037 Relationship Fitness: The Philosophy of Fitness Ep. 27

Explore some key components to a thriving relationship with us as we unpack some of the Philosophy Of Fitness! 

04:11 Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear: Your environment can have a massive affect on your actions. So one way to develop a new healthy habit, is to construct an environment that prompts you to do those things you want to do. 

05:52 Relationship Fitness, how lessons in the gym can be applied to our relationships.

08:09 We are seldom taught, as children, explicit methods for having good relationships.

10:31 Art of Manliness Podcast Ep. on Rites of Passage (don't let the title turn you off, this is a beautiful podcast episode!)

12:23 If you're interested in some really fascinating history of the roles of women in ancient Greece, check out: The Immortality Key: The Secret History of the Religion with No Name by Brian C. Muraresku.

13:03 One reason why young men and boys will act mean or aloof when they are attracted to someone. 

15:49 Intention: With fitness, we have to be intentional about offsetting the perils of modern life. Good relationships don't necessarily take "work", but they do take intentional practice and presence. 

22:48 Watch the opening credits to "F is for Family" as a great analogy to what we're talking about in losing intention.

26:47 Relationships, like fitness, can deteriorate out of a lack of consistent, intentional practice. Just like you don't mean to get out of shape, it just happens, so too can our relationships get deconditioned when left to unintentional whims. 

28:41 We are all changing all the time. Don't fall into the trap of assumptions about yourself, your partner, and your relationship. 

29:18 Entering into a relationship can be seen as an implicit contract. You are now responsible for considering someone else besides yourself. 

30:04 Just like being genetically predisposed to accel at a certain sport, compatibility can reduce the friction (work needed) in your relationship. 

39:27 If you're seeking compatibility, work on yourself and becoming the type of person who will be attractive to what you want.

48:45 Progre

Couples - Proven Fitness & Intimacy Practices To Achieve Your Health and Relationship Goals Together!
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Transcript

Cody: 0:56

Hi, this is Cody Limbaugh. And I'm

Tali: 0:58

Tali Zabari, and you're listening to the Philosophy of Fitness podcast on the

Cody: 1:03

live All Your Life Network. Hi honey. Hey, baby.

Tali: 1:24

So today's icebreaker, I can't believe I just started a sentence with, so, oh, I thought I was getting better at that I guess not. My icebreaker for today is what is your favorite part about our new setup? Oh, man. I don't know if people who are watching this could even tell, but for us, this is huge.

Cody: 1:42

I think so. So we did have a work table in here and the work table was six feet long, which is kind of great for one person, but two people working side by side. It's a little crampy. It was crampy especially cuz we both have two monitor setups and or potentially and So yeah. This is so great. My favorite part is that you're asking a favorite Sorry,

Tali: 2:06

I should know better.

Cody: 2:07

I like that it's black. It's on theme. So if you're watching this on YouTube, you can see

Tali: 2:12

that it's kind of not on theme though, because the theme of this room is supposed to be Star Trek. Yes. And Star Trek's a lot of white.

Cody: 2:18

It is a lot of cream colors and whites gray probably for filming futuristic. But this is futuristic. I think it

Tali: 2:24

looks great. It's a hell of a lot more futuristic than it was in here. Yes, It's amazing what this room looked like before. Gosh. Oh man. There was so much crop in here.

Cody: 2:35

Yeah. This will not be in the show notes cuz I just don't wanna dig for pictures and put'em up somewhere. But I didn't even think we have'em. It was so embarrassing. At some point we'll show some before and after pictures. Yeah. Okay. It's, it's quite a step up. Yeah. It's

Tali: 2:46

a little scary over in that corner, but it's off camera so it's all good.

Cody: 2:50

Yeah. So if you're li a longtime listener of the Live All Your Life podcast, we are now on YouTube. Has a one episode a go. Yeah. And then we've upgraded our studio. So I think it looks a little better. And here we are.

Tali: 3:05

Yes. And my favorite part I think is so far having room for everything. Mm-hmm. Cause I like to have a candle and my inspirational quote from my mom, and my lotion and my diffuser. Diffuser. Diffuser. Yeah. And your pins I want all that at my fingertips. And it feels like I have room for everything. And things are also like tucking away. Yes. Nicely. And we don't have the chairs yet. I know that's coming, but. it makes me really excited about writing again. Mm-hmm. I haven't written a damn thing in a year at least. Yeah. And so this feels like a very conducive setup for long stretches of work. Yes, absolutely. And it's been a really long time since it's felt that way. You know, since we lived in our apartment in Portland, I had my own desk set up. Mm-hmm. And then you ran side by shoved your desk in there somehow that room was so cramped too. Yeah. But it wasn't really comfortable. My desk was a, an antique vanity and it was like all the wrong proportions and I think I just had a regular chair and it, like I said, it was not conducive to great creative work. However, the window and the view out that window was spectacular. Mm-hmm. this will be in the daytime. Yes. I think. Yeah. Anyway, so it's just feeling very organized. It's important to me to always have space for all my things but not feel overrun with crap.

Cody: 4:38

Yeah. So right here on the icebreaker, I think we have something of value to bring, which is if you read Atomic Habits by James Clear, he talks about how our environment affects our habitual nature and that we sort of do things on autopilot. Sometimes based on the environment that we're used to. So like a, an example of a bad habit is a lot of people get used to snacking in front of the tv and then it's almost like they have to snack when they're in front of the TV cuz they feel weird sitting and watching a television show without putting something in their mouth. what am I supposed to do with my hands? Yeah. It becomes this weird like connection that your brain makes between, okay, we're doing this, which means we are also doing this other thing. And so he talks about having specific spaces in your house that you associate with the things that you want to do. So you have like a particular chair that you sit in that your guitar is next to and that's your guitar chair. And that's what you do when you sit there. And this is definitely a creative workspace for us. I think it's

Tali: 5:39

uh, Well we really wanted a room dedicated to that. Yeah. And I actually love doing my work from bed and we have a bed in our office for that reason. But the view out of our windows is so gorgeous and the light in our room is so gorgeous. Mm-hmm. So I might not be super cutthroat on those

Cody: 5:58

rules. I know you aren't cuz you're all over the place. Yeah.

Tali: 6:02

And that's why you like me, part of your

Cody: 6:04

nature. Adorably. A D D A D D.

Tali: 6:08

Okay. Do you wanna introduce today's topic since Yeah. We actually have shared notes this time around and I think it's because this topic requires a little bit of exploring mm-hmm. and there are some major themes, but I hope it's more anecdotal the deeper we

Cody: 6:26

get. Yeah. We're wing it

Tali: 6:29

winging it. Oh, okay. You're saying it with a twang. Got it. Yeah.

Cody: 6:32

So we're we're talking today about the parallels between lessons learned in the. AKA fitness and relationships and how you can apply certain principles that we practice in the gym or in fitness in general, and how that can carry over to principles that are applied into relationships for the benefit. In positive ways. In positive ways, yeah. For the benefit. So these are big, broad concepts. Sometimes I feel like in, in philosophy, one of the things that's fun is to try to find parallels and examples where principles carry over from one area of life to another. And I think sometimes when that's fun, it's easy to feel like you're reaching a little bit. And so with this particular episode, I feel like I'm just sort of had to seek parallels, whereas previous episodes and topics that we've talked about, it's like glaring in your face, uhhuh, like, oh, this principle that I'm learning in the gym, I can really apply to other things. And in this one, I feel like. The things that I came up with are a little bit more like analogies of like, oh, we do this in the gym, and so we can kind of use that as an example of how we carry ourselves in other areas of life.

Tali: 7:46

Well, I think I can speak to the reasoning behind that. I was just gonna preface this whole topic by saying, you know, we are not relationship experts one, but two, I know personally in my early life, I've never been taught about healthy relationships explicitly. You know, we absorb so much of what we see and very rarely, you know, our parents stopping in their tracks and being like, Hey, kids, don't follow that example. That's actually something that you should not do. Yeah. You know, so much just gets swept under the rug or the norms that we see in relationships. Mm-hmm. we don't realize are like really dysfunctional until much later and or until we re experience them ourselves. And so, you know, that's the same. with the gym too. There's a lot of dysfunction in the athletic world when it comes to mindset around gyms like body dysmorphia and like not wanting to be training around other people and embarrassment, like all sorts of dark stuff. But just wanted to speak to the nature of like why this topic felt elusive. And I think that that's because we're also not taught about relationships mm-hmm. in a concrete way. Yeah. That until you seek it out yourself.

Cody: 9:03

No, that's a good point. There's many things that I feel like our culture does not intentionally teach, teach children as they're growing up. It's like there are examples to follow and there's sort of like a zeitgeist or a a, you know, a theme in a culture or in that kid's environment, but they're not explicitly taught. certain things and relationships is definitely part of, part of the top of that. There's some interesting folks out there who write about rights of passage and how a lot of ancient cultures, there was very distinct rights of passage. Mm-hmm. and sort of like a, a bar mitzvah. Yeah. Being an example. But some cultures had many rights of passages like, you know, there's sort of like from childhood to adulthood, and then there's like adulthood to a family and family to does a, a leader in the community and does a kindergarten graduation count? Yes. See, that doesn't, that's the problem is There's, it's like we have a lot of rituals in our society, but the rituals themselves are sort of meaningless. Can I just say

Tali: 10:03

something hilarious that I saw on Instagram today? It was a reel of someone who had posted that traditions are just pure pressure from dead people. I thought that was so funny.

Cody: 10:18

That's good. But sometimes those rights of passage had a lot of weight and meaning to'em because they were opportunities for elders to teach younger people about the culture and about expectations or about ways of conducting yourself that are gonna be productive for you and helpful as an individual.

Tali: 10:37

Well, a lot of them, like at least with the Bar Mitzvah, it requires many, many months of studying. Mm-hmm. and for lots of Jewish people in the States, for instance you know, our bar mitzvah and don't speak Hebrew, so like they're having to learn a language in the process. And so there's quite a large investment on the student side as well. Mm-hmm. and, you know, they're reading in front of their community. It's a very big deal. Yeah. Yeah. It's not just being like, congrats, you are now of age to go to elementary school. It's. It's quite different.

Cody: 11:12

Yeah, I, I heard a really cool podcast I will link to in the show notes of the podcast is called The Art of Manliness. It's been been around for a long time cuz he was a blogger before podcasts took off. So this guy's been around, I for, I'm apologize, I'm forgetting his name at the moment, but I will put it in the description of the show. So

Tali: 11:30

how bet it comes to you at some point while we're recording.

Cody: 11:33

But he is interviewing a a person. I think he wrote a book about it, but he led his son and then later his daughter through certain rights of passages. And it was a really cool thing because it was like they would go for like, A week of just the father and son. They would go somewhere for like a week, they'd go to a beach house or something like that and he would just impart like life lessons that you should know entering this next chapter of your life kind of thing. And prepared him and, and later on when he was older it was like some grueling tests like going out in the camping in the woods or something and they'd have to make a fire, you know, like all these kind things. Do you remember that

Tali: 12:12

episode of Orange is a New Black where Oh gosh, whoever that like super cool, like southern lady is. She was kind of backwards and her dad like left her in the woods by herself and yeah, that was really extreme, like timed her to see how long she could take her to get home. Yeah. Yeah. That kind of reminds me

Cody: 12:30

of that. Yeah. But I think there's a lot of that that's lost in this culture and sometimes it's just simple things like how to have better communication skills with your spouse. It was lost in our culture through generations. Do you think that that was ever a thing? Well, you know, I, if you believe everything you see on tv, it's like you go back to Victorian age and it's like women were property. And it's a situation where it is a very top down authoritative.

Tali: 12:58

Well, and I'm sure they did authoritarian teach you that like, you know, you're gonna grow up one day to be some men's prize.

Cody: 13:04

Yeah. But if you go back far enough in history, you know, if you go back to the Licia and things in, in ancient ly Greece ly Yeah, the ly. Oh. And if you go back to like the ancient Greeks before the Romans got there, it was not as patriarchal in ancient times as it was later on. You know, the, the high priestesses, for instance, that ran the religions. They were women who were imparting a lot of the teaching of their spiritual traditions and things like that. So before the Romans came in and kind of made it the patriarchal thing and started burning witches, et cetera,

Tali: 13:44

Yeah, I, so I did see something the other day also online. It was something about like, we should not be teaching our girls that it's okay that a boy is mean to you when he likes you. And I think that that's such an interesting thing to think about because I've had many boys be mean to me, and I've always felt like, I've always thought like, oh, he must like me, or I've actually like been in that situation where that was actually proven to be true. Mm-hmm. I don't fucking understand where that comes from. Well,

Cody: 14:17

I can tell you Okay. That, well, I can't tell you in all cases at all times, but I'm just saying as a general rule, I think the reason, especially why young men fall into that trap is because they're shamed and embarrassed. They're not. Again, this kind of goes back to our teaching from, from our quote unquote elders. They're teased and ridiculed. Oh, you go to puppy love, you're crushed. You know? And embarrass the kid relentlessly. So of course when he has those feelings come up, it's more macho and like saves face and saves him from embarrassment. If he

Tali: 14:53

embarrasses a girl pushes well

Cody: 14:55

just dish it out sort of pushes you away. Like, no, I'm not that interested. You know, like he's being, he's wanting her to chase him because he doesn't want to. The shame that's coming with being teased as a young boy. Sure. And especially when you're in grade school or junior high, like everything is fucking embarrassing anyway. So it's true to be ridiculed by your parents or, or teachers for having a crush on a girl, like you're gonna try to like play it off as if, no, I don't really. Yeah. But

Tali: 15:28

man, that can spiral so hard. Like if you think about cases of abuse mm-hmm. For people to equate that with love. Absolutely. Like an act of love. I hear what you're saying. It totally traces back to, I mean, that's, I guess I bring that up because that's the only thing that I've seen explicitly said on the internet. Mm-hmm. as of late, that would speak to teaching children about healthier boundaries around relationships.

Cody: 15:55

Well, absolutely. I agree with the boundary aspect of that, but I'm just saying y it's to say that boys or men are inherently that way and they're, and those types of people should just be avoided, is missing the root causes.

Tali: 16:10

Right? Well, like along with that should be let's

Cody: 16:12

stop, let's stop shaming kids. Let's stop shaming kids for having feelings, emotions, and desires. Yeah. Let's talk to them as if they're fucking humans and allow them to explore those things without shame and ridicule and being made fun of. Yeah. And then you probably have better behavior.

Tali: 16:29

I agree. So yeah, there's definitely the flip side. It's like, that's what we should be teaching our girls, but what should we be teaching our boys too? Exactly.

Cody: 16:35

Exactly. Yeah.

Tali: 16:36

Okay, so to fitness, what's the first point? Intention? Well,

Cody: 16:41

I think I, I think intention goes hand in hand with what we're talking about because we're not taught really how to have healthy relationships in a in an objective, intentional way. We're only modeled and those models are what we see on TV as kids, you know? Yes. They're not experienced,

Tali: 16:59

they're just seen. Yeah.

Cody: 17:00

They're, you get your parents as an example, you get glimpses into like other, as parents when you go for an, you know, stay the night at their house or something

Tali: 17:11

when, when you're a kid, you don't have a lot of choice over that exposure.

Cody: 17:14

Right. And so I think that carries over a little bit to intention, but when I first wrote the, the note. For intention. I was talking about our intention in our relationship. So in fitness, we live in a culture most people where they don't get a lot of physical activity, and even if they do get physical activity in a job, a lot of it's repetitive. Mm-hmm. And so you're, you know, loading a truck every day or something and it's back, back breaking work. It's not helping you be fit in it, you know, fit. It's just breaking you down Mm-hmm. So in our culture, in our modern society, fitness has to be a very intentional thing. We have to actually look, okay, what did, what do I need to balance out the other aspects of my lifestyle? Yeah. Because sitting on the couch is death. So what's the opposite of that? Like, I need to get out and I need to move and I need to lift weight and I need to take care of myself. And so there's an intention that's involved in order to just be healthy. And I think that we also tend to have, because we don't have explicit. Instruction on how to have healthy relationships. What's often modeled for us is sort of a set it and forget it thing. Like, oh, we were so in love, we had this amazing courtship, and we were engaged and we got married. End of story. Mm-hmm. And it's like, what? Well, what about after that? You know? And there's no in, there's a loss of intention around the relationship. And so we see that wither and die eventually. And we see the cliche seven year itch, you know, and after you're together for seven years, you just kind of start to get sick of each other or, or at least apathetic. Or people who are married for 20 or 30 years and they kind of were just like roommates, you know, and that kind of situation. Yeah. And I wholeheartedly believe a lot of that is just because of a lack of intention around the relationship. They felt like, Early spark in their love was enough to just carry'em through their life and

Tali: 19:11

or that it's just a phase that you'll only experience that kind of heightened state of being in the beginning and it's not possible Yeah. To stretch that out or revive it or whatever. Like, that's just what the beginning phase of a relationship looks like. Yeah. Like we've talked about when you're learning a new skill and there's like this huge wave or what did I ruin something? Yeah. Just

19:34

pause

Cody: 19:34

talking for a second. Oh,

Tali: 19:38

did I turn it off? No, no. But it bumped. I just, oh. There's this huge like, exponential curve right at the beginning of how much you're learning and able to progress, and then things really taper off. Mm-hmm. However, there's still at least like thinking of weightlifting. Like the programs are periodized, they're still meant to. Strive for more, lift more. Mm-hmm. And you have to get a little bit more creative once you've gotten to that point. And I would say that that's the same in relationships too.

Cody: 20:11

Yeah. That's a actually a really good analogy. It's not even in the notes, but it relates to the in

Tali: 20:15

there are no notes, of course. It's not in the notes

Cody: 20:18

and in in relates to the intention aspect. But you're also talking about taking that intention and using an assessment tool to see are we still thriving? Yes. And if you're not, you have to change something. Something has to change us. You can't just keep doing the same shit and expect things to magically turn around. You're not gonna wake up one morning and be like, oh, the spark is back. You know, you, it takes intention. And I hear in you here, and we've talked about this before, that people are like, well, relationships take work. You gotta work on it. It's work, work, work. And it's like, hmm, i, I like intention better, cuz it doesn't have to be a grueling, slog, painful thing. all the time. Uhhuh, painful things come up. That's, that's just life. That's not relationships. That's like being a human

Tali: 21:05

being. Well, the intention, just like with training, prepares you for those challenging moments, right? Yeah. Because you're practicing your communication, your dedication to the relationship, your commitment, your quality time together, knowing each other. And it's the same with training. Like we're training in weightlifting for competition. You know, we're not, I mean, the Bulgarian do it a little bit differently, but we're not like maxing out every day. We're not pushing ourselves to that difficult threshold every day. Mm-hmm. But we're training consistently enough so that when that day does come, we'll be able to handle it and do it well. Yeah. Yeah. And I would say that that's the same in relationships too. You know, if you are not watering it, if you're not giving it light, if you're not supporting it regularly, are you

Cody: 21:52

mixing your analogies?

Tali: 21:55

perhaps? I'm trying to think of things outside of the gym world too. Yes. Especially, you know, in realms that I'm not great in, but plant care.

Cody: 22:04

Yeah.

Tali: 22:06

don't count on me for that. But yeah, if you aren't present with your partner or intentionally moving through your relationship, both of you doing it mm-hmm. when really challenging things do come up, I really do think that it would set you up to really fall short. And I can only really speak to that f you know, the relationships that I'm thinking of that did not end well. It's hard because the first one, like we were so, so young, and then the one just before you was so, so short. Mm-hmm. and I don't feel like I got to know him at all between, from when I met him to when we broke up a year later. And so can you speak to that from many of your. past relationships in terms of like setting that intention or not and how that like, yeah, I mean how, like competition day or like when something really hit the fan, like how that might have fed in, like, I'm curious if there's really, this is theoretical.

Cody: 23:07

Yeah. Well, like at this point, it, it's, I think we'll take it out of the competition world for a minute and just talk about general fitness, because I think that's a little more applicable to how I see relationships deteriorate. Okay. Which is, I was married for 20 years. I was together with her for over 20 years. And I, I, the whole idea of set it and forget it was not an intentional thought. Like that wasn't a conscious thought that like, oh, we're married and everything's gonna be fine now, you know, that was never a, a, a conscious thought. But what happens is a lot of times you have kids, you have job, you have money struggles, you know, financial. Hurdles too, overcome sometimes physical things and illness and life comes at you. You know, it's kind of like the opening credits to f is for family That shows hilarious the first few seasons especially. But if you watch the opening credits, it's like this kid, and he's like, he floats full, full of hopes and he is like, yeah. Floating through the sky and then all of a sudden a draft notice hits his face and then he is like wearing a uniform and then he starts to lose his hair. And it's like, and then he plunks down in this chair and he is just like, what, what the fuck happened? Kind of look on his face. And that, that really sums up the American life for a lot of people. Mm-hmm. you know, you get really caught up in the responsibilities of being. A husband and a father and a breadwinner and blah, blah, blah. And same for the wife or other husband or whoever is different kind of struggle. Yeah. Yeah. There's all kinds of relationship structures, but I think the struggles can be very commonly felt in raising a family particularly. And sometimes there's not money for date nights and there's more stress than there is time on the calendar. And so that lack of intention wasn't out of just carelessness, it was because it wasn't brought to our attention that you also need to work on the relationship. I said that word work, but you also need to be intentional with that relationship and not be, you know, for me, I was like really caught up in my business pursuits, like really caught up in it. And you see this cliche on TV where it's like the rich guy who's caught up, I was fucking broke and really caught up in my business. Like I feel, I felt like, man, if I could just get ahead financially, the rest of our life would probably be a lot better. And so it

25:36

could

Tali: 25:36

be worse. You could be Nie Thompson. Yeah.

Cody: 25:38

So, so I think that lack of intention is just part of a, in our culture, just part of our lifestyle of like trying to make it in Well it's

Tali: 25:47

the norm. Yeah. Right. Like to have all those things. And I feel like a lot of folks nowadays, like whether it's purely financial or not, are really challenging those norms of family planning. Mm-hmm. you know, like I would never have considered having kids with you seriously if we weren't living out here. you know, if we were living back in Portland and like nine to Fiveing and Yeah. Doing that whole dance. Yeah. Different stories. Well, we've talked about that before. Like we live somewhere now where I feel like we're closer to family. We live in a beautiful place with space and opportunity. Mm-hmm. that we just didn't have living in Portland. You know, like I would make my choices off of those things because I have certain values or a desire for my life with a family to look a certain way. Mm-hmm. and I don't really care to move forward with it if that's compromised. Yeah.

Cody: 26:45

Like being able to spend time together, Yeah. A lot of people. Absolutely. Yeah.

Tali: 26:50

And the, for a lot of people, that's not a given. Yeah. You know, I know my mom has talked about having a lot of regret for being a workaholic, but. what else could she have done, you know? Mm-hmm. I really have a lot of respect for her, and a lot of times when she brings up feeling guilty about it, I'm like, lady, don't even worry about it. you know, our quality time together now is so amazing and I feel like I had a really great childhood regardless of the challenges that my family had. Mm-hmm. because they told me they loved me all the time. like that was the most important thing to hear. Yeah. Yeah.

Cody: 27:27

Well, the reason I took it out of competition is, I think, getting back to your analogy is that it's very analogous to being deconditioned. You know, you get caught up in work life and trying to squeeze in some recreation or something, so you don't go crazy because you're just like stressed out about finances and trying to raise kids and like all the, all the pressures that come with that. Mm-hmm. and you get deconditioned in the relationship the same way people do with fitness. They don't intend to get out of shape and broken down and overweight and all these problems that plague our

Tali: 28:01

society. Yeah, there's backsliding and then even the intention threshold

Cody: 28:06

really changes. Yeah. I mean, how many athletes have you met who are like in their forties or fifties and they're like overweight and kind of broke down and outta shape and they're struggling. But in high school, man or in college, they were amazing. And it's like, well, it's because they got outta that sport and they got married and had kids in like a life. Put it on the shelf. Yeah. They put all the, excuse me, all the training and everything on the shelf, and they're still eating the calories of an athlete, but they're not working'em off. And then that just kind of spirals into like pizza night every Friday for the kids. That, that was my life. You know, we had

Tali: 28:37

like, spaghetti night sounded pretty epic.

Cody: 28:39

Yeah. We had, yeah, we did. We had spaghetti night, we had taco night. We had we do taco night now. Yeah. But we weren't healthier tacos like. I dunno. There was a lot of tortilla and a lot of chips and a lot of cheese and Yeah. And that was normal. That was just like, that's how we get through the week. We can look forward to Pizza Friday. And watching a couple of movies that we got from the, from Blockbuster.

Tali: 29:02

My family or my mom, my sister and I, we did pizza parties every while. Every once in a while that's what we called them and we would put a tablecloth on the floor and we would have like a picnic in our television room. Nice. Yeah. Cuz we were not allowed to eat in front of the television, so it always felt like really special. That's a good habit. Mm-hmm. Yeah. It was fun.

Cody: 29:20

Yeah. So intention, that's a big deal. And I think that really goes over to another note I had, which is just that you're changing over time. Okay. And if you're not intentional, I'm paying attention. If you're not paying attention, we are all changing over time. Change is the only thing that just never leaves us. Right.

Tali: 29:42

What did you say you're. Thriving or perishing.

Cody: 29:44

Yeah. And if you're not paying attention to your own personal changes and your partner's changes you can kind of wake up one day, 10 years down the road and not know each other very well. Yeah. We see that, you know, quite a bit and well, and that's

Tali: 29:58

a responsibility I think people need to consider too, when they're entering a relationship. You are, you are signing up to be in that relationship. You know, it's not about just like attaching yourself to somebody for financial gain or validation or like, whatever the fuck, like, you are actually kind of like signing a contract in a way of like, I'm not only responsible for myself, but I also have accountability to somebody else too. Mm-hmm. to me that sounds like baseline you know? It really does. And I think it kind of circles back to what you were saying about relationships being work. You wanna write on that? I, I'm talking about it right now. Okay. About relationships being work. and there's this kind of badge of honor around that. And I know I was someone who felt that way, like in relationships previous to hours where I was like, oh man, this is so much work. Like this must be it Like this must be, this must be

Cody: 30:54

worth it cuz I'm working

30:55

all

Tali: 30:56

yes. Yeah. Working my ass off. And it's And it was very different when I met you and I'm not sure if I'm gonna equate it to like a low barrier to entry sort of situation. I'm trying to think like how this translates to fitness somehow. But you were like, relationships don't have to be hard. Mm-hmm. they can be easy. I guess that goes into compatibility. Yeah. But that can wait if you wanna No, I think

Cody: 31:18

that's, no that, I think that's a perfect entryway into that idea that you. are born with a certain type of body and that's just truth. We all have genetics that predispose us to probably being able to do certain activities more efficiently than other people. Some people are better runners because of their genetics than other people who may be better weightlifters because of their genetics. That doesn't mean it doesn't take work. You have to like be intentional. You have to do the training, you have to eat properly, get sleep, et cetera, et cetera. Mm-hmm. but it, there's no denying that people of certain height and stature or whatever are going to have an advantage in certain sports. Yes. Over someone else. Yes. That's just not. an arguable point. And

Tali: 32:06

it's, well, it's not to say that you can't excel in a sport that maybe you're not quote unquote built for, but there are going to be, you know, if you aren't a competitive sport, you are gonna bump up against people who are more genetically inclined to do better than you.

Cody: 32:19

Yeah. And I think it's true in what you were just talking about with us is that we, we got really lucky finding each other because when I, it was one of our very first dates that we went on, I was like, you know, it could just be easy. Like, it doesn't have to be a struggle. And in my mind, I was just thinking all it would take is for the other person to be as easygoing as I am, Like I, I don't want to be upset about shit all the time and be drama driven and, you know, I, I wanted that lifestyle for myself. And at the time I was sort of like thinking I would just be arms distance from people. And maybe ha be polyamorous or something and have like different, different ladies for different occasions. Harem. Yeah. Well a culture of people that, that I didn't have to work so hard to like, make it work. You know? Like if I wanna watch a silly movie with somebody, but I could talk philosophy with somebody else because I don't want to have to fight to put that, like that round peg in a square hole.

Tali: 33:24

Yes. And we talked about it, we phrased it as like having a reduction of friction Yes. In relationships. Yeah. Because in my experience, it felt like there was always things just like coming to a standstill or a screeching halt or some big like bump in the road that was like so hard to get over. And it was just like, all right, when's the next one gonna show up? Yeah.

Cody: 33:46

But with you, when we met, I felt like everything. Easy. Like I kept testing the waters of like different aspects. You know, we, we went on a motorcycle date and that was great and we ate good food and that was great. And we had a beer and that was great. And we went to a fancy Italian restaurant and that was great and jazz. And we talked about deep things and we joked around and we made each other laugh and it's like, wow, this, all these different things. I was like, easy with this person, so why can't it just be easy? But I think it just speaks to our compatibility. Yes. You know, it's like we're built for this sport. Yes. No

Tali: 34:18

worries. Yeah. You and I have a lot of common interests and I think just operate very similarly in the world and that goes down to very similar fears and insecurities too. So I think not having barriers in communicating those things mm-hmm. or when they come up, like there's a lot of compassion for one another cuz we understand those themes really well. And. You know, I think that there's just this desire to have forward motion and to be in relationships that have a lot of friction or a high barrier to entry, I guess. You know, those might require reassessing. And in the fitness world, you know, when I was a young person, I, I swam, I played volleyball. These are sports for very tall, lanky people. I didn't do very well. Like, I'd love to swim, but I, I probably wouldn't have done very well. Mm-hmm. a competitive realm. You might

Cody: 35:16

tell our listener how tall you

Tali: 35:17

are. I'm five one on a good day if she stretches. Yeah. I've got very short limbs. And only once I found weightlifting, not only did I love it, but it was like, oh wow. Like I can do this. Well, it took until I was like, I don't know, 19, 20 years old to find that. And I know we've talked about it before on another podcast, but you know, there was a while where I really wanted to be like a sports consultant for people. And the way that I imagined what that job would be like is to have some sort of fitness assessment and help people find like what sport they might do well in just based on their physical makeup. Of course, like temperament and interest is really important too. Yeah. Like, well, it's part of some people who really love, like yoga for the like kind of woowoo take it easy kind of part of it. The official side of it. I mean, yeah. I mean, not all yogas are created equal. Right? Or not all yoga is created equal. Sorry. It's like a dear dears thing. but I don't know. It never spoke to me because like I wanna rage in the gym and I wanna feel like really hardcore. And weightlifting gave me that too. So not only was it great for the type of body that I have, but it also spoke to my interests and the way that I wanted to feel. And so I think that it could be a really valuable service. Obviously it would have to be built from scratch. I've never heard of anything like it. It would be so cool if that did exist already. Mm-hmm. means there's demand for it. Mm-hmm. didn't you just post something that said that? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cody: 37:00

It was basically, don't get upset when you see the things that you're trying to create out in the world already, because that's not a reason for you to stop. It's actually proof that there's market Yes. Market for

Tali: 37:11

it, which is nice that someone else carved it out for you, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. So compatibility, you know, that could be something to take in consideration when it comes to your athletic pursuits as well. Like we talk about this with our clients, like, what can you do that's just gonna keep the needle moving? Mm-hmm. in the right direction. Like, don't try to be a runner if you fucking hate it. Right. You know you're gonna fight it every time that you put shoes on. Yeah. You know, or even before you put your shoes on, do something that's exciting to you. Mm-hmm. that's easy to work in, you know, allow that love to grow.

Cody: 37:47

Yeah. I've been a coach now for 19 years. Whoa. Crazy. But I, well for a little while there was like drinking the CrossFit Kool-Aid pretty hardcore. And so, you know, part of it's just, cuz that was our business model. So it's like, well if you don't wanna do CrossFit, you probably not gonna fit in here. But I also sort of got to this mindset because I. Was so appreciative of the methodology that I was constantly trying to just tuck people into it. And now in my coaching life and my coaching career, I am currently coaching a handful of people. And no, two of them are training similarly. Like really they're all training pretty differently from each other. Different completely different styles of training, right? So I think that compatibility is really important because it, it reduces that friction, first of all, for the per person to be compliant to actually do work that's gonna benefit them in their.

Tali: 38:48

in their health pursuits, but how many clients have we tricked into CrossFit? Who didn't even know they were doing it? I would say all of my personal trading clients. Yeah. With the exception of the one that I have right now. Yeah.

Cody: 38:58

Well, and sometimes for conditioning, and I'll sneak in a little bit in, in some people's workouts, but not everybody. Well,

Tali: 39:04

CrossFit of course, is like a lifestyle and a culture and all these other things, but when you're talking about the movement specifically, or the structures of the workouts, like I squish that stuff in all the time, even if it's like quote unquote irrelevant because, you know, I don't coach CrossFit anymore, but like I still drink that Kool-Aid in terms of anyone can do it. Maybe not anyone. Everyone can do it to the same degree. You know, we've bumped into clients who are probably doing what? Just a bump. Oh, new setup. Sorry. We have run into clients before who either are like so deconditioned or. I think about like a couple clients who are more like challenged in their posture to such a degree that their movement patterns cannot be good at this point in time. Mm-hmm. And that maybe this isn't the right avenue, but that's such a small number of folks who haven't benefited from it that I've worked with personally. Mm-hmm.

Cody: 40:06

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Getting back to the relationship analogy, I think that there's something to be said for you, you and I just, not just finding each other in a compatibility way, but we are also at the height of our personal development as individuals when we found each other. Yeah. So I think that speaks to a little bit of what you're talking about too, as far as like, you, you can't just enter. An arena of fitness or athletic pursuit or whatever at a, at a level you want if you're not there. And so you might have to scale or change the programming a little bit to match where you're at. And I think it's the same with relationships. If you're wanting, like your big relationship, your your life partner situation, but you are not in a healthy head space to be able to do that. You might want to change your expectations and be like, I'm gonna date for a while. I'm gonna have some fun and I'm gonna work on my shit. Yeah. I'm gonna work on my ability to communicate honestly and take responsibility for, you know, my finances or whatever it is, or my health, my fitness. You know, like that's actually part of it. And, and as you're developing as a person, you're gonna raise the bar of the person that you can expect to then be compatible with.

Tali: 41:19

Sure. And yes, I think your compatibility can change dependent on your own personal journey. I always kind of fight back when people are like, oh, I need to get my shit together before I start dating. I think a lot of times people can, I mean, you and I have helped each other through so much. Yeah. That's not what I meant. I know. I just, it kind of sounded like that kind of reminded me of that concept. Cause I hear it all the time and I'm like, Ugh, I don't really buy into it. But

Cody: 41:46

it's more about attracting the right kind of person. Yes. I think like if you're wanting a life partner, like the person, like I'm saying, you need to be ready. You need to be in a mature enough place and practice communication and things like that. You and I have improved

Tali: 41:58

the course, but even if you're not, like, even if your communication sucks, that's what I'm saying, like you can't get all your ducks in a row and then look for what you want. You, we've talked about this when it comes to like starting a business or whatever, right? Like you just gotta ship it. You've gotta get, but you have to action. Yes. But I do think the important thing though is the assessment. How many times have we been in relationships where we're with somebody we're not compatible with, but we're not really willing to acknowledge that because like what? It's just buzzing in the microphone. Boom. Sorry. It's fine. But we're not willing to prioritize that. Like the chemical lust or whatever is like overshadowing the realistic potential for a healthy relationship. like that always gets bypassed. I, I mean, I've been there. Mm-hmm. easily. Yeah.

Cody: 42:46

I'm not saying you have to be perfect to find the right person. I'm saying you have to be on that path though. Like, there are people who are really lazy in their own personal development. Like a lot of people that's, most people like, right, right.

Tali: 42:56

Not Are you saying those people shouldn't be in

Cody: 42:58

relationships? No, I'm saying that they can't expect to have an amazing, healthy relationship with less friction if they have shitty habits around communication. Some of your past partners you've talked to me about who are like so fucking closed off that, you know, you'll like look fond fondly in their eyes and they're like, what? What's wrong? You know, like, like there's no, what are you looking at me for? There's no depth there. Yeah. And it's because they're not practice and they don't fucking want it. And so you, you gotta, you gotta know yourself before you can think that you're gonna find somebody who is the person of your desires. You need to ask yourself like, am I the person? that somebody else would desire. That has the qualities that I'm looking for.

Tali: 43:42

Sure. But I'm also not gonna rule out that like people deserve to be in relationships. Whether or not they're on that path too. I think about like, how does that translate into the gym? Like that's a way of kind of clarifying this concept. And you know, we see people in the gym doing dumb shit all the time. Mm-hmm. like they might not be on the right path, but they're there. That's

Cody: 44:08

my point. They're there. They're trying. They're working on it. Okay. I'm saying you have to be on a path to getting to know yourself and improving if you expect to find a quality partner. Does that make sense? Like you can't expect some I guess, let's put it this way, people who are on that path do not like to hang out with people who are not on that path. It's true. It's g grading. Like, I can't, like, I, I'm always looking to develop and, and be a better person. So, and it kind of drives me fucking crazy to sit in a room and talk to somebody for two hours who's like, nothing to talk about except TV or something. I'm like, Ugh, this is the killing me. So I'm, I'm just saying like, if you have this idea of the, the, like this amazing person you wanna meet, look at yourself and see like, am I living up to be an A person who would attract a person like that? And then that takes some self knowledge and some personal development and at least an attempt to be on that path. None of us are gonna be like, perfect. And then meet the other perfect person. That's not what I'm saying. Mm-hmm. But you gotta be somebody who's. introspective and living an examined life if that's the kind of person you want to attract. But what

Tali: 45:20

if people don't want an examined

Cody: 45:22

life? Then they better expect

Tali: 45:23

to also be with somebody who doesn't have an exam. Exactly.

Cody: 45:26

I think that's fair to say. That's fine. And maybe you can be happy that way, but I'm skeptical because I, everybody,

Tali: 45:34

everybody, I've never seen that model, but is so subjective, sweetheart. Yep.

Cody: 45:37

No, I'm saying I have never seen that modeled. Yeah. I have never seen people who are content at just like working a nine to five eating junk food sitting in front of the tv. Let's not. Good

Tali: 45:49

for you physically

Cody: 45:49

buying recreational shit treatments on weekends. No, I'm talking about this particular lifestyle everybody I've ever known who are in that lifestyle are fucking miserable. They hate each other. They're yelling at their kids. They have shit all over the house. Like this is, this is what's been modeled for me is like you either live a self-examine life and you're trying to like improve your position or you're playing the role of a victim. and you're fucking miserable. And most of the people around you, the mercy of your life are miserable too.

Tali: 46:14

Yeah. Well, think about what you were saying about, you know, getting caught up and being a husband, the breadwinner, a man, all those things. I mean, having so much of that in the way, in the way can really stall some of those efforts. I don't know. Oh, yeah. It just feels a little

Cody: 46:36

harsh. I'm just trying to elevate people like I'm just saying, if you want to have like a really incredible relationship, start working on yourself. I don't think this is a controversial thing to say, honey, that you should work on yourself if you want to, if you want a good person that you should be with, try to be a good person. Yeah. Like step up and try to be generous and try to work on your communication skills and your patience and

Tali: 47:02

things like that. I think there's a, a way of phrasing it that doesn't have to be like, you should do this. It's more just like, Investing in yourself is an act of self-love. Yeah. And knowing that you're deserving of love in return is not something I think people are inherently feeling. You know, I just wanna change the language around it a little bit, where it's not like you should be continuously outputting, outputting, outputting. Like, that's exhausting and daunting, I think. And a prob maybe a tall order for some, so, but if you kind of turn it like inward of like respecting yourself and you know, wanting more for yourself mm-hmm. that will attract, you know, a healthy relationship. That's exactly what I'm trying to say. That's exactly what I'm trying to say. I'm just trying to be a little softer about it.

Cody: 47:53

And I'm, and I'm never, I'm not saying anybody should live a self-examine life. My point is, you shouldn't have certain expectations if you're not willing to. Put in the effort for those things. Sure. And

Tali: 48:08

that goes, that's just a self-entitled, and that's the same in the gym too. Like we've talked about. Like no one can do your reps for you. Like you are gonna get out what you put in. Mm-hmm. And it's really challenging sometimes working with clients who are like, well, I'm not seeing results. I wonder what's going on. Like I've been that, I've been that client too, like of nutrition coaches, fitness coaches, whatever, being like, well they must be doing something wrong. My coach must be doing something wrong cuz I'm not experiencing any results. And then I had to be like, well, am I actually trying really hard? Probably not And I feel like I can be harsh about that because I've been that person and it's, it was bullshit. But I think that that's something to really ask yourself like in relationships and in your fitness life. Like, am I really putting in, am I matching what I'm hoping to get out of it? Yeah,

Cody: 49:03

that's exactly. Yeah. You can't expect certain results to just magically come your way because you want them.

Tali: 49:10

Yeah. You can want something all the way to the moon and it doesn't really matter. Yeah. If you're not backing it up with real work. Yeah. Yeah. That's my point. Oh, I love when we talk about things like this. I'm like, let's go work out

Cody: 49:23

Yes. We need, we need to so one thing I wrote down was multifaceted and just like fitness. So we, I think when you say the word fitness, a lot of people equate it with working out in the gym. Okay. But as you know, what you put in your mouth is half the battle at least. And it,

Tali: 49:44

I think it's more than that. I really do. Yeah.

Cody: 49:47

Well, it depends on who you are, but but it's always part of the equation, no matter who you are. Sure. Proper sleep is something that is. being talked about a little more nowadays, but I still think, even though it's talked about more on certain podcasts and stuff, I still think people in general kind of like, yeah, yeah, I'll sleep when I'm dead. Right. Or, that would be nice. Or That'd be nice. Yeah. And they don't realize it's on the chopping block. Yes, always. All the time. Always. Yeah. Yeah. Sleep is always the thing that gets sacrificed and we do it

Tali: 50:18

all the time, too.

Cody: 50:19

All the time and, and it is critical for your health. Yeah. I mean, it's absolutely critical to, and it's kind of a crazy thing to think about that we live in a society where you're shamed for something that's like a normal bodily function like, You gotta pee, you've gotta breathe oxygen. You know, you gotta, your heart has to pump. You have to fucking sleep. It's a biological imperative. You have to sleep. And if you're not sleeping enough, you're not gonna be healthy. Are you saying

Tali: 50:45

that people need to sleep together?

Cody: 50:48

So my point is that fitness is more than one factor. Like you can work your ass off. And if you're not taking, I see proper care and recovery and sleep and nutrition and hydration and relationships as part of it. I mean, like, there's, there's a lot to being

Tali: 51:03

a healthy person. That's so important. It's so true. Yeah. I think that's really easily overlooked, like your whole lifestyle. Needs to come together. We've talked about that, I think of like everything falling into place. Mm-hmm. and how to identify those keystone habits that allow for kind of like batching those good habits. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's super important to mention. I'm excited to see what your relationship parallel

Cody: 51:25

is. Yeah. Well I think just before I go there, I think some of this can, you know, you can see how it's a theme in our society, and I don't know if it's because of when we became an industrialized society, that factory workers, you have one job, this is what you do, you, you put the screw in the hole and then when the next one comes, you put the screw in the hole again and that's what you do. And so we started living in this very compartmentalized thing. You know, like people have one job, that's your job, that's what you do. Whereas you go further and further back in history and people were much more well-rounded, like they knew how to do shit, you know, for themselves. And I think it's crazy. Or like

Tali: 52:04

when position would have many skills, like if you're a business owner. Yeah, we were just talking about, yeah. If you were the shift in business owners versus having a job and working for somebody else over Yeah. The last a

Cody: 52:15

hundred years. Yeah. If you were the, the blacksmith in the town or something, you had a lot of skills around that thing that you did, but you also had to, I don't know, talk to customers and and, and take care of your accounting work workspace and Yeah. And your accounting and everything. So,

Tali: 52:29

and probably have to raise a donkey. Mm-hmm. didn't they like, have donkeys? who were doing something maybe and thinking about that scene in Pirates of the Caribbean. Yeah. Remember he is like in a blacksmith

Cody: 52:43

shop. Yeah. Well the, you can use shop donkeys to like produce energy or maybe like a Right. A water wheel

Tali: 52:49

or something, but it was some sort of wheel mechanism. Gosh. Okay. My point is

Cody: 52:54

before we get completely derailed on Pirates of the Caribbean shows how much I

Tali: 52:57

know how to do

Cody: 52:58

That's The more specialized we become. I think the more we've gotten this mindset of kind of being myopic about things. Our medical, our western medicine is much, is very much like this. You know, you come in with a symptom, we're gonna treat that symptom. There's not a view of the holistic health of the person. There's a lot of talk around it nowadays, but I still don't see it. Like, I don't see that when I go to the doctor. It's funny cuz you hear about it a lot, like, oh, we're taking a more holistic approach and being more open-minded. And then you go to the doctor and it's the same shit. They sit you down and it's like, oh, it's a sore throat. Let me look in there, let me take this test. Let's just gotta be, let's, let's just address this, this thing, this one thing that you came in for. I don't

Tali: 53:37

know. I feel like I had kind of a holistic experience at the dentist. At the dentist. Yeah. Yeah. Western medicine. Yeah. But I,

Cody: 53:45

I, my point is that we live in a culture that is kind of trying to like separate everything from each other. We talked about this in a little bit in our last episode of it's true of like, I agree, Eastern culture is kind of like, we're all connected and cooperative. That's, that's how nature works. And integral to each other. Yeah. Yeah. And in Western philosophies, a lot of it's like we, there's delineation and the scientific method where you isolate a variable and you, you know, everything is being divided and categorized and so it's kind of a natural way for us to think that, oh, fitness means working out. No, fitness means a lot more than that. You, you really have to change your lifestyle if you wanna be healthy and, and vibrant and, and, and thriving. Thriving takes more than just showing up at the gym.

Tali: 54:31

Well, and to speak to sport really quickly, I forget what I was listening to or reading the other day. but it was an important thing to note that, you know, high level athletes of any sport are not fit. No. Oh, you know who it was? It depends on how your definition of fitness it was. Hogan, gosh, what's her first name? She was a weightlifter that I really loved. She's been off the scene for a while and she's kind of working her way back, but really fabulous weightlifter. And she's like, you know, even at my best, you know, she competed at a very high level. She was like, you know, even at my best I wouldn't consider myself fit because I was pushing my body in a repetitive movement over and over and over again. Mm-hmm. and neglecting all of these other areas of fitness, like, you know, balance, coordination, stability, like all these other components that may not. Be like the main lifts to train. Yeah. If you look at that for weightlifting, yeah. And I, I feel like I've gotten a feel for that. You know, my body moves in a very particular way very well, but that's because I've put lots of hours behind it. But, you know, try to put me in a plank and I'm dying. Yeah.

Cody: 55:41

Dying. And some of it to be, especially at the elite levels, you have to sacrifice your health for that sport. Yes. And I'm not just talking about like football injuries, but if you look at really that's one of'em really extreme examples of like people who do ultra-marathons, a hundred milers and stuff. The elite, elite runners in those really long distance races, a lot of them are very frail people. Like, they're very lightweight. They can't move external loads very efficiently. And I'm not just talking about in the gym, but just like in life, they're not gonna be able to pick up a 50 pound bag of mulch to go out to the garden with. It's a struggle. It's a, it's a specialty. It's, yeah, because they've specialized and then you flip that coin on the other side and you look at like the super heavyweight power lifters, they ain't gotta run around the block, but it's because they're, they are intentionally trying to be as bulky and thick and strong as possible because all they need to do is lift that fucking weight off the floor about two feet and they're done. And they become so specialized that they sacrificed their health in, in a holistic

Tali: 56:42

Sense. When Ken was at his largest for body building, he said he couldn't button his top button of his shirt cuz he couldn't reach, cuz his arms were and his chest were so big. But yeah, I think that's important to note that just talking about the well-roundedness of what fitness really entails. Mm-hmm. sports', actually not a great example of that. That's a very elite mm-hmm. group of people who are, you know, if you're thinking about the Olympics for instance it's a very small. Elite group of people who are literally dedicating all of their time to this, which means their sacrifice elsewhere. Yeah. And that's what I've tried to, and that's why CrossFits so cool. Yeah. Plugging that in

Cody: 57:24

Yeah, that's what I was about to say is that that was a big selling point that I've tried to teach people about in CrossFit is like, the reason we do such varied things is not because it's fun, it is not, because it keeps it interesting. It does. And it's not because we're trying to like torture you with things that you're uncomfortable with all the time. It's because even you will, it's because you want to be as well-rounded as possible. Well, you prevent

Tali: 57:46

injury. Yeah. That way you're

Cody: 57:48

building a wide base of fitness. Yes. And that's the whole point of CrossFit. And then if you wanna take that wide base and build on it, you can if you wanna specialized as you did. Yeah.

Tali: 57:57

Yes, there is that pyramid. We should totally put that in there. Yeah. Do you remember the CrossFit period? Pyramid? What was it called? it had to

Cody: 58:05

have a better name than that. Probably some hierarchy of something I, hierarchy

Tali: 58:08

of fitness, I don't know. Yeah. And I think I'll put it in the show notes so I can, nutrition was down at the bottom. Yeah. Nutrition was first as the base and then cardio. And we're, I'm talking about a pyramid, like kinda like the food pyramid, which I hope has been amended.

Cody: 58:19

Hopefully it's been burned at the stake

Tali: 58:21

Anyway, nutrition was down at the bottom as the widest base. Mm-hmm. And then at the very, very top was sport. Yes.

Cody: 58:29

Yep. Yeah. So now taking this to the relationship realm. Yeah. I'm here. Excited to hear it. I just don't think that kind of in line with that theme of set it and forget it as not being the best approach that it takes. It intention is that it takes a lot of different types of skills to have successful, fulfilling, and exciting relationships. And I wanna put exciting in there because I think it's possible to stay excited for your partner as well. Yeah. You know, but. You can't rely on one thing. So like if you're just relying on like, date nights, okay, we're gonna have this tradition, we're gonna do date nights,

Tali: 59:09

you can go on a date night, and it'd be truly crap. Yeah.

Cody: 59:12

or just practically ignoring each other the whole time. Yeah. Or having the same conversation or just talking about the kids or whatever it is. Like this kind of repetitive thing. It's not doing anything for you. It's

Tali: 59:23

not really like relationship centric.

Cody: 59:24

Yeah. And, and even if it is, it's, it's myopic. Like if you're going on dates every week, but you never have sex, sorry, it's probably not gonna be the dynamic, incredible connection that you hope for in a partnership. Not, not everybody maybe puts the same value on sex that I do or that we do, but I think it's really important to look at all the aspects of what you want out of your relationship and realize that you kind of have to take that CrossFit approach. You have to have a, a wide base of like, okay, I need to improve my communication skills. We need to practice. honest, forthright communication. We need to check in regularly so that a bunch of time doesn't go by without knowing what's on your mind. You know? We have to carve out quality time together. Some of that's opportunities for growth. Yeah. Opportunities to grow together, especially like you and I trying new things. Yeah. Yeah. You and I like will dabble in like courses and books and things like that together so that we're not just always going on our own path on everything.

Tali: 1:00:24

Yeah. We have a new venture coming up so soon. I'm really excited. Which one?

Cody: 1:00:28

Our modeling gig. Oh yeah. That's gonna be fun. Yeah.

Tali: 1:00:31

So I did my first modeling gig for a figure drying class in town, which is nude and I've always wanted to do it ever since college and an opportunity came up and I was like, I'm a sign up. Yep. And I, you know, I'm not like the most. Pleased with my body at this time and I'm feeling really great about doing that. Anyway. Yeah, like it's this really cool feedback loop where the novelty of the experience is outweighing my insecurities, which is That's great. The best way to live And so in two weeks you and I are gonna be doing it together. Yes. For Valentine's Day. Yep. I'm so excited.

Cody: 1:01:13

Yeah. So we'll both be posing in the nude for the artists and you and I have talked about doing that since early on in our relationship. Yes. We actually tried, we tried to do it in Portland once we offered ourselves to a studio and they were just like, nah,

Tali: 1:01:26

Well, apparently men, male models aren't men are disgusting. Standard or something.

Cody: 1:01:32

Where was I? Oh, multifaceted. So yeah, I think that it's just

Tali: 1:01:36

we ended on growth is,

Cody: 1:01:37

yeah. We ended on growth. Yeah. Your own personal development is part of that. Staying fit and healthy for each other, I think, or for yourself, but you know,

Tali: 1:01:46

being physically able to do all those things that we just talked

Cody: 1:01:49

about. Yeah, yeah. There's just so many different aspects and you can't, I can't, I'm not saying you, you can't slide on one or two or whatever. Like of course nobody's gonna be perfect and Well, you can, you can choose. Yeah. But you certainly should be self-aware and aware of what's happening in your relationship and all the facets and not just let something slide because it's difficult to approach or inconvenient or something your partner doesn't seem interested in like that. Those things need to be communicated. So I think that's just another analogy to fitness. having a successful relationship isn't going on. Dates a k, a, going to the gym. It's all the things.

Tali: 1:02:30

Yes. And I would say that this is an opportunity to kind of con compare and contrast the idea of compatibility that we were talking about before where this might be an idea where incompatibility is kind of cool to explore. Like we talked about growth being one of those avenues to explore or to maintain. Mm-hmm. And you know, just because you're not a great communicator doesn't mean you can't become one. And so some of these facets, like they might not come naturally to you, but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't try.

Cody: 1:03:09

Yeah. Well, that's a great segue into another aspect that I wanted to talk about, which is you and I really wholeheartedly believe in the power of having a coach. Mm-hmm. We are coaches and we have coaches. And yes, having a mentor is an incredible, powerful tool for development in any area of your life. I really believe, like the older I get and the more experienced I have under my belt, the more I just wanna push people to like find a mentor. Like, if you wanna learn how to draw, go take a fucking class. And if the class isn't, doesn't suit you, find somebody, find another person that you can communicate well and you're getting good feedback from and all that. Because having a coach or slash mentor is one of the most valuable ways to leverage your progress in anything. And I think before you get to a catastrophe in your relationship where you feel like you have to go to marriage counseling in order to save the relationship, seek out mentorship, even when things are good, like when things are better, you know, in our. relationship. You, you'll remember this, I think it was our first year together, we had a sit down with your mom mm-hmm. and we were talking about like how to communicate certain boundaries for each other or like can, do you remember Remember that? Yes. Yeah. And, and, and attachment issues that we kind of had. We were at Joyce's house. Yeah. We were at Joyce's house. We sat down with your mom and I'm just saying like, was that just like on the fly? Yeah. I don't remember how it happened, but we were like,

Tali: 1:04:48

I don't know. Well, I had a lot of fear around being a competitive weightlifter and having my life and like all these things I was doing and being in a relationship because in my experience, relationship meant trapped. Mm-hmm. or meant all of your time being consumed or whatever.

Cody: 1:05:07

Yeah. And that fear kind of led you to be sort of resentful if I asked a question like, how late do you think you'll be at, well, No, your fucking business kind of attitude. I would never say that. You never said that to me. But it was like the attitude and it was like, well, I would

Tali: 1:05:19

take that as like a flag.

Cody: 1:05:21

Why are you asking? And it's like, I don't care, like how late you wanna be out, but I also don't want to lay in bed worrying that you're in a car accident or something. So, and your mom kind of helped kind of alleviate that. It's like, well, of course it's like a courtesy. If you live with somebody, even if they're not your romantic partner, it's just a nice thing to do to tell people like, I'm gonna be out and don't worry if I'm not home by this time, I'm i'll, I'll, I'm fine. Or check in with a text or something. It doesn't mean I'm trying to like parent you. Yeah. Or put, put boundaries on you. Well this doesn't,

Tali: 1:05:51

early in our relationship, like you said, I was super skittish about that kind of stuff. So I'm

Cody: 1:05:55

not pointing a finger at you. I'm just saying like, warmed up to it. I'm just saying like in that, in that instance, it was so beneficial for us to have a third party to help us wor like. Communicate that to each other better. Like you and I communicated better with each other because we had your mom to kind of bounce ideas off of.

Tali: 1:06:14

But you were just saying that you should seek counseling even when things are good. Well, that was a struggle.

Cody: 1:06:20

Well, it was a struggle, but you and I were in the early stages of our relationship. Like this wasn't like, we're gonna break up over this. This was just like, eh, this is a little sticky spot. We should talk to somebody. Yeah. Right. So my point is, and you know, you and I since then, we've read books on relationships. We've listened to podcasts on relationships. We've we've taken we've watched masterclass videos mm-hmm. on certain aspects of our relationship

Tali: 1:06:47

and just to improve on things that

Cody: 1:06:49

are already great. Exactly. And that's my point. And so get a coach, folks, like even if it's not a therapist or somebody like dramatic, that you have to go to seek out somebody who has a great relationship. And it doesn't

Tali: 1:07:01

have to be scary, like, you know, we've talked about reaching out to our friends Oh yeah. Like our friends who are also in relationships that we admire or whatever. Mm-hmm. feels solid and they've been helpful.

Cody: 1:07:16

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. So I think mentorship is something just like getting a coach is gonna be much more effective in the gym. Finding a mentor coach a friend who's a good example, not some friend who has a shitty relationship but

Tali: 1:07:31

like somebody that's so important, do not glaze over that. You should really ask advice from people who have what you think will get like, sound advice from. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's tricky because sometimes you just wanna talk to the person who's nearest to you. Yeah. But people give advice all the time. Yeah. Be ready, but be what's the word? Discerning about the advice that you follow. Yeah.

Cody: 1:07:56

And I think same goes for gym coaches too. This all Oh yeah. And I think this also really parallels another thing I wanted to bring up, which is that in the gym, the culture matters. Gym culture really matters in the progress of the individuals who show up there. I when I worked at, I'm, I'm gonna not name names, but I worked at a big corporate gym in the early days. Ah, forgot I'm gonna name names B, total Fitness. Oh my God. I'm not, because they're not, they're not even in business anymore. Okay. And it, they're des they deserve to not be in business anymore. I went to

Tali: 1:08:29

Bally's in high

Cody: 1:08:31

school, but I remember this like customer appreciation day situation and they had fucking crispy creams brought in like donuts into the gym. And I'm like, so many of these people are struggling. With their nutrition, or maybe their nutrition isn't even a part of it already and they're in here struggling in the gym and you bring in fucking donuts to the gym. And I was, me and a couple of the other coaches or trainers at the time were really pissed about it. Like, what manager thought this was a great idea for corporate to provide donuts to the members? I'm

Tali: 1:09:06

making a face because I used to bring donuts for my weightlifting team on Saturdays.

Cody: 1:09:10

Yeah. Well that's weightlifting though, right? It's not, what's the difference? Because CrossFit gyms we're, we're talking about the general fitness, right? We're talking about people trying to get generally

Tali: 1:09:21

fit. We were talking about, I mean, we earned the calories.

Cody: 1:09:24

Yeah. I'm saying what, what, like weightlifters have macros they're following and, and not all of them, and have,

Tali: 1:09:30

a lot of them are struggling to make weight and have to take credit card baths or saunas or like some bullshit, like spit into a cup for a few hours to make weight. Yeah. I'm sure he sabotaged somebody.

Cody: 1:09:41

It's not good. But you had a different, sorry guys. my point is that your environment matters and if you want to be fit, the best advice I can give you other than getting a good coach, is to put yourself around a bunch of fit people. Yeah. And I, I saw another example of this that is kind of sad that Bally's used to do. They used to have like a ladies only section and my

Tali: 1:10:06

college gym was like that, but it was a lady's only hour. And I was, no, I hated it so much.

Cody: 1:10:11

They had, I understand why the purpose behind the ladies only section or whatever. But the problem that I would see is in some of the classes that were in that area, how do I say this everybody there, including the instructor, was not in good shape. Okay. And I would see people sign up for that class, and I'm like, well, I, I understand that you're trying to be in an, an environment where you're comfortable cuz you're, maybe you have some, you know, body dysmorphia or whatever you wanna describe it as, shame around the way you look and the way that you move and your ignorance of fitness principles. Like maybe you're, you wanna be somewhere you're comfortable and not embarrassed to show up. I get Sure, I get that. But if you are doing the same thing as other people who are not getting very good results, you can't expect to get good results yourself either. Right? And so the people that I would see come into the gym who looked the same, who were embarrassed to be there, but they pushed through that and they went into a class where there's a bunch of fit people around them and they're looking at like, oh God, I'm like the, the new kid here. But those people got in shape. Those people are the ones who actually, they came, they became closer to their peers, they became closer to what was being modeled around them, rose the occasion. And a lot of that is the culture. you become very much like the people you hang out with. That's just a law of nature.

Tali: 1:11:37

We've talked about association Yeah. And depth before. Yeah. And how important that is. And I

Cody: 1:11:42

think it's true in relationships. If you are hanging out, like if you are a single person and your environment is a bunch of like party going single people with a bunch of drama going on, and then you get in a serious relationship, there's a reason why a lot of people like lose their friends to relationships. And some of it's not all bad because I think if you, if all of your association and your partner's association is with a bunch of single people who are partying or maybe not having healthy relationships and you too are trying to like make it work. That association can really drag, drag you down because you're gonna be getting advice from friends who are, it's probably not really in your best interest to take that advice from them, given the fact that they don't have a healthy relationship to model of. Yeah. We were just talking about that. So having friends and you, you and I have experienced this recently where, you know, you and I have developed a real practice in the last five years of being super vulnerable and honest in our communication. Mm-hmm. and just being willing to put ourselves out there with each other and it's starting to bleed over into the way we communicate with other people. Yeah. And recently we've made friends with other couples who are sort of like doing that in front of us. You know, I can think of at least two other couples here locally that we've hung out with where we talk about some pretty intimate things and I'm like, wow, this is amazing that people would like, be willing to like, bring up these real kind of conversations. Yeah. But that's, I think in part because we're trying to develop a, a proper community of the people we want to associate with, that's gonna help have a positive feedback loop for the type of relationship that we

Tali: 1:13:19

want. I notice that a lot hanging out with people and how easy it is to kind of mirror their energy. And I catch myself a lot in the moment of like, I don't, I don't really wanna like, replicate that out into the world and I feel myself doing it sometimes. But I think developing that awareness is super huge. Yeah. You know, it can be, it can be a tough habit to break, but rather than telling yourself No, kind of like in coaching, when you want somebody to move a certain way, you don't tell them what they're doing wrong. Mm-hmm. you steer them in the direction of doing something, right? Yeah.

Cody: 1:13:55

So seek out an, an environment.

Tali: 1:13:58

that's in positively

Cody: 1:13:59

reinforcing you. Yes. And that is modeling what you want. Yes. Yeah. And that's true for any area of your life, but it applies just as much to relationships. If you're hanging around people who roll their eyes about their spouse or run'em down. Yeah, that's such a bad one. Um, Talk negatively about them behind their back or even in front of'em, like embarrassing them. Like if you're, if that's your friends like that, that's gonna be a problem because that's gonna become your norm. You're gonna feel like that's just how spouses do. That's just how relationships work. And that is not true. That's just the people you're hanging out with. So. Yeah. Yeah. Just a really critical thing to, and it's hard, it's really hard if you're close to somebody or been friends for 20 years or whatever it is to change that association. Is it? Well, and that's normal

Tali: 1:14:45

too, in our culture. It just is. Yeah. It's everywhere. Yeah. Yeah.

Cody: 1:14:50

Wom pomp. But something to think about it is The other thing I wanted to, that we've talked about, but I just wanted to bring it up as a critical component of the fitness carryover to relationships. Okay. Is honesty, because that always works its way in somehow. Yeah. Well, in the world of fitness, if you are like lying about the weight, talk about this. If you're lying about the weights that you're lifting, even if it's like lying to yourself. And what I mean by that is we, we see ego sometimes where people put more on the bar, then they can really handle, and their, their movement patterns, their form goes to shit, and they're unwilling to acknowledge that. and then they put on their record like, oh, I deadlifted 475, like, shit. And it's like, well, yeah, but you looked like you were about to. Yeah.

Tali: 1:15:44

So I have issues with that on squat videos online. Yeah. All the time. This is just a pet peeve of mine. If you're in a sport where squatting below parallel is work as a, as a standard. Mm-hmm. don't be posting videos of your clients who are not squatting below parallel and being like, pr Yeah, yeah, yeah. I, I know that I'm being so harsh when I'm saying that, but it irks me. Well, there's

Cody: 1:16:12

an objective reality and that's There's an objective standard I should say, for things like that. I see the same thing. Pushups, like, oh, I can do a hundred pushups. Like, really? Cuz I haven't seen you do one yet because they're like half, half range of motion Ouch. And so that's what I mean by honesty. Sometimes you don't even know it yourself. Well if you're the

Tali: 1:16:32

cheerleader coach, yeah. You let that stuff slide sometimes. Yeah. You can't do it a cheerleader cause you wanna, you wanna positively reinforce your client, but you might be doing them a disservice.

Cody: 1:16:42

Absolutely, you are. But there's that sort of inadvertent dishonesty where they're like, the person may not realize that they're. sort of cheating. But there's also, I've seen people who just always seem to not quite hit all the numbers. Like in a CrossFit workout where you're supposed to do 15 pushups and 10 pullups and then run out the door guilty. And it's like, sometimes I'll notice somebody who's like getting ahead and I'm like, man, you, you didn't seem to be doing those for very long. And then I'll start counting and it's a class of 20 people, but I'll start counting this one person cuz they're suspect. And it's like, so every time you come in you miscount. So it's 12 pullups and I mean 12 pushups instead of 15, like every round. That, that doesn't seem like a mistake to me. That seems like dishonesty,

Tali: 1:17:26

I think that there's something else going on there though, because I've been, I was saying I'm guilty of that. And when I feel really obsessive about counting my reps, that's when I move really, really slowly. and the workout, like no longer has the stimulus right, is achieving the stimulus that it prefer it's asking for. And when I feel like I'm getting the stimulus that I. Want out of it. I'm not counting as strictly, and I just would like to structure exercise or the workouts differently, like max effort this, or a one minute of that or something that like can mitigate that because I would would say that that's, I mean that would be my experience. Yeah. There's

Cody: 1:18:09

definitely innocent miscounting. I'm not saying that that's not the case, but I also know that there's intentional miscounting because they want to get on that leader base.

Tali: 1:18:18

Well, as long as you are, I mean, as long as you're honest about it, like we're saying mm-hmm. like, yeah, I might not have done all the reps, but if you're like, oh yeah, dude did RX and blah, blah, blah. Yeah. Or like, you know, there was that one year of the CrossFit games where they were doing like video submissions and like everybody was commenting. I think it was like, is his. I wanna say his name is Jeff Bridges. But isn't that the actor?

Cody: 1:18:42

No. No. Yeah, that's an actor. who

Tali: 1:18:44

is the guy that I'm thinking of. Short term man. Yeah. Had a really silly mustache that year. You know who I'm talking about?

Cody: 1:18:53

Bridges is the right name, I think. But

Tali: 1:18:55

Dan Bridget? No, that's Dan Bailey. I don't know. Go ahead. Anyway, there was like such an uproar over his reps and people were like, he's gotta redo it. And I think it was like thrusters or something. Mm-hmm. And it was either range of motion or rep count or something and the workout was accepted and he was like in the top leader spot. I think that is when it's problematic, like, yeah. If you are not hurting anyone in the process or like misleading or like tricking anybody. Mm-hmm. or trying to take credit or something for something that you didn't do. Like that's what, it's problematic. That's why doping affects others, not just you.

Cody: 1:19:32

Yes. Well, let me push back a little bit on that because if you're not being honest about your reps or your weight lifted or whatever objective measurement you're

Tali: 1:19:39

looking for in relationships, that wouldn't be

Cody: 1:19:41

very good. Well, in fitness we talked about in our last podcast mm-hmm. that is published right before this one we talked about start where you're at. And part of starting where you're at is knowing where you're at, like being honest with yourself and knowing self-assessment. And so we got into a little bit of discussion on assessment and part of the cure of. Of, oh, sorry. It was a different podcast. It was personal development versus comparing yourself to others and Oh, yes. One of the traps.

Tali: 1:20:09

That's what published

Cody: 1:20:10

this week. One of the ways that you can avoid compar, like unhealthy comparisons to other people is to be honest about where you're at and then compare yourself to yourself. Yes. So I want to be better than yesterday. That's my only real objective with my fitness, is to like improve. And if I want to improve, I have to take measurements and objective measurements of, to know where I'm at, to know that I'm improving. And if you are lying about those objective measurements, you have no fucking clue if you're improving or not.

Tali: 1:20:39

Yeah. You're just gonna be out there floating. And something that I should mention too is, you know, if there's anybody else like me who, you know, like I was talking about, the different, if I'm counting that I'm moving really slowly or if I'm not counting, that also means that I didn't scale the workout appropriately, probably. Right? Yeah. Like, I sh should be able to move quickly and get that stimulus if I pulled back on whatever movement variation, right? Yeah. And I think that that is, you know, speaking to what you're saying about knowing where you're at and yeah, I think that's a really important component. Yeah. And I also think that it would be beneficial to structure workouts like that or like, Give guidelines, like you should do a weight where you can do five reps without stopping. Like, I really love like those Yeah, because they're objective at that point. It's not like it should be heavy. Yeah, it's, or it should be 95 pounds. It should be something that you can move continuously. Like Diane, for instance, if you couldn't get the first 11 deadlifts. out of 21 Unbroken. Mm-hmm. in my opinion. You've gone too heavy. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. I love those kinds of things. I love the nuances of workouts like that, and I think sharing that information goes a really long way, especially in group fitness, when you are requiring people to take agency. Yeah. And those moments,

Cody: 1:22:02

and that's the wonderful thing about having objective measurements of like the, the distance, the weight travels, how much the weight is, how many reps it is, and how much time, like all those variables put together, gives you a very clear understanding of the workout and the stimulus. And it's an objective measurement of where you are. Like there's no kind of getting around it. There's no bullshit around it. Mm-hmm. So the more objective measurements you can find, the clearer picture you have for like self-knowledge. assessment. So every workout becomes an assessment. So carrying this over to relationships though, is that honesty is, for us has been sort of the, the, the cornerstone of what has made our relationship so amazing, in my opinion. Yes. There's the compatibility, the shared interest in reducing resistance all types of compatibility in terms of like our aesthetic appreciation of the world. You know, like we, we enjoy beautiful things and we wanna surround ourselves that way. Our personal development there's all these aspects and our, in our own health, for instance, in our fitness, like there's, you can go down this list of all these things that you and I really do intentionally, but the one cornerstone that all of that is really contingent on is our blatant honesty with each other, I think. Yeah. and

Tali: 1:23:23

it is, don't think can be, nothing's being hidden, nothing's being sugar coated.

Cody: 1:23:28

And so just like the fitness analogy we were talking about, we know where we're at Yeah. You and I know where we're at in our relationship at any given time and when it's off a little bit, we know, like we feel it acutely if it's just off a little bit, it's like, man, something is not right. And we, we address it, we don't, right there and then, right there and then, yeah, whether it's convenient or not. But the only reason we can pick up on that is because of the honest factor of it. We're not cheating reps. We're not, we're not ignoring any aspect of our relationship to the detriment of not knowing where we're at. And we're not deceiving each other, or, and we're trying to be honest with ourselves. And that honesty in every situation gives us. assessment tool, if you will. Yeah. And our ability to know if we're connecting well and to obviously to know each other better. Yeah.

Tali: 1:24:19

Yeah. And no one's, no one's lost. There's no mystery going on here, you know? Mm-hmm. When I hear that other people feel that way about their partners, I'm like, Ooh, that sounds really uncomfortable. Like, how do you live together that way? Yeah. But you and I also make a lot of like, extraordinary efforts to spend time together when we feel like our jobs or whatever are taking away from that. So we, we put a lot of effort in that regard. But you said something really important just then, and we, we mentioned, we talked about it earlier this week on a personal matter of how when there is friction or tension or distance, it is felt acutely. Mm-hmm. and that constant checking in, like if you think about it in a physical way in regards to sport, like being, having like awareness of your body. Yeah. An injury when things are coming up or if your energy is low, like these are all important things to be aware of in your physical pursuits as well. Like you need to be able to listen to your body. If it can't be pushed, you shouldn't push it. Or if you're being easy on yourself, you gotta ramp it up. Mm-hmm. like having an awareness of your body and developing a sensitivity to that kind of, in the way that we talk about it with food too in terms of, you know, people are allergic to all kinds of stuff and just kind of like, you know, having inflammatory responses to all sorts of things that they're eating and not really thinking anything of it because we don't really have a sensitivity around it anymore because our system is just shot all the time. Mm-hmm. And so I think that that's just an important theme as well in terms of developing and a sensitivity to when. your boundaries are being crossed. Or when you're not feeling safe or heard or whatever it is, like that's such an important thing to act upon when it's happening because that is not only a self-knowledge, but something for your partner to be like, oh, I didn't realize whatever I said, you know, made you feel this way. I probably won't do that anymore. Like you and I have had that conversation many times where we've told each other how we interpret the way something someone said. And I know I've been so careful to never say things to you in a way that would make you feel insecure or feel badly or pressured or anything like that. You know, like, I don't wanna make you feel that way. And we can only teach our partners explicitly. We can't assume that they know these things. Right. And I think, like we were talking about in the very beginning of the podcast, which is. These things aren't taught explicitly. Mm-hmm. So we have to, we have to put that knowledge out there in the world. You know, we can't make the assumption that anybody knows how to take care of us or love us.

Cody: 1:27:09

Yeah. The, that the whole mind reader aspect of, of romantic relationships is ridiculous. Like, well, if they loved me, they should know. That is a bullshit statement because nobody can read your fucking mind, no matter how much they love you. Yeah. If they don't know what you need. If you don't say it. So, and those needs change. And those needs change. Exactly. Yeah. We change so it takes constant vigilance and honesty and you and I practice something that some of you may have heard of as radical honesty. I tend to not, I hate that we don't like that term because for us it's just, it's honesty. Like there is no gray area of what's honest and what's not. It's, it's either honest, honest or it's

1:27:48

not.

Tali: 1:27:48

And radical honesty makes it sound scary. Yeah. To. I don't know why, but like you said, it doesn't have to be this like huge, lofty thing. It can be a baseline. Yeah. An approachable baseline. Yeah.

Cody: 1:28:02

And so there's nothing that you and I don't share with each other or not willing to go there? Whether that's our phone chats with other people or our, our, our weird thoughts that we have or insecurities or something that we're feeling bad about or physical limitations, like whatever it is. Like it's on the table and it's out there and we approach it as quickly as possible. It's part of that aspect of honesty is to not wait to the right moment. Because same with fitness.

Tali: 1:28:31

Don't wait till the new year. Yeah.

Cody: 1:28:33

Because. that is kind of a form of dishonesty if you think about it. It's like, oh, I have this thing I need to bring up, but I'm not gonna bring it up till next Tuesday cuz we've got this little shit going on. And it's like, well you're, that, that means you're keeping something from the other person.

Tali: 1:28:44

Lying by omission, I think is what it's called.

Cody: 1:28:46

Yeah. So if that's what you mean by radical, then I guess we're radical, but to us it's just, it's action

Tali: 1:28:52

oriented, honest. Yeah. Which we talk about in fitness all the time on our podcast. Yeah. Which is like, do it now. Don't do it now. Don't wait, just do something. Yeah. Another one. And I would say it's the same in relationships. Like be action oriented. Yes. Yeah.

Cody: 1:29:07

Forthright. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I think that covers it for me. How about you?

Tali: 1:29:12

We talked about a lot more than. We originally discussed, which is delightful. I was a little Yeah.

Cody: 1:29:18

Worried. It's phenomen at an hour and a half. It's kind of, that's a, that's great. That's a fun one. It was, and I'm sure there'll be a lot more. I feel like every time we wrap up one of these episodes, I feel like, well, if we're outlining our book called The Philosophy of Fitness, this is just a brainstorming session for that chapter that it's probably gonna be expanded on even more by the time we actually sit down to write it. You

Tali: 1:29:38

know, it's funny cuz every time you bring up the book I'm like, oh, we're still gonna write a

Cody: 1:29:41

book. Hell yeah. We got so much material now. Okay. Okay. Oh shit. I lost my train of thought. I was gonna say something. I'm so sorry. I, so important. Okay.

Tali: 1:29:53

You were saying that you like to expand on these ideas?

Cody: 1:29:56

Oh, yes. So on our website, if you go to How to Fit together, dot com mm-hmm. How to Fit together.com. You'll see some of the recent things we're working on in our coaching lives, but you'll also see the podcast page there, woo. And the podcast page now has an orange button that you can click on and you can be on the show. So if you have a comment or a question about today's episode, go there now and you can record a short message for us and find a quiet place, you know, so that it's a good quality for us. And we'll put it on next week's episode and discuss a little bit of what you bring to the table. So if you have an idea, some input, we've had feedback from at least three people. That I can think of off the top of my head who has said, I've listened to your podcast, and I wanted to jump in with this idea. Right. And it was killing me. And well, now you can, you can go there and you can let us know what your thoughts are on this topic, and then we will do a little recap in a future episode where we'll play your voice memo on the air, and then we'll further discuss what you bring up for us. So I'm so excited about that future, really. Yeah. I'm really excited for this long time coming to be. Yeah. We've intended to do that from the start, but I just it took me a while to get the technical aspect.

Tali: 1:31:10

There's a lot going on over, over here.

Cody: 1:31:11

So we're excited to have this podcast be more of a collaborative effort with you who are listening. And I think that's it for me. Yeah. All right. Well, we'll see you guys in a. I love you. I love you too.

Tali: 1:31:30

This episode was produced by Tali Zari and Cody Limbaugh. Check out our writing, coaching services and home studying adventures at live all your life.com. For show notes, resources mentioned, or to submit a question or contribution, click on the podcast tab.