36:50] Tali: Yeah. On 

[00:36:51] Cody: Facebook. Yeah. If you can find that again, send it to me and then I'll link to it in the show notes. Yeah. 

[00:36:54] Tali: It's just, it's just something that holds you back. Yep. It really stops you from like, living fully. [00:37:00] And I think, 

[00:37:01] Cody: well we're by exploring that hardcore, like even in our relationship, like we don't know when we got married our, for anybody who wasn't there.

[00:37:08] Cody: We at our wedding. Yeah. , I mean, most of our listeners right now are like our family, so this may be redundant to them, but our vows were very non-traditional, as was our entire ceremony. Yeah. Our whole wedding. Everything about you and I are not, we don't, we don't like boxes. We don't like to be put into, we don't 

[00:37:27] Tali: like 

[00:37:27] Cody: predictability, we don't like labels, et cetera.

[00:37:30] Cody: And our vowels were. , I think interesting for some of the people who attended that wedding because you and I never said tell death, do we part or anything along those lines of commitment. Really what we, our vows were like to treat each other really, really well and to continue to, to develop as individuals and, and shore each other up in our personal growth.

[00:37:55] Cody: And like our vows were like, let's make this great [00:38:00] and we'll be together as long as it's great. Yes. You know, the basically and we're really, yeah. No, no. Really strings attached. Yeah. We're not legally married, y'all. . 

[00:38:12] Cody: That's mainly cuz I'm an anarchist and I don't think it. Ethical to have to ask the government for permission to be with the person you wanna be with.

[00:38:19] Cody: I think it's ridiculous. So anyway, I'll get off that real quick. 

[00:38:23] Tali: But, but we're also not pigeonholing ourselves to any expectations that didn't resonate with us. Yeah. You know, you and I are both product of divorced parents. Mm-hmm. , you have been divorced yourself before. Let's do it differently. Yeah, 

[00:38:34] Cody: let's do it very differently.

[00:38:36] Cody: And, but the funny thing about that is that anyone who would push back against that and say, well, you're not really married, or you're not really committed to each other, if you didn't make that promise. And it's hilarious to me because it's like, how many people have made that promise and they're divorced?

[00:38:51] Cody: How many people have made that promise and they're fucking miserable in a, in a marriage that it's like a running joke about, oh, the sexless [00:39:00] marriage, or My wife's always gotta be right. Or, yeah, I'm an independent man, but I gotta ask my wife for permission. You know, like these kind of jokes that go around that set a picture for what marriage is like for our many people.

[00:39:12] Cody: And I think it's sad, but. I guess my point is, is that none of us know what the future is like. None of us have security in the future. It's an illusion. If you think you have security in the future, you are lying to yourself. You're just fooling yourself because you know, an asteroid could hit tomorrow.

[00:39:32] Cody: Like we don't fucking know anything about the future. So developing a practice and a mindset of like, I'm going to be grateful for what, for right now. Mm-hmm. and I'm. Going to develop my life toward the direction that I want it to go. Generally speaking, as far as like my personal qualities, the qualities of my relationships, financial security, you know, whatever that is [00:40:00] you can continue to work toward that and embrace a sense of wonder and be like, Hey man, I don't know what our relationship's gonna be like two years from now.

[00:40:07] Cody: I really don't, but I sure love the direction it's going right now. 

Well, 

[00:40:12] Tali: and I think it also forces you to be an active participant too. If you have the illusion that, you know, if you go to school, you will get a job. If you get married, you'll have, you know, emotional and financial security for the rest of your life.

[00:40:29] Tali: Mm-hmm. , that is a recipe for like, set it and forget it, which I would like to. is like well known at this point that it's not, it's bullshit. Yeah. It's like not, that's not a good thing. There's no such thing as a R, like you ought to be an active participant in your life. If you want, if you. Want to get the things that you desire.

[00:40:51] Tali: Yeah. 

[00:40:52] Cody: I've said it before on a previous podcast, but it's just appropriate to remember this, like, you are either prospering or perishing. Mm-hmm. , they're, [00:41:00] yeah. You don't maintain. And so making a vow to somebody and then saying, well, we're married, you know, like, Well, if that's your attitude, you're perishing at that point because you know things are gonna decay if you're not actively an active participant in the prospering 

[00:41:15] Tali: aspect of it.

[00:41:15] Tali: I'm actually really glad that we're talking about relationships and marriage specifically, cuz one of my notes here was the five questions. Oh, great. Yeah. So this is a practice that Cody and I perform every week. There have probably been a couple of weeks where we haven't before. Do you know where this came from?

[00:41:30] Tali: My mom . But beyond that, I don't know. We 

[00:41:34] Cody: should ask her. Cause I'd like to link in the show notes too Totally. As to where this came from because I'll ask her. Whoever came up with it deserves 

[00:41:40] Tali: some credit. Yeah, it's a great practice. A lot of times it takes place on a Sunday, so see you later. Mm-hmm.

[00:41:46] Tali: maybe we can do it on the primary campus right now. Mm-hmm. . But there are five questions that are like a check-in with your partner and it's definitely rooted in gratitude. Well maybe we should just go through them. So the first question [00:42:00] that we ask is, what do I love about you? 

[00:42:03] Cody: go. What do I love about you?

[00:42:05] Cody: There's so many things I love about you, but I think that on theme with this podcast actually is I love your willingness to explore an unknown future with enthusiasm. I know this sounds cheesy cuz it's, it's the topic that we're talking about, but I really do love that about you and I think you're even better at it than I am.

[00:42:29] Cody: Cuz lately we've had some conversations recently around vision or like imagining scenarios and it's sort of what I do as a default habit. I just, you've 

[00:42:42] Tali: criticized yourself on this podcast for this very trade. Right? 

[00:42:45] Cody: Right. But sometimes I don't look at it as a total negative. It's just how attached I am to that, that's where the negative negativity comes from.

[00:42:52] Cody: Mm-hmm. . But I don't necessarily think the ability to project a, a vision or like imagine scenarios in your mind. I don't think this. That's a bad [00:43:00] thing. Mm-hmm. . But I've kind of been surprised at some of our communication lately about how you, I wouldn't say don't have the ability to, but you, you simply don't entertain it very often.

[00:43:10] Cody: Like, you don't really play out scenarios in your head in a visual way, like seeing certain actions taking place are how people are gonna react or whatever. Like you, you talk about those things with me sometimes, but you don't really project into the future that way. And I think for me that's it's an amazing quality because you're brave.

[00:43:32] Cody: You're so brave. Mm-hmm. just like want to explore the future, even having not really considered what that is. But you still want to dive in and explore because it's like you, you build excitement for it. So that's something I really love about 

[00:43:47] Tali: you. Some would call that 

[00:43:48] Cody: reckless . I don't think it's reckless because you're, well, I mean, yeah, some would call it reckless, but yeah, screw them.

[00:43:54] Cody: Like they're . They're too safe. 

[00:43:56] Tali: What I love about you, [00:44:00] and this has been a theme that's come up for the last couple of weeks, is that your dedication to, you know, expanding your mind and expanding your life is just so hardcore . You know, personal development is a theme that has been really like coveted in my family for a really long time, and.

[00:44:23] Tali: You know, just to see that so radically in another is just so inspiring to me. It makes me feel like we have so much to work with. You know, there's, in one way you could think about it as like, there's so much mystery still, and that's what makes it fun. Mm-hmm. Like, I do not know what our life will be like in two years.

[00:44:42] Tali: I do not know what our marriage will be like in 10 years. Mm-hmm. and I fucking love that. Yeah. , you know I love having that mystery, but you know, your ability to continuously open yourself up to new ideas, new experiences, new ways of [00:45:00] thinking, just gets me so excited about that quality of life that I really want.

[00:45:05] Tali: I feel like we're so well suited for each other because of that. Yeah. Thanks, babe. All right. Next question. Did I preface why we're doing these questions? No. Or like, okay. I guess that was just a easy way to like, introduce what they all are. But I just wanna say that, you know, . This is a practice that we do because it allows us to check in with each other.

[00:45:26] Tali: It allows us to kind of like give each other kudos for the week that we've had. And it's just allowed us to feel really grateful for one another and to hear the other person say that mm-hmm. , you know, you tell me all the time that I make your way into your journal all the time, but I don't read your journal.

[00:45:44] Tali: Right. You know, so this is kind of a way that we can express gratitude for each other. That's like super structured. Cody and I are constantly speaking this way to each other on a regular basis anyway. We're pretty sappy on a regular basis. But yeah, I just think it's [00:46:00] like a really valuable way of connecting with each other and kind of like setting ourselves up for success.

[00:46:08] Tali: Yeah. Moving forward. Well, and 

[00:46:08] Cody: moving. It's kind of the opposite of the set it and forget it thing that you were talking about. That's okay. That's how we 

[00:46:13] Tali: got here. . 

[00:46:13] Cody: Well, yeah, because it's a really intentional way of connecting. Once a week, you know, you and I. have set us, set ourselves up for a relationship where we're connecting all the time.

[00:46:23] Cody: Like you and I probably connect on some emotional level or something that we're needing or something we're grateful for, or whatever it is. Probably daily. Oh yeah. I would say at least we really make an effort to take special moments. You know, today, today we went grocery shopping, but first we stopped for a coffee, you know, and we had, you know, some fun conversation in the car on the way there.

[00:46:43] Cody: So but that is not something you can just have on autopilot and expect it to always be there. So checking in with the five questions once a week is just a really good opportunity to make sure that we are practicing, which is intention. It's not just a habit, it's [00:47:00] an intentional thing that we return to.

[00:47:03] Cody: to make sure that we're still in that mode and being on 

[00:47:06] Tali: the same page. That's super important to us. 

[00:47:08] Cody: Yeah. So yeah, that's what this is all about. 

[00:47:10] Tali: I hope that whoever hears this gives these questions a try. So that was number one. What I love about you, what I love about you, number two, is thank you for mm-hmm.

[00:47:23] Cody: thank you for

[00:47:28] Cody: taking such good care of me lately. I've had a lot of ups and downs with some really challenging stuff that we're doing, and it's all been on purpose. So it's a little bit like your workouts , where 

[00:47:40] Tali: self-inflicted 

[00:47:41] Cody: challenges, it's self-inflicted challenges. But that does not mean that they're not really fucking hard.

[00:47:46] Cody: And you've been so good to me, like just never making me feel like it's a chore to, you know, bolster me in in times where [00:48:00] I'm feeling weak or to. give me the time and the conversations that we need to have to kind of work through some of these challenging things. And you never make me feel like guilty or like you're weary from it, or Hmm.

[00:48:15] Cody: You know what I mean? Like, there's never, there's no there's no pushback into sort of like, well suck it up, you know, you're a man kind of thing. And Oh my God, . I know that. I know that you would never do that. I'm just but I thank you for that. I mean, I thank you for just feeding me like everything that I've really needed lately.

[00:48:34] Cody: You've been amazing. So 

[00:48:35] Tali: comes naturally, babe. Yeah. Thanks. Well, thank you for kind of, I, I don't wanna say it's like the flip side to the challenges that you're having, but I just wanna thank you for always encouraging me to be my absolute self. , it's so incredibly meaningful. I feel like for so much of my life I have felt out of place or pushed into boxes that didn't fit.

[00:48:58] Tali: Mm-hmm. and I, [00:49:00] I just feel so incredibly supported by you and encouraged by you, and you're always acknowledging that. And I've, it just allows me to be a better friend, wife, partner for you. Mm-hmm. . And so it's everything I could ever ask for. Really. It's all encompassing. Like, that is my bottom line.

[00:49:22] Tali: Thank you. 

[00:49:23] Cody: Yeah, you're welcome. And just exactly the same kind of response you just said is that it comes easy, it comes naturally. To support all the various aspects of you, because I fucking love every aspect of you, . So it's, it's easy. Well, it all works out. It's easy. 

[00:49:39] Tali: Okay. Third question, the second question.

[00:49:41] Tali: Third question is, well, they're not all exactly questions, but the next one is I'm challenged by, and this one was interesting to me because when my mom was telling us about this process, she said, you know, this is not really an opportunity to work out the [00:50:00] challenge. It's just an acknowledgement of it to just let the other person know what is, what's creating friction for you.

[00:50:12] Tali: And then just allowing that other person to like maybe move forward being more sensitive to that. 

[00:50:16] Cody: Mm-hmm. , that's, I thank you for making that distinction cuz I've been a long time since you introduced these to me. Yeah. We've been doing this for a long time now and I kind of forgot. That that's the case.

[00:50:27] Cody: I think it's a common issue in a lot of relationships where there's someone in the relationship who feels like they're, they're, they're like a fixer. They're a natural fixer. They want to fix something. Mm-hmm. . And so if you come to them with a challenge, they're always trying to just spit out advice and, and help, and they're trying to, no, that's not what I want.

[00:50:45] Cody: Yeah. They're trying to be helpful, but sometimes it's like, no, I just need you to understand where I'm at. Yeah. Yeah. 

[00:50:50] Tali: Like, this is why I'm tired. This is why I'm cranky. I was 

[00:50:53] Cody: just reminded of a hilarious scene in a movie that I haven't thought of for years. What is [00:51:00] it? White men can't jump. Never saw it with Woody Harrelson.

[00:51:03] Cody: And I think I, I can't remember. It's been so long. I don't remember. Is it a basketball movie? Yeah. It's a weird movie. I don't even remember. But it's hilarious because there's this gal who's like, I'm thirsty. And he's like, well, let me give you some water. And she's like, no, I want you to just say, I know what it's like to be thirsty and yeah.

[00:51:23] Cody: Anyway, that's funny. So what am I challenged by? Hmm? Challeng Pick one. Challenged . Yeah. Can you go first on this because I, sure. I think I need to think about it for a second. 

[00:51:35] Tali: So this is something I've been challenged by over the weekend. But I actually feel like I'm interacting with it just fine.

[00:51:42] Tali: There have just been moments of anxiety. with this particular scenario. So Cody and I work our day jobs Monday through Thursday, and then Friday through Sunday we work on the ranch. We do our podcast recording. We are, you know, launching our business getting the house cleaned up, getting ready for all of our hunting [00:52:00] guests coming next week, prepping lunch for the week, and it becomes more work than our work week.

[00:52:06] Tali: Yep. And I'm just used to, you know, waking up at six on the weekends, that's like sleeping in for us. And this weekend Cody and I made the conscious effort to slow the fuck down. . Yeah. Slow the fuck down. Like really just relax and watch movies and indulge in each other and just put a lot less pressure on ourselves.

[00:52:29] Tali: Awesomely. I think throughout the week we've done a lot to like set ourselves up well for it, but there are things that have slid mm-hmm. like for sure. You know, commitments that we had that we totally, I think forgot about because of our desire to just like pump the brakes really hard. And I've had a few moments this weekend where that has been really hard for me because I like to operate at a certain frequency.

[00:52:54] Tali: I like the feeling of accomplishment and sometimes being like quote [00:53:00] unquote lazy or taking the day off, off. You know, it's been a long time since I've been in this place where that is uncomfortable to me. Mm-hmm. , you know, I'd say in our Portland life that was very much like part of my identity and how I liked to live my life, but we've had a lot happen since then.

[00:53:16] Tali: Like the pandemic where we did like not a lot for a while or, you know, our training schedule wasn't very demanding and we've been kinda like building back up slowly. We've. Kind of gotten ourselves back to a certain point where we are like productive as fuck. Every weekend is planned out and yeah, just like deciding to throw that out the window for like a couple weekends in a row.

[00:53:39] Tali: Mm-hmm. we don't get me wrong, we've gotten lots done too, but just to really change the pace, it's uncomfy for me and I feel like it makes me kind of cranky or nervous or, you know, that feeling when you're like, what the fuck am I forgetting? Yeah. It's nagging. Mm-hmm. . And so I feel like I've had moments like that this weekend, but you know, going into this coming [00:54:00] weekend, we've got bowl season coming up and you know, we needed to slow down so we can ramp back up again.

[00:54:06] Tali: Yeah. So that's what I was challenged by this weekend. . 

[00:54:12] Cody: I can appreciate that cuz I've had those moments myself. I think I'm a little more willing to just be like, well, fuck it. Well, like we need some rest. Because I felt so restored this weekend. Good. Compared to, I mean, we've been going hard for I would say at least three months.

[00:54:27] Cody: We have been going really hard every weekend. And maybe even more so ever 

[00:54:32] Tali: since we got home from California it 

[00:54:33] Cody: feels like. Yeah. Well and even before that we were recording podcasts, so like, yeah. I think it's been ramping up for months, but what am I challenged by? I think one thing I'm challenged by is I don't, I don't like the feeling of sort of a waiting for something to be over.

[00:54:55] Cody: That has always been a challenge for me, like, Feeling like I want to [00:55:00] progress and move on to something. And then, but it's like, well, but before I do that, I have to do X, Y, Z because I'm like waiting for this thing to be done. And so right now I'm, I feel like I'm in this holding pattern Oh, because of work.

[00:55:13] Cody: Yeah. So I have one more week of work left, woo woo. Which is awesome. And it's only four days. Like I'm, I'm not, but to give some context, it's like, it's four days during hunting season. So the weekend, my first weekend off after my job ends is also going to be hosting house guests and hunting early in the morning and gathering wood during the day.

[00:55:35] Cody: And it's gonna be like really, really tight. And then you go right back to work. And then in another week and a half after that, another hunting season starts. Mm-hmm. and. in my brain, I kind of get this sort of bird's eye view picture of the calendar and I'm just like, oh man, I just, it's like mid-November before I can really have control of my schedule and really, really feel like I'm able to [00:56:00] focus because I have all these variables coming up and it's all good stuff.

[00:56:04] Cody: Like I love hunting season. I love having friends and family over. I love, you know, everything you and I are working on, like all, it's all good stuff, but I just don't like the feeling of having to like, wait to. To get past things. Like, I don't like living my life, trying to like, get things 

[00:56:22] Tali: over with. Well, there's so much anticipation, you know, because life is short.

[00:56:25] Tali: We've been looking forward to this for such a long time. Yeah. I've been looking forward to hunting season for a long time. Yeah. And I know you've been looking forward to not having a job, so it makes a lot of sense that why you would feel that way. Yeah. So, all right, so that's number three. The next one is a small ask, and this is where you get to ask your partner something little.

[00:56:48] Tali: It's gotta be a very small commitment that they can do that just shows like a little bit of consideration if there's something that's nagging at you. Hilariously, a lot of times we don't answer this [00:57:00] one, and I don't really know why that is. Like, I guess the exa like some good examples would be like, it would be great if you didn't wear your shoes in our bedroom or on the couch, or if you could.

[00:57:14] Tali: Feed the fish for me this week or something like, something small that will feel like a point of friction is just eliminated from life. Mm-hmm. . And a lot of times you and I come up short, we don't have anything to 

[00:57:25] Cody: say. Yeah. I think we come up short because we're, we're always trying to look out for each other.

[00:57:32] Cody: Like it's kind of our default mode most of the time is to be considerate of each other. And so coming up with a small ask is kind of a challenge sometimes because like we might think of big issues or something we need to talk about. Yes. It's easy to think of a big ask. Yeah. But yeah, those small things are so often taken care of already.

[00:57:51] Tali: Do you have a small ask for 

[00:57:52] Cody: me this week? Small ask. Hmm. Perhaps while you're doing some meal prepping and I'm going to be [00:58:00] editing podcasts and such in here. You could put the pots and pans away that are clean. That are clean. Sure. Yeah. I appreciate that. Cuz sometimes clean dishes and clean laundry sort of sit around for a long time.

[00:58:14] Cody: It's the weirdest thing. 

[00:58:15] Tali: Yeah. It's the weirdest thing to mess up your house with clean stuff. Small ask. It's always so hard to think of this one on the fly. Like, you know, when you see it, right? Right. Like when there's something like sitting out that you don't want to be or whatever. Like you're like, oh, I should remember this for five questions.

[00:58:34] Tali: Yeah. Hey, I'll give you some time to think. Well, I, I, what? I just want to thank you for something. What, and I acknowledge, and I don't know if it's on purpose, what just, I'm getting to it. I don't know if it's on purpose or just coincidental, but you have had, since I've known you a habit of leaving your shoes like in the middle.

[00:58:55] Cody: Places where people walk. Sorry, people being me and I trip over them all the time. 

[00:58:59] Tali: You've [00:59:00] had some spills, . 

[00:59:01] Cody: Yeah. So I just want to acknowledge though, that that hasn't been happening for the last couple weeks. And I don't know if that was intentional, but I do want to acknowledge that. I have noticed and I appreciate it.

[00:59:12] Tali: So I've actually been trying to just put more of my stuff away. In general. In general. Yeah. That's right. Yeah. And so this, that just happens to be a 

[00:59:18] Cody: byproduct of it. Okay. Well that's a particular one that I appreciate. . . 

[00:59:21] Tali: That's so funny. I don't have one. You don't have a small ask. No, sorry. I know. I feel like that's kind of like punking out on air, but okay.

[00:59:30] Tali: I don't think of one. Well, if you think of something, I always like default to like, kiss me before you go. Go. Yeah. 

[00:59:36] Cody: And I do. But you're asleep so you 

[00:59:38] Tali: don't remember anymore. I know. But maybe you should like, wake me up all the way. 

[00:59:41] Cody: Wake me up before you go. Go. There you 

[00:59:44] Tali: go. Okay. Is that a small ask or is that a big order?

[00:59:47] Tali: Because I know waking me up is really hard. Waking you up 

[00:59:49] Cody: is a tall order, but. I will, how about this? I will try to kiss you until you make some sort of acknowledgement. Alright? And if you don't [01:00:00] remember, that's on you. . Okay. . 

[01:00:02] Tali: Okay. Alright. And so the last question is, what is going well in our marriage?

[01:00:07] Tali: This is my favorite one because it's different than what I love about you. Yeah. Love about you. Cause it's 

[01:00:14] Cody: like our joint effort, right? Yeah. And our joint effort is spectacular right now in our next level communication. So because listening, when you're listening to the, to this podcast, you might not know our history together cuz most people aren't a part of our marriage.

[01:00:33] Cody: But Uhhuh. But since you and I. Met really started having really honest, vulnerable conversation. And then within a few weeks of meeting we literally made a conscious agreement that we would always be honest, even if it's really uncomfortable, and we would always bring things to the table that express our needs even if it's uncomfortable and even [01:01:00] if it's crazy, even if it's nuts.

[01:01:02] Cody: Yeah. And we can always preface it with like, I know this is irrational, but I'm feeling this way about that. Or, 

[01:01:07] Tali: I don't know where this is coming from. Yeah. Or I'm feeling the need for this. 

[01:01:11] Cody: Yeah. And it's a little hard for me to describe this cuz I keep wanting to communicate this with people. What the way we do this and, and our agreement around it because it's more than just honesty.

[01:01:22] Cody: It's. Forthrightness. Like, we're not just being honest about like the questions you ask me and I'll give you an honest answer. It's like, I'm not gonna wait for you to ask me, right. I'm gonna come to you with what's on my mind. Absolutely. Good, bad, weird insecurities. Like whatever it the fuck it is, we make that a practice.

[01:01:44] Cody: And, and so because of that, the reason I'm giving that context for you who are listening is that we have always had this sort of like amazing deep connection through communication since we met. But in the last couple weeks, [01:02:00] that has been challenged by like some restructuring that we're doing in our relationship and it's next fucking level,

[01:02:13] Cody: Vulnerability and I didn't think we 

[01:02:15] Tali: could keep going. Yeah. Any deeper and I guess we like hit 

[01:02:19] Cody: the limit, I guess. Yeah. I guess that's my point in giving the backstory is that I already thought we were just so kind of next level from any, any relationship I've ever seen modeled, not let alone experienced.

[01:02:30] Cody: I mean, I've never seen anything on tv. I've never seen anything in real life. I've never met anyone who. The type of communication that you and I have in our relationship. And yet in the last couple weeks we have ramped that up like in an exponential way, and it's kind of blowing. It's like, blows my mind.

[01:02:48] Cody: So that's going really, really well in our 

[01:02:51] Tali: marriage. Yeah, I'm super proud of that too. And it just makes it really exciting as well. Yeah. And I guess my answer of what's going well in [01:03:00] our marriage kind of piggybacks off of that you know, as a result of this level of vulnerability and honesty that we're having with each other and this very like, exploratory phase in our life.

[01:03:12] Tali: It just makes me really excited that like five years into our relationship, we can change, we can like shake it up. Mm-hmm. and it's not because we were having problems, it's not because Yeah, no. Yeah. We needed help. It's not because we weren't getting what we needed. It's for the sake of exploration and adventure and you know, living all our life.

[01:03:36] Tali: I just love that you and I walk the talk Yeah. Of what we want in our life. Like, and we really have allowed that to be possible for each other. You know, there's so much that, you know, we each contribute, but I do believe that you and I make each other stronger and accomplish more and experience more. And what else could I want in a partner?

[01:03:59] Tali: Mm-hmm. , you know, I just [01:04:00] think that it's super exciting to be with someone who

[01:04:08] Tali: just challenges the limits, like pushes the border, pushes that line all the time, and you know, being with you is never boring. Sweetheart, . 

[01:04:18] Cody: Well, I'm glad you appreciate that and it's not a 

curse. 

[01:04:21] Tali: Yeah. And just one thing I wanted to say about your answer about like our level of honesty and vulnerability.

[01:04:26] Tali: You know, I always felt like I was like the queen of resentment and that was always with the intention to not be confrontational. Mm-hmm. or to be naggy. You know, I knew that nagging somebody about what they're doing that bothers me, you know, doesn't help. But I didn't know what the opposite was. I didn't know what the alternatives were.

[01:04:47] Tali: Mm-hmm. to mitigate those kinds of things because I just figure, you know, relationships with anybody, there's gonna be friction, there'll be tension, there are things that are different about you that just might not mesh well. But [01:05:00] I just really felt like when you and I had made the agreement to bring things up as they come up mm-hmm.

[01:05:06] Tali: Was definitely experimental for me at the time, but I also was just like, I wanna cut the crap. Yep. I don't wanna play games no more. I don't want to live. Silently suffering. Yeah. And I had been in a relationship not long before you, where that was the case. I felt like I had no room to move. Mm-hmm.

[01:05:27] Tali: there was so much restriction and such a lack of communication that I just felt fucking stuck and it was so not good. And I did not want that to become a pattern in my life. Mm-hmm. like not for a second. 

[01:05:41] Cody: Yeah. Yeah. And I, I remember, I, and I want to give you credit because I think it was, I think it was me who sort of really early on in our relationship was like, let's just be completely honest with each other at all times.

[01:05:57] Cody: Like, I want to be that, and I don't want to have to hide any part of [01:06:00] myself from you or anything. And that was a, just like the mode that I wanted to live in. But it was you who pointed out that. The reason resentment builds over time is that you're trying to be nice to the other person and so you hide something and then, yeah.

[01:06:13] Cody: So don't be nice. And then it bothers you and then it grows and it festers and it, and then it becomes a problem that you have to deal with. Well, and it 

[01:06:20] Tali: becomes the way that you look at your partner, you start to believe things about them, but you have to realize like that's on you. Yeah. If you don't bring that shit up Yeah.

[01:06:29] Tali: Then you're living with it. Yeah. You don't have, you can't blame the other person for it cuz they probably don't know. 

[01:06:35] Cody: Yeah. And you even as ascribe like intention behind what they're doing. Yes. Well, 

[01:06:40] Tali: whatever, it's, we fill in the blanks, right? Mm-hmm. , that's what our brains do. It's easy to create a whole story and yeah.

[01:06:46] Tali: So it was 

[01:06:46] Cody: something around it. It was you who took like my proposition, if you will, of radical honesty. And it was you who said, and we need to do it as fast as possible. Don't. Don't wait on things. Bring it up [01:07:00] and it's working beautifully. Mm-hmm. so far? Yeah, I think so. I think it's getting back to what you were talking about with the ability to push boundaries and, and know that since the future's unexpected, that we should just go ahead and explore all we have and live all our life and all that.

[01:07:20] Cody: This morning when we were on the way to the grocery store, I just remember us saying like, it feels like we're just starting, like we've been together for five years, and it feels like, oh, we're just starting now. Like it's just new and fresh and amazing versus what is usually happening five years into a relationship, which is like that old shoe feelings.

[01:07:39] Cody: Yeah. And it's also a sort of a decline into that whole seven year itch that people talk about where like, the magic is gone. Like there's no, I hear this all the time on podcasts and everything. I listen to a ton of them and You know, it's just like an accepted thing that like if you're in a relationship after a few years, you can just expect things to be sort of stale.

[01:07:58] Cody: Like, that's just [01:08:00] life. And that's not how you and I live. . It's not stale, because that sounds terrible. It sounds like a terrible way to live. Yeah. So anyway, I feel like we've been very self-congratulatory in the last few minutes, so humble brags. I apologize for that to everyone who's listening, but I think it's, it's awesome to share as an example and we would love for everybody in the world to be as happy as we

[01:08:26] Tali: Yeah. I think it's really easy, especially like with friends and family, you know, we use each other as support when things aren't going well and I think. , it's just as valuable to share what is going well. Yeah, absolutely. You know, who is I just talking to about this? But you know, I think everybody's been in this situation where like they've got a great friend who is in a terrible relationship and you make the mistake of pointing that out and then they don't wanna be friends with you anymore, or you're a terrible friend for being honest with them.

[01:08:56] Tali: I feel like parent mm-hmm. , what's that? Or parent. [01:09:00] Yeah. I you know, I think a lot of that is just attributed to people venting mm-hmm. about the negativities in their relationships and not showing enough of the positive. You know, I remember thinking like, I have a very specific, you know, scenario in mind where a really good friend of mine in college we essentially like broke up as friends because, you know, she had a boyfriend who was cheating on her at the time, and I.

[01:09:25] Tali: Been more encouraging to end the relationship rather than like push through. And that's not just because I have like a particular stance on cheating. I think that every situation's very different and I think relationships can vary in terms of their ability to be resilient from such things. But in my opinion, at the time it was totally not worth what she was going through and me not being like quote unquote supportive she thought I was a bad friend for it.

[01:09:52] Tali: Mm-hmm. and used those words like, you're a bad friend. And I was like, I thought I was being a good friend by not bullshitting with you. Mm-hmm. and [01:10:00] looking out for you. And you know, I'm not, I think you can get a sense just like in the way that we talk on the podcast, I'm not someone who just like says shit for the sake of it.

[01:10:13] Tali: I feel very thoughtful about my responses to people, especially when they're in need or needing support. And so it just felt like a real misdiagnosis there. And you know, I remember telling her like, well, you haven't really given me much of a reason to like this guy. Mm-hmm. , all I've heard about him is how fucking terrible he is.

[01:10:33] Tali: So there was kind of a lack of recognition on her end that like, I didn't really have much to go off of other than all the shit she complains about with him. So, you know, you're the first, even though, 

[01:10:46] Cody: what, well, you're the first person I've ever been with and I'm 47 years old, y'all. So this is some experience, but you're the first person I've ever been with that doesn't talk shit about me to your friends, and then use the excuse of, well, I'm venting, [01:11:00] or I need to get this stuff off my chest, or that kind of thing because you, you edify me to your friends.

[01:11:06] Cody: So you might bring up challenges. Yeah. But you, you temper that with a lot of edification, you know, 

[01:11:13] Tali: and I'm just curious, how do you know that? I'm just saying like, I'm just thinking about like, guess when you've vent to your friends about your relationship, usually that never comes up or like you would never know 

[01:11:24] Cody: about it.

[01:11:25] Cody: Well, I, I think it's just because of our whole policy of honesty that you've come to me and told me what you've been talking about 

[01:11:32] Tali: with your friends. I do actually tell you like almost immediately, like, yeah, I was talking to Dory about like what we're going through right 

[01:11:37] Cody: now. Yeah. And you, you know, you don't have to give me word by word play, you know, play by play, you know, word for word transcripts of your conversations, but you often just come to me and tell me that you talked about this challenge with such and such or whatever.

[01:11:53] Cody: But I also know that you build me up to your friends as well. One reason I know that is because your friends are [01:12:00] nice to me. Like I've had a lot 

[01:12:01] Tali: of relationships. Oh, that must make so much sense. 

[01:12:03] Cody: Yeah. I've had a lot of relationships where like, Significant other's friends are kind of bitches. And I'm like, what the hell is your problem?

[01:12:12] Cody: You know? And it's like, I didn't realize it's because all they ever heard from my significant other is terrible days, the problems we've been having. Okay. That makes a lot of sense. And when the, and when everything is good, I just don't come up , you know? Yeah. 

[01:12:27] Tali: I, I always thought I had just like some tough critic friends, but I feel like those friends, like, you know, that's more of like them being protective of me.

[01:12:35] Tali: Our relationship moved really fast. Mm-hmm. . And so it's easy to be kind of skeptical, but I mean, I feel like they've, there's a total 180 and it's been like that for a long time in terms of like their feelings towards you. 

[01:12:46] Cody: Yeah. I love all your friends and like, hanging out with them and everything. So I feel like we've gotten off of our main topic for this slightly, but it was some really important shit to say, so I appreciate the conversation honey.

[01:12:57] Cody: Do you want to move on? [01:13:00] Yeah. Okay. I have I have a few more things about gratitude. Great. About the whole, like have to or get to mindset, because this is an kind of a next level, deeper form of gratitude because so far we've talked about, you know, I'm grateful that my body is capable of working out.

[01:13:18] Cody: I'm grateful that I have the time to get this in. I'm grateful that I have a gym or whatever in the fitness realm. But sometimes I think we forget to be grateful to ourselves for making the choices that we're making. And so it's almost like, thank you for to yourself, but then you insert yourself.

[01:13:41] Cody: Yeah. So, so thank yourself for. Keeping a gratitude journal. Thank yourself for, you know, trying to get your head straight. Thank yourself for getting into the gym. Thank you. Thank yourself for listening to a podcast like this because the only reason you'd be listening to this [01:14:00] podcast is either you really like us a lot or you're hoping to get something out of it of value that you can use to improve some aspect of your life.

[01:14:08] Cody: And not everybody does that. I think 

[01:14:10] Tali: that's kind of interesting. So 

[01:14:11] Cody: be grateful to yourself. Yeah, like thank yourself for just being the type of person who wants to improve things. 

[01:14:18] Tali: I'm gonna think about that next time I talk. Like I practice any kind of gratitude, like whether or not I actually acknowledge myself.

[01:14:24] Tali: Mm-hmm. . Cuz I think it's easy to be like all the things around me just are happening to align or I'm just gonna pay attention to the good things going on in my life. But it is an extra step to acknowledge like your role in that and having made that choice or. , whatever. I think that's brilliant. 

[01:14:43] Cody: Thank you.

[01:14:44] Cody: Yeah. It's just gone. Something kind of new that's like slipped into my gratitude journal in the last few weeks is just kind of remembering that like, you know, I'm grateful to myself for getting up at four 40 in the morning. Ew. Because I hate it and it sucks. [01:15:00] But if, if, if I do that, then I get to journal and meditate.

[01:15:04] Cody: If I don't do that, then I just have to like get ready and go to work. And so, you know, I'll, I'll thank myself for like, this kind of sucks, but I, thanks to me for for doing this cuz I know it's important to like walk 

[01:15:16] Tali: the walk. Yeah. You know, in yoga classes a lot of times at the end they're kind of prompt you to thank yourself for showing up on the mat.

[01:15:26] Tali: And I just want that to be more widespread in the athletic world. Like, I know I said just in a very recent podcast that like yoga didn't really resonate with me in terms of like, The experience that a lot of that world has to offer, it just feels kind of like one note. Mm-hmm. that just like, doesn't fly with me super well.

[01:15:49] Tali: But I totally love the idea of bringing that into other areas of practice or sport. I think I mentioned this on another episode that, [01:16:00] you know, when I would get to the gym I would kind of say to myself like, thank you for being on the platform. Thank you for investing in yourself. Thank you for this body that can do stuff.

[01:16:11] Tali: Mm-hmm. , you know, just giving myself like a little moment to like, give myself some kudos for showing up. Cuz showing up is hard. Yeah. But then I would finish the session with thanking my coach too. Yeah. I'd shake his hand and I'd say Thank you for another wonderful day in the world of weightlifting

[01:16:30] Tali: And you know, I think that, having gratitude. And, you know, reflecting on that for yourself is really great, but you should also consider bringing other people into that practice. You absolutely know, I think. Thank you. Yeah. Thank yous. And I'm sorrys are not heard enough. Yeah. And so I 

[01:16:52] Cody: just, that's a valuable currency in the world because there's not much of it.

[01:16:55] Tali: Yeah. I just wanna encourage, like anybody out there who's listening, who [01:17:00] got great advice from a friend or worked with a coach or something, listen to this podcast, just say thank you. Like it goes such a long way. I got a little shout out from a client today. Mm-hmm. that just lit me up inside. It was a wonderful 

[01:17:16] Cody: moment and it's was, and everything you're talking about is seg segueing into something I want to ask you.

[01:17:20] Cody: Oh, 

[01:17:20] Tali: wonderful. Yeah. Yeah. I just think it's super powerful to lead and close. with gratitude, it could be like a really cool bookend mm-hmm. for any experience that you're going into. 

[01:17:34] Cody: Yeah, absolutely. One of the things that I had in my show notes for today is the practices that we're trying to describe here and how it can lead to a different relationship with your own body.

[01:17:49] Cody: Because most people in this world are self-critical. And I know for me a lot of it is age related. Like, I get really [01:18:00] frustrated with being older and aging and all of the fun things that come along with that. Hmm. But we're, we're talking about having an attitude of gratitude. Ooh. And then it's good one, it's sort of like do I have to go to the gym or do I get to go to the gym?

[01:18:17] Cody: And then part of that is like, I'm grateful for. Having a body that I can go to the gym in, like I can actually pick up the weight and maybe I'm not as strong as I used to be, but I can still pick up the fucking barbell. 

[01:18:29] Tali: So, and that's universal no matter what kind of body you have, right? Yeah. What condition your body's 

[01:18:36] Cody: in.

[01:18:36] Cody: But what I wanted to talk to you about is that that practice then leads to a different relationship with how you think about your body because I know that aesthetics, so this is a common thing that's, that's taught a lot in CrossFit specifically, but I think in weightlifting as well. Hmm. Which is like aesthetics are.

[01:18:58] Cody: perhaps Okay. To [01:19:00] pursue, but be grateful that your body is strong. Like there was a saying there for a while that was like, strong is the new skinny. Mm, mm-hmm. . And it's like, instead of trying to look a certain way, think about the things your body can do or being a certain way. Yeah. Yeah. But think about what you can do and, and how grateful you are for that.

[01:19:19] Cody: So I'd like you to speak a little bit to like how that changes your relationship with your body, your self image and, and that kind of thing. As far as being capable. 

[01:19:28] Tali: Yeah. I mean, there's no secret that, you know, when you and I kind of put a halt to working out, you know, my body followed, and I think so much of the anxiety that I had, or like self-loathing that I had about my body was because I wasn't moving mm-hmm.

[01:19:47] Tali: It wasn't just because of what it looked like. It's what that. Composition represented. Mm-hmm. , I was no longer like being good to myself, challenging myself, showing up for myself, X, Y, and Z. [01:20:00] But as someone who has had a lot of neurosis and really strong beliefs about themselves around body image learning that my body could be a tool and like a really powerful one.

[01:20:17] Tali: The greatest gift, you know, to realize that like, I am worth more than what I look like. And you know, it's not just exclusive to women. I know that all people experience that to some 

[01:20:30] Cody: degree. Mm-hmm. , thanks for saying that. Cuz I think there's a perception out there that guys don't give a shit. Yeah. I think it's, it's wrong to say that.

[01:20:37] Cody: It's really more of a suffering and silence issue. Yeah. 

[01:20:40] Tali: Which is terrible. You know, it was tricky for me also though, in a way to be involved in a weight class sport because it kind of allowed neurosis around your weight to be normalized. Mm-hmm . That was something that was very challenging for me.

[01:20:58] Tali: You know, I would have [01:21:00] a higher sense of value or self-worth when I was competing at a lighter weight class. You know, it does play into your competitive. Ness, to be a lighter lifter and to be able to lift heavier at a lighter weight. So it did, it did work for me, but at times I would really question like, well, how important is that?

[01:21:25] Tali: You know, I could lift more if I actually weigh more, you know, mass moves mass. Mm-hmm. . And so, you know, that, that definitely is not perfect in the sport and definitely not something that I feel like I've got a great grasp on in terms of how I wanna move forward with that. You know, I don't think I'll be competing again.

[01:21:46] Tali: But you know, there was a sense of pride when I would say that I was a 70. I don't, I can't remember what the old weight classes were anymore, goodness. Mm-hmm. , but I was in like the 70 kilogram weight class and then competed at the [01:22:00] 63 kilogram weight class. Mm-hmm. later on. And I just like put so much more value on that lighter weight class and I think that training for aesthetics, like I've tried to do that before. I've even told my coaches before, like, that is my primary goal and then, or objective and then, you know, performance and you know knowledge of, you know, nutrition or whatever. Like those things are secondary. Mm-hmm. . And it never really got me very far because it felt pretty hollow.

[01:22:33] Tali: Like it wasn't enough to propel me forward, but when I start paying attention to what my body can do mm-hmm. , you know, especially in a realm like CrossFit, where there's so many markers of progress and like so many different things you can try. That's why I think the program is amazing. Yes, that can become overwhelming down the pipeline, but when I became more aware of like what I could do now by putting in the work as opposed to like what I was unable [01:23:00] to do when I started.

[01:23:02] Tali: it's huge. Mm-hmm. , it's amazing. Like you can't help but feel appreciative for your body because your body did that. Right. You know, we've talked about ownership, like no one else is doing it for you. It's, it's right there in your face and your work and what you've been able to do. And it just gives you the sense of capability that like I can change myself, I can change my circumstances, I'm pliable.

[01:23:25] Tali: And I think one of the greatest gifts that physical activity gives anyone is just breaking any beliefs of feeling trapped. And that's a terrible feeling. We feel that in our relationships. We feel that in our bodies. We feel that in our jobs. And it's an incredible reminder that you can shift your focus.

[01:23:46] Tali: You can push harder than you thought you could. Mm-hmm. , I'm all for it. Yeah, that was a ranty one. 

[01:23:54] Cody: Sorry. Well, no, I appreciate you sharing cuz I think you have a better perspective on what it's like to like [01:24:00] really think about and. and know of a change in the relationship you have with your own self image and your own body?

[01:24:08] Tali: Well, a lot of it also I think, comes with age too. Sure. I'm in my thirties now and I'm more readily like, I don't give a fuck what anybody thinks about me, . That's not a hundred percent true all the time. Of course not. But it resonates to me a lot more to just be like, cool with where I'm at. And I think that's more of like the coach in me who is really respecting, like where I'm coming from, being humble enough to admit it and putting work towards where I wanna go.

[01:24:40] Cody: Mm-hmm. . Well, I think and 

[01:24:43] Tali: that being enough, like that being respectable in and of itself. Yeah. It's not that radical acceptance that you and I. Talked about on the podcast before about how that can actually really stunt your growth. Yeah. But it's an acknowledgement of where you are, but also like [01:25:00] encouraging yourself and congratulating yourself for moving the needle.

[01:25:04] Cody: Yeah. Yeah. And I think it's kind of a self-perpetuating loop of sorts where if you are using terminology like I get to go train, and that sort of little inference of gratitude is what gets you to be consistent and then those consistent efforts. Allow you to have something that you're proud of.

[01:25:27] Cody: I'm proud of the work that I've done, and so now you've, you've kind of got this like gratitude loop, if you will, of being able to show gratitude to yourself and for your body, for its ability to do things which stemmed out of the work that you did and the work that you did stemmed out of a, an attitude of this is an opportunity I get to do this.

[01:25:49] Cody: Yeah. It's 

[01:25:49] Tali: a great feedback loop. Yeah. I was just thinking myself just for funsies. Is there a downside to what, to practicing 

gratitude? [01:26:00]

[01:26:00] Cody: Yeah. You know, I, Lisa Biu, I, I think is how you say the last name was talking about Who is that? Tom biu has a podcast called, I'm gonna screw it up. I'm gonna put it in the show notes because I listened to so many that I'm gonna mix up the title if I say it on air.

[01:26:17] Cody: So I will put it in the show notes. But she also came out with a book, so I'll go ahead and link to that. But she brought us something really interesting to me the other day about how a gratitude practice can be, you know, is always put out as this positive thing and, and positive, positive, positive.

[01:26:34] Cody: But what it was doing in their marriage for a while is that by seeking gratitude for every little thing, it was a way of avoiding issues. Interesting. Yeah. And so, by trying to practice gratitude. It's almost like she was stuffing down challenges that they were having and not allowing those to come out.

[01:26:57] Cody: Because, but is 

[01:26:58] Tali: is that just because they were like [01:27:00] constantly pivoting their focus or shifting their focus to like, what's good, what's good, what's good, right. Neglecting what's bad? Right. Because 

[01:27:07] Cody: it's looked at as a virtue to look, look at the positives, look at the bright side, you know, don't worry about how heavy your body is where you, you know, instead focus on being grateful that it's so strong.

[01:27:17] Cody: So that kind of, and and meanwhile you've got type two diabetes coming on, you know, like that. It's that kind of thing, you know, if to, to put it to the fitness analogy, 

[01:27:25] Tali: that's so interesting cuz I had thought about, I was one of my show notes, I was talking to somebody earlier about or earlier this week about heartbreak and, you know, as devastating and fucking awful, that can be, I'm sure so many people who are listening know exactly what that feels like.

[01:27:41] Tali: And part of. . I was trying to encourage this person like, well, can you look back on that as like a gift to yourself in some sort of way? I was just trying to spin it like, I don't even know if that's like legit to do, but you know, it was something that was incredibly [01:28:00] difficult to, to live through and to move forward from.

[01:28:02] Tali: And you know, when I think about when that happened to me, when my high school college sweetheart broke up with me, it was devastating. But I look back with gratitude that I got the chance to love someone so much. Mm-hmm. that I was so crushed by it when it was over like that, I really got to fully experience that.

[01:28:25] Tali: Like I. I like went head first. Mm-hmm. , like I let myself fall down the rabbit hole. I let myself love so much and yeah. Sometimes that doesn't end well. Mm-hmm. . But in a way I was really grateful for it because for me it's a value of mine to be able to like fully experience like the depths of my emotions fully.

[01:28:47] Tali: Mm-hmm. so well I think, I dunno, that's exactly the same kind of thing in terms of like, you know, you're just trying to spin things all the time as like being grateful for it. If it's fucking terrible, maybe that's, I don't a sense of denial. I 

[01:28:59] Cody: don't [01:29:00] think So in this case, because your gratitude for that really hard experience has allowed you to experience it again.

[01:29:08] Cody: Yes. Because people who are bitter and bittered by that, like, well, I will never get that attached again because I will not face 

[01:29:15] Tali: that pain. Well, and that's what I was hearing, so that's why I was trying to like shake that up a little bit. Yeah. Of like, how awesome is it that you. Felt that way about a person.

[01:29:25] Tali: Oh, they felt about that 

[01:29:26] Cody: way. About you, the person you were talking to. Mm-hmm. . Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I, I can relate cuz I think that's the approach I took after my big breakup for my high school sweetheart. Who is, she was, are those high school 

[01:29:38] Tali: sweethearts man though? Oh, that's rough. Ruin your life. rough. 

[01:29:41] Cody: And it's really rough too when you're surrounded by people who don't take it seriously.

[01:29:46] Cody: Like people would say, oh, puppy love because I was 16. You know, like, it's like just because I'm 16 doesn't mean this doesn't hurt really fucking bad. Or that you weren't like 

[01:29:56] Tali: super vulnerable. Yeah. Like usually with that first love, like you're trying it [01:30:00] on all for the first time. Yeah. 

[01:30:01] Cody: But that's kind of the mode I entered into after that is like, I went for years just being like, well I don't need to feel that deeply anymore cuz that almost ruined me, so I'm just gonna take things a little lighter from here on out.

[01:30:15] Cody: And it kept me from having really deep, meaningful connections with people for a long time. For sure. So I think what you're talking about as far as looking back at that with a sense of gratitude, I think is a really good leveraging tool to be able. Have those positive experiences again, to, to fall in love or to, or to go into business again.

[01:30:36] Cody: Like this is, like, it's really similar to, you know, what we're doing now cuz we're jumping into a new business and a new business model and we've got a lot of new things about it. But on the other hand, I have been here before, I've started businesses before and some of my experiences with them have been devastating.

[01:30:55] Cody: Like, not at all what I wanted. Not at all what I thought it would be and a lot of [01:31:00] self-deprecating, you know, attitudes around my failures in business. But I think looking at the aspects that I can be grateful for is allowing me to have some bravery to go ahead and try it again. Yeah. Yeah. So I think you've got a good leveraging tool there.

[01:31:17] Cody: I think what Lisa was talking about as far as the gratitude being a scapegoat is that they, they had issues that they were ignoring in their marriage because they thought. Developing a positive attitude and being grateful was the more, I don't know if ethical is the right word, but that's how you level up.

[01:31:36] Cody: You level up and you do self-improvement by being more grateful for things and not bitching about the negative parts. But what that was doing is it was allowing them to have a scapegoat to not deal with shit. 

[01:31:48] Tali: Interesting. I really wish I knew some of those examples or if they gave examples just because I wanna know if it was just like they tried to find a bright side in the [01:32:00] challenge or if they just turned their attention towards something totally different.

[01:32:03] Tali: Yeah, 

[01:32:03] Cody: I think it was like a bright side in the challenge. Like, well we're I, you know, I don't know , I don't know. But anyway, I thought, you know, you asked, you asked for that devil's I did that devil's advocate. 

[01:32:14] Tali: Like I know I never really go there, but I was just kind of curious cuz we were talking about like the intensity of that feedback loop and how awesome it is and Yeah.

[01:32:21] Tali: You know, I do really think it's super life changing when you can. Start practicing gratitude. I feel like it really helps you get up out of a hole. Mm-hmm. , you know, same, same breakup that I was referring to before. I was in college when that happened. It was my last year in school. And you know, the ground had been ripped from beneath me and my social life.

[01:32:45] Tali: You know, all of our friends were the same friends and mm-hmm. I was going to school. I, I wonder he had, yeah, I guess he already transferred to my school. He had transferred to my school with me and then broke up with me.[01:33:00] But I think he transferred out after that. But essentially I felt just very much alone.

[01:33:04] Tali: I, like quit one of my jobs and it was like very devastating. And I just remember you know, my mom gave me some sort of meditation and to practice like on my very long commute to school. And it was. Tell it suggested that I pick three things that I'm grateful for. Mm-hmm. each day. And so in my planner, the same kind of planner that I still use, the August to August I'd just number on each page, like 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3.

[01:33:29] Tali: And I'd have to pick three things that I felt grateful for that day. And some of them would be really fucking small, like it totally built traction. But like, to give you an example would be like, well this'll be fun cuz I'm still friends with her. But Leah mm-hmm. , I was like, Leah asked me to lunch today, or something like that.

[01:33:48] Tali: Yeah. Or this person sat next to me or I don't know, my, I got called on when I raised my hand. Like really basic shit. Yeah. That, you know, is very easy [01:34:00] to take for granted. But it just gave me something to hang onto. Something that stuck. Mm-hmm. that. use Yeah. To build positivity back in my life when it felt really dreary.

[01:34:12] Cody: Yeah. Well, I think there's two things that that brings to mind for me. When you talk about being grateful for really small things. One is, like you said, it was kind of a stepping stone to develop the strength of the skill of gratitude. Yeah. You know, it's like a, and then you start to see it everywhere.

[01:34:29] Cody: Yeah. It's like an easy step. Like, all be grateful for the fact that it didn't rain today. You know, like little things like that that, that help you build on the practice of really seeking out more meaningful things. Yes. But there's, I think it also, besides just like an entry point, I think continuing to be grateful for small things in your life is a really good way to develop your brain, like the, to, to be the way you think about the world.

[01:34:57] Cody: You and I, that's one of the things that I've [01:35:00] loved about you since I met you is, and I've brought this up a lot to you recently, is that when, when I first stayed over at your house and we went for a walk the next morning and you made me a Turkish coffee, first time I've ever had Turkish coffee. And we walked around your neighborhood and you and I were both just pointing out the most mundane things, but they were beautiful.

[01:35:22] Cody: Like look at the tree roots of that tree. And I stopped and took picture. I still have the pictures of taking like, the, the pictures of these, well, it's a very cool tree. , weird tree roots. And and commenting on the architecture and Oh, look at those windows, you know, and we were both 

[01:35:35] Tali: doing that. I can get crazy about 

[01:35:37] Cody: windows.

[01:35:38] Cody: Yeah. And, but we were both doing it and I was just like on cloud nine cuz I was like, finally someone who sees the world in the way I want to see the world too. Mm-hmm. of just like, there's so much beauty around if you just like fucking pay attention, you know, like, I don't know, some people drive through those neighborhoods and it's like, eh, bunch of rich assholes in here.

[01:35:57] Cody: You know, like they have no appreciation for like, oh, [01:36:00] this house was built in 1880. And look at that architecture and look at the intention and the details and oh, it's so beautiful, you know? And so I think there's, yeah, kind of two, two wins in, in looking at the small stuff first. It, it exercises that muscle of gratitude.

[01:36:17] Cody: But the second thing is, is just helps you live in a more beautiful 

[01:36:20] Tali: world. Yeah. You know? Well, and I love that you say you're exercising a muscle and that obviously connects to what's happening in the gym. And so I just wanna urge everybody who listens and whatever kind of physical practice you have, like this is just a great arena to bring it into.

[01:36:36] Tali: And I would just say, you know, not just thank yourself for showing up, but think of other reasons that you are grateful to be there and what it's giving you to be there. And. , you know, remind yourself that this is serving you. This is not a chore, this is not a sentence. Mm-hmm. , this is something that you are doing for yourself to better yourself and to [01:37:00] feed yourself and to, you know, nourish your mind, spirit and body.

[01:37:05] Tali: And, you know, just really, you know, acknowledge that that's what this is. It's not a clock in and clock out. This is good shit. It's good for 

[01:37:13] Cody: you. Mm-hmm. . Yeah. I have one more show note that I just wanna bring up. Okay. The pushback that I've had with certain terms that are meant to be like foundations of personal development, if you will.

[01:37:28] Cody: Okay. And one of them is self-discipline. And to me, discipline is just kind of a negative term. It sounds like you're in trouble, like you did something wrong, and so you got a self-discipline to make yourself do the things you're supposed to do. And it's like, Ugh, I don't wanna do it today, but I'm self-disciplined so I'm gonna do it anyway.

[01:37:44] Cody: And, and, and I. I appreciate the sentiment behind that. But another way to think about doing things that you quote unquote don't want to do because you know they're good for you, is to, instead of thinking of overcoming that resistance and pushing [01:38:00] through and like being strong and tough and like self-disciplined, is to remove some of the resistance to doing it.

[01:38:10] Cody: So rather than having to overcome the resistance to the practice of showing up to the gym, remove some of the friction that's, that you're encountering to get to the gym. So we talk about physical aspects of this, like have your gym bag in your car so that you don't have to go home and get things on your way home from work.

[01:38:29] Cody: You can just go straight to the gym from your work and you're much more likely to be consistent because you already have your gym bag ready to go. And that just removes one point of friction for, for getting to the gym. So we, we talk about physical things you can do, but what you and I have been talking about for the last.

[01:38:46] Cody: Almost two hours. Oh damn. Is to me, I think a leveraging tool, if you will, for smoothing out friction in your mind. Because if you can develop a sense of like, I get to do this versus I [01:39:00] have to do this, you don't need to be as quote unquote, self-disciplined because you will take some of that resistance and friction away to begin with and just make it easier to show up.

[01:39:12] Tali: Well, you're creating excitement too around it, and I really urge people. , like practice that in relationships with other people. Mm-hmm. , you know, I was talking to you today about how I'm really trying hard not to like, get complaining about like having to get wood when it's already snowed and all this shit.

[01:39:28] Tali: And like, I have to check myself when I'm talking to other people. It's so easy, like small talk to be like, ugh. Yeah, I had to get the wood today. And it was, it was so hard. Instead of like, yeah, we got wood, it was, we got to spend time outside. It was beautiful. Mm-hmm. . You know, it was so great that we get to like, do this ourselves and feel self-sufficient.

[01:39:49] Tali: I mean, that's definitely a little, a stretch of enthusiasm, , but it's easy for people to kind of like complain about the same things like you were saying about relationships, how it's like I have [01:40:00] to ask my wife first, or all these things are like kind of old shoes that we say in front of our peers.

[01:40:05] Tali: Mm-hmm. And I'm not exactly sure like why that's the case. I think sometimes we think it might be like a way of connecting with people if we aren't bolstering ourselves up. If we're not boasting about things. But actually being like, yeah, actually life kind of sucks right now. Yeah. Maybe that's relatable, shared misery.

[01:40:23] Tali: What misery loves company. Yeah. So I think that's bullshit to play into. And I just also wanna challenge like this language that we're encouraging to say to yourself, like also bring that into your circles. Like, you know, I remember never being able to make plans with friends because of training and you know, it was never like, no I have to go to fucking training.

[01:40:43] Tali: Like, I'm sorry I can't hang with you, whatever. It'd be like, you know, I'm really stoked about going to training today cuz it's my favorite thing in the world, blah, blah, blah. You know, like just reframing it and also showing other folks around you that it is a good influence. Mm-hmm. . And then you might get other people to go to the gym with you.

[01:40:59] Tali: Yeah. 

[01:40:59] Cody: [01:41:00] Yeah. Yeah. And not just related to the gym, but in all aspects, like using that language of, I get to do this, I have an opportunity for this. Grateful for my ability to be able to do this. You know, not just saying those things to yourself, but others set you up for a leadership role, whether you want it or whether you want it to or not, because that type of language is so rare that I, it will get noticed.

[01:41:24] Cody: And whether you want to get noticed or not is beside the point. The point is, is that you're gonna positively impact somebody else if even a little bit of that can rub off on them if they even stop in a, in a subconscious way, even stop. Well, that's an interesting take. Totally. 

[01:41:42] Tali: You know, I used to always think of myself as very glass, half empty, very pessimistic, quick to judge, yada yada, yada.

[01:41:48] Tali: But when I became really entrenched in the fitness world and used this technique as a way of keeping myself motivated and kind of managing my [01:42:00] expectations in a way that allowed for a lot of progress. You know, people who just met me for the first time would be like, damn, that girl is like high on something.

[01:42:10] Tali: Cuz I would be so excited, genuinely about what I was doing and I wanted to share it with everybody. So it really can change you Yeah. As a person if you lean into it hard and Yeah. I'm sure people who are like really optimistic can be annoying to you at a time. Mm-hmm. . But I'm gonna tell you that being an optimistic person, is fucking awesome.

[01:42:32] Tali: Yeah, it's a great 

[01:42:33] Cody: feeling. And there's a difference. You know, when we were talking about gratitude being perhaps a dangerous tool of avoidance. Yeah. So there is a difference in, when it comes to positive mental attitude, there's this term called Pollyanna. And Pollyanna. I think there's a cartoon, I don't, I don't remember where it comes from because it's all really old.

[01:42:52] Cody: It's like from the 1920s or something. But Pollyanna is this like person who's so optimistic and sees the world in such rose colored glasses [01:43:00] that she's ignoring reality completely. Like far off the deep end there. Yeah. Like life is a disaster because she's like walking off of, you know, construction zone.

[01:43:09] Cody: Okay. So literally, yeah, like that kind of thing. it. But I think the difference there is that like you can still acknowledge reality and challenges and bring things up in a legitimate way without having to have a woe is me attitude about it. So, or giving into fear about it. Yeah. And so you can, you can still be realistic when not, when we say like, look at the bright side or look or have a positive mental attitude or practice gratitude around things that you may be challenged by.

[01:43:38] Cody: We're not saying ignore the fact that it's a challenge. Yeah. There's a huge difference there. And so it's sound, it, it's hollow to say look at the bright side or have a positive attitude, but it's not hollow to say, look, we can acknowledge that there's challenges, we can acknowledge that there's. Maybe you don't have the answers of how to overcome those [01:44:00] challenges.

[01:44:00] Cody: Mm-hmm. , but you can be grateful that you are alive and you're a dynamic person and change is 

[01:44:05] Tali: possible. And or question, how can this be good for me? Yeah. How can this serve me? 

[01:44:09] Cody: Yeah. Ask, just ask the question and see what comes up. Yeah. How can this be easy? Et cetera. So I've enjoyed this one. Yeah. It's been a fun combo.

[01:44:19] Cody: Anything else? 

[01:44:20] Tali: I think I already gave some action steps to thank someone in your life. And then also, you know, next time you are, you know, begrudgingly grabbing your exercise equipment and heading out the door, just like remind yourself like you're a lucky duck. To be able to do 

[01:44:41] Cody: what you're doing.

[01:44:42] Cody: Yeah. So as far as bullet points, you know, we don't often wrap up our podcast with a step-by-step how to implement the things we're talking about. But I would encourage y'all to look at our show notes because our show notes are timestamped. So every time we bring up a new [01:45:00] topic or a lesson or a quote or a book or anything that we mention, they are listed in cr in a timestamp on our show notes in the description of the podcast.

[01:45:09] Cody: So you can easily find all the things we talked about spelled out there. And often when I'm making those show notes, I try to summarize. If it's a big idea, I'll summarize it into a sentence. So I would really encourage you. To look over our show notes because it boils down a lot of what we're talking about in really concise ways.

[01:45:29] Cody: So it's kind of a cool little guide to be able to pick up things that we flesh out in the podcast. So yeah, I really appreciate you doing that. Yeah. I just want to encourage you while you're listening, or after you listen, or even before you listen and kind of get a preview and know what we're diving into, to read through that, because that is the boiled down version where you're gonna get like step by step epiphanies, guidance, you know, the things that we learn or the challenges we're having are all in there.

[01:45:55] Cody: So check that out and we'll probably see you in a week. Mm-hmm. . [01:46:00] I love you baby. Love you too.

[01:46:05] Tali: This episode was produced by Tali Zari and Cody Limbaugh. Check out our writing, coaching services and home studying adventures at live all your life.com. For show notes, resources mentioned, or to submit a question or contribution, click on the podcast tab.